I would like to become immensely rich.
I would put my money to good use.

To begin with, I would summon a meeting of the world's most highly-respected football pundits, and demand that they produce for me a list of the world's top 30 players, the world's top two managers, and the world's top referee.

I would then summon those players, those managers, and that referee. Using a tombola, I would divide the players into two teams, and assign each team a manager. The manager's job would be to choose a starting line-up and substitutes from his 15 players. I would call one team "The Reds", and the other "The Blues".

Then I would hire the stadium that all the people I'd consulted deemed to be the world's best.

And then I would hold a match between The Reds and The Blues. Whoever won would be declared the winner - not just of that match, but of football tout court.

And then we'd never have to endure another fucking game ever again.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 10:45, 11 replies)

Sounds like quite a game
I still wouldn't watch it though
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 10:55, closed)

Quite honestly, nor would I.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:00, closed)

Please don't do that
I'd miss watching Norwich, rubbish as they normally are.
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:05, closed)

Yes!
This.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:09, closed)

The ultimate game...
It's already been staged:

The setting: San Siro stadium, Milan
The teams: Inter Milan, Tottenham Hotspur
The time: Next Tuesday! :)

And of course, no reds are involved (better dead than red).

Of course, this is from my totally biased perspective as a Spurs fan :)
( snee held his breath since, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:31, closed)

Who won?

(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:11, closed)

Hell yeah
Think of the revenues. Think of the televisual peace afterwards.
( .Yeti., Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:33, closed)

I disagree
Much as I hate the way soccer pollutes the airwaves, Internet and printed media, it does keep the proles under control quite effectively.

Better would be to simply keep it behind closed doors and ban it from the media. If handled properly this could see attendances soar, and clubs would have to pay players what they could afford from gate takings, meaning right-minded individuals like me don't have to pay a surcharge on groceries and TV licence/subscriptions. Bring it on...
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:55, closed)

But I'd still know it was happening.
I may not be able to see it, but it'd still be there.

Football. Unkillable and unstoppable, like a dalek made of cancer.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:15, closed)

I must remember this for future use.

( MatJ LOOK, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 12:41, closed)

Well fucking said!
*clicks furiously*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:44, closed)