a remarkable day
I was sitting in a street cafe in Portugal enjoying an iced coffee when a shady-looking character sidled up to me and offered me some class A drugs. In a flash, a team of undercover policemen wrestled him to the ground and arrested him. A black, unmarked van took him away.

Blimey! I thought. A real life crime! But at that very moment a man of the Arab persuasion ran screaming from a shop with a bandolier of explosives around his chest. He screamed "Allah Akbar Jihad!" and made to blow up the entire street. But a group of undercover policemen shot him seven times between the eyes and threw his corpse into another unmarked black van.

Lordy! I thought. Imagine the chances of that! I turned to remark upon the fact to my immediate neighbour, a bald man stroking a white cat and speaking with an indistinct foreign accent into a skull-shaped microphone: "You will pay us ten billion dollars or reap the revenge of nuclear apocalypse!"

Before I could do a thing, a man in a dinner jacket abseiled from a helicopter and engaged in 20 minutes of dramatic hand-to-hand combat before dispatching the bald man and his cat by throwing them into a wood shredder. Blood sprayed everywhere.

I was shocked. I turned to my other side and saw a small man in a uniform barking orders in German to his mobile. He had a small moustache and was waving his arms around something rotten! I could only make out the words "untermenschen" and "Juden." A few weeks later the Mediterranean had been conquered in a blitzkrieg attack and the Semites of Europe carted off to who knows where.

I left without paying.
(frankspencer, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:38, 6 replies)

damn
I hate it when that happens.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 13:07, closed)

...
Same shit, different day...

*click*
(Nuclear Ninja like a radioactive Chuck Norris..., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 13:58, closed)

sounds familiar
sure it hasn't bindun?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 14:32, closed)

!
I can't believe you left without paying!
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 15 Feb 2008, 2:59, closed)

'I left without paying.'

Best. Line. Ever. 100% of FACT.

*clicks*
(Jester_, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 15:30, closed)

aah.
I was reading it through and wondering where the crime bit came into it.

It's not fair leaving without paying, think of how you just getting up and leaving like that has had an effect on the business.
(clayud, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 17:44, closed)