Not me but a friend...
Was awoken one night by a noise coming from outside. He looked out of the window to see a guy had broken into his shed. So called the police. They said that they had no officers available to come out right now.
"Fine!" he said "I'll just go shoot the bastard!"

By the time he had got downstairs. The street was swarming with armed response cars, police and a helicopter overhead.

When quizzed, the copper said "I thought you said you had a gun!" in which he replied "And I thought you said you had no one available!"






Sorry a fitting joke for this QOTW!
(Miggyman, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 13:14, 9 replies)

Are you friends with the OAP from this urban legend which has gone round and round since about 2000
?
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 13:34, closed)

^^^^^^^^
I think you'll find that it was intended as a joke.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 13:59, closed)

That's no urban legend
My brother resorted to this tactic and it worked.

His house faces a field which slopes down to a wooded stream. A gang of chavs had set up a drinking den down there and were making a row into the wee hours. My brother, having his two young kids being woken up, rang the cops but got the usual brush-off. He then told them he was going over to a mates and getting his shotgun "To sort them out". He unhelpfully declined to tell the cops his name and address and then hung up.

10 minutes later and several paddywagons appear, bundle the chavs into them and peace is restored.

The following night and a few of the harder chavs made a reappearance. My brother phones the cops again "It's me again and I've got the gun on me this time." Cue more paddywagons and cue no chavs bush drinking there anymore.
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 14:00, closed)

Number one: URBAN LEGEND.
Number two: maybe nobody is available as they're busy dealing with bigger crimes...which then go ignored as they're dragged away by a smaller crime falsly inflated.

So next time you hear someone breaking into your house in the middle of the night, possibly intending harm, perhaps the police don't turn up promptly because some knobhead overvalues his shed.
(Musuko, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 14:14, closed)

Musuko...
...are you a cop or something yourself? The guy clearly intended this as a joke (and got a click from me) and I remember you had a go at someone in the past fortnight on a QOTW for making a jokey post which didn't agree with your morals.

Chill dude, its all a bit of fun!
( MadAdamUk was last alive on, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 14:26, closed)

@MadadamUk
Nope, not a cop. Just someone who doesn't want the police not showing when I'm getting mugged because someone has taken their attention by lying about having a gun.

The OP was joking, but Fanta Menace wasn't. I was mostly addressing him, really. It's not "yeah, stick it to the man"...it's "shoot yourself in the foot for when you actually need them".

You remember the Legless battle, huh? :P
(Musuko, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 16:41, closed)

Oh yes...
I remember the Legless battle.

Once again, I find myself compelled to remark.

I donno, maybe I'm just subliminally drawn to your masculine guile, but perhaps its because once again you're taking QOTW and turning it into Jeremy fucking Kyle.

Joke or not, two things are made clear by this.

1. Police are seriously understaffed, and yeah, if they don't have officers available, that's understandable, but armed response are not 'regular' officers, and are only dispatched for specific emergencies in the vast majority of cases. Basically, if there were no coppers to protect a blokes shed, there's not likely going to be one showing up to stop you getting your arse kicked.

2. Odds are you'd not have a copper to help you out anyway, since clearly they're all too busy being dragged into 'sensitivity training' or 'proper protocol' meetings. Either that or they're busy pretending to look useful by pacing around a town center, coincidentally in the opposite direction from ANY situation they'd be needed to attend.

Face it, one way or another you're going to get mugged, at least let someone keep their shed in good nick.

Besides, chavs have it coming, and I will bitterly defend that remark until I'm blue in the face.
(HomeWithTheDownies A towering inferno of penisy pleasure, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 2:48, closed)

Hmm.
Fair enough, HomeWithTheDownies.

But even if the armed response team don't have more serious issues to be dealing with when you call them, they're certainly not going to be happy being called out for a hoax. You'll either be done for wasting police time, or have a hard time getting them to help you the next time someone goes after your shed.

Short term gain for long term cost. Not smart. *shrug*
(Musuko, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 12:02, closed)

Regardless of whether it's OK to do this...
I doubt it'd work. If you phone the police with a real gun crime it takes them ages to turn up whilst they assemble said armed response team, even if you insist that the shooters have all left.

People die all the time cos of this! It's probably better to lie and say you've been stabbed if you've really been shot.
(Wikidd, Tue 19 Feb 2008, 19:30, closed)