Bill Hicks (among others) wants me dead
I work in advertising and marketing on the creative side. I do a lot of promotions and shopper marketing. I see huge prize funds being doled out regularly but never bother entering any of these things myself. Mrs Spimf scoffed at me last week for peeling the Monopoly stickers of a McDonalds meal "no one ever wins that shit" she informed me. To be honest I just wanted to see how the mechanic worked. But, I got all four train stations and won £500.

I think its the first time I've ever won anything but also quite possibly the first time i've ever tried to.

Which brings me to my point, don't buy something just because it has a promotion on it, but if you do, take part. I often see thousands of pounds worth of prizes unclaimed at the end of promotions, particularly the minor prizes, iPods, Alessi kitchen stuff all sorts, which is of course a marketers dream. The ideal promotion is one that prompts you to purchase but then presents enough hurdles to make you not bother participating.

Yes we're cunts but i get paid well and have lots of holiday and perks so i sleep very well at night thank you.

Sorry Bill
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:39, 35 replies)

Those 'collect the stickers' thing
I'm a bit confused. Am I right in thinking that you collect all the required stations then you enter and get yet another chance of winning? So you collect the stickers needed and you might not even win anyway?
( Bats, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:43, closed)

no, the collect the stickers thing, I think, works on the principle taht if you need, say, three stickers, 2 of the stickers will be very common indeed, and one of them will correspond with the amount of prizes available, so the third sticker is essentially an instant win that you need to realise the significane of
(clinteastwoodbradfield, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:45, closed)

correct

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:49, closed)

no its set up that there are 2,400 x £500 wins out there
so if you collect all four stations you win. simple as that.

just about every meal has a blue sticker for Park Lane but there will only be 2 blue Mayfair stickers in the 'promotional universe' for the big £500k prize. so the prizes are there to be won its a matter of whether people bother to enter or not.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:49, closed)

had a fair bit of luck in competitions myself, and I completely agree with you, the general rule seems to be that if a competition involves no effort at all, and people think "sod it, I might as well", you might as well not bother as the chances are so minute. If it seems like a hassle to enter, then you have a really good chance
(clinteastwoodbradfield, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:44, closed)

again, correct
we actually insure ourselves from promotions being oversubscribed and therefore costing more than they make. particularly on buy, get free promotions.

the case study is the Hoover Free flights promo of the late eighties. Nearly bust Hoover.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:52, closed)

You admit to working in marketing,
then urge everyone to take part in marketing promotions?

Nice try, but please fuck off.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:52, closed)

no, i urged people not to purchase things purely because there is a promo attached
but if it is something you would buy anyway, then you might as well participate, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain

so, please, you fuck off
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:54, closed)

I can see right through you.
Still, a man's got to eat, I suppose. Not my problem if you manage to take a few people for a ride.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:06, closed)

well im glad you can see through me because i am being completely transparent in my comments
i haven't tried to promote any of the brands i work with. I don't work with McDonalds - if i did i wouldn't have been allowed to take part and claim a prize.

i'm not the one here named after brand of fried maize snack shit, so unless you live in a cave licking mould off the walls - you're already part of 'the ride'. i guarantee you have clothing or goods with brand labels on them that you are happy to be associated with. So enjoy the ride and keep please your hands inside the carriage.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:12, closed)

now if you will excuse me i have to go and dream up ways to make people buy shit*
*possibly, but not necessarily, shit they need, want or already regularly purchase. Terms & Conditions always apply but I can't see how I could ever affect your statutory rights.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:18, closed)

Coming from someone who works in marketing,
an encouragement to enter marketing promotions is exactly what it looks like. Protest all you want.

Oh, and I hate to break it to you, but "monster munch" isn't my real name.

_{Eat more crisps. Eat more crisps. Eat more crisps. Eat more crisps. Eat more crisps. Eat more crisps. Eat more crisps.}

Edit: I have no problem with marketing, but marketing that tries to pretend it isn't marketing makes me rather cross.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:26, closed)

So you're suggesting
That spimf writing a story on QOTW, about competitions, in which he admits to working in marketing, amounts to a stealthy attempt at marketing?

Fucking hell...
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:38, closed)

jesus Monster, you are fucking slow
i've said it twice now but i will happily say it again, just for you

i am not urging you to buy goods because they have a promo on them. if fact i've urged you not to (not particularly cunning considering that's what pay's my salary)

similarly i have not tried to promote any of the brands i work for

i have merely suggested that if you buy something because you want/need/regularly purchase THEN spot there is a promo attached, you might wish to participate because: you have already paid for it and could also win something for no further outlay. which is in fact 'sticking it' if you will, to cunts like me, because frankly if you buy the crap but don't try to win the stuff WE GET TO KEEP IT.

should you win a cash prize you may wish to spend the money on some sort of basic english comprehension course.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:40, closed)

Quite right.
There's absolutely no way that you stand to benefit from more people believing that they have a chance of winning a prize in a promotion.

I'm literally drowining in your altruism.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:52, closed)

i give up
i've clearly urged you NOT to be suckered into buying stuff because of promos.

i've simply pointed out that if you have already bought the crap you might wish to try and claim the prize because a lot of stuff goes unclaimed.

right i'm off to push more evil on an unsuspecting public.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 12:03, closed)

I'd like to believe that I've given you too much credit.
I really would.

But I can't.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 12:11, closed)

Fuck me, monster
Are you being deliberately obtuse? FFS...
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Wed 4 May 2011, 15:01, closed)

Bear with me:
- Marketeer spreads the idea that promotional competitions really are worth entering, as you might win something.
- But not to worry, he's being our friend, and not trying to further his own interests (he even advises that we don't buy any more stuff than usual).
- (Possibly) The more suggestible b3tans get the idea that promotional competitions are worth their time, and so are more drawn to products with promotions.
- Products sell, promotions are seen as worthwhile, marketeer gets more work.

So, either

a) I'm right
b) I'm overly cynical / he's not as good a marketeer as I think
or
c) I'm Derren Brown.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 16:34, closed)

or maybe i am actually Satans little helper
Bear with me:
- creative who works in marketing offers anecdote expressing surprise that even though he understands the industry it was still novel to actually win something
- i have no desire to use B3ta to further my own interests as social media is the great red herring of marketing i.e. brand managers get in a lather about it but it actually sells fuck all (see Pepsi)
- if i was trying to get people to enter promotional competitions in order to line my own greasy pockets i would at least try and push the brands i have an interest in their way.


So,
a) you're still wrong
b) you are cynical, but then so am i (which is possibly why my promotions are so stonkingly successfull)
c) you do come across as a bit of a cunt (no offence) but i wouldn't go so far as to suggest you were Derren Brown.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 17:21, closed)

^ this
Spimf mate, I don't think it's worth arguing with MM, he's obviously decided he's right and disappeared up his own bum...
(Sir Itchalot has a very self-referential signature, Wed 4 May 2011, 18:43, closed)

I still don't believe you,
and will wallow happily in my belief that this is indeed a very subtle attempt at insidious marketing, even if it isn't. Which it is.

At least we can agree on Derren Brown.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 19:34, closed)

Honestly I think spimf is just resurrecting the old adage
"you've got to be in it to win it", I think the fact he works in league with Satan ;P is immaterial other than he is able to point out that many prizes go begging because people don't enter the prize-draw out of apathy, ignorance, whatever...
"Which brings me to my point, don't buy something just because it has a promotion on it, but if you do, take part."
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 4 May 2011, 22:24, closed)

Bill Hicks and the hypocrisy of righteousness.
How did people know about the tickets for his shows, and the videos and records, people's purchasing of which paid for his lifestyle?

Oh yes - that would be advertising and marketing.

I enjoy Bill Hicks (the asassination pun is sheer brilliance) but really - anyone buying into the whole worthy rant about "It's just a ride, man, they eyes of fear make us buy bigger locks, the eyes of love will free us" is either a spotty 16 year old male virgin, or someone who hasn't yet grown out of being a spotty 16 year old virgin.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 4 May 2011, 12:53, closed)

Take away people's right to quote Bill Hicks,
and large sections of the internet will collapse.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 13:00, closed)

*small ripple of appluse from the evil marketing cunt towards A Vagabond*
(i'll stick it on the retainer)
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 13:17, closed)

Please do.
If you're interested in any more of my opinions, I assure you my prices are very reasonable.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 4 May 2011, 13:38, closed)

i think you'll find my ripple of applause constitutes a PR service...
effectively promoting the Vagabond brand via social media.

i'll look at this a pitch to secure your business (then bill you for the time in some other way once we have you on retainer) as this is an internet forum please regard the slap up meal, drinks and potentially a trip to a lap dancing bar later on to help 'bond with the new client' as being 'virtual'. although i'll still probably put it on my expenses.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 14:25, closed)

was that £500 in monopoly money though?

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 4 May 2011, 15:30, closed)

it's never enough
i'm satan personified remember, you haven't paid enough till i have the deeds to your soul.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 15:39, closed)

How strange. I really don't like advertising of any type, and think I would jump on any marketing, but I really, really can't see what monster munch is on about, and how he can't see the irony of choosing to go around on the Internet reminding people of a type of crisp while moaning about sneaky marketing.

If spimf was subliminally marketing, then do you know what? I bow down to his amazing ability to do it so subtly.
(clinteastwoodbradfield, Wed 4 May 2011, 17:37, closed)

shhhh!

( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 17:40, closed)

The matrix has you.
You really should eat more crisps.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 19:39, closed)

Possibly
However your name is that of a fried corn corn starch snack that is for legal purposes, pedantry and making you look like a dick, not actually a crisp.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 4 May 2011, 21:10, closed)

You sunk my battleship.
Drink Pepsi.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 4 May 2011, 21:18, closed)