Work in an office?
Got a computer in front of you?

Bored?

Right, then.

The machine in front of you is the second most complex, sophisticated and fascinating machine you'll ever use (the first being your own genitals). Computers (like your genitals) are tools for the creation of rather impressive things.

All too often, people expect other people to "work" with computers. This is a silly way of looking at what computers can do; computers are supposed to be our slaves, not our taskmasters. The idea is that they do the boring shit, and we think about stuff and make things that require creative thought.

If your job involves anything that you have to do over and over again, you can automate it and let the computer do your work for you.

Copying sets of numbers from one application to another? Figure out the tab stops and keyboard shortcuts (use the tab key to move between buttons, and space to press those buttons - use the mouse as little as you can, the keyboard is always faster), write them down in sequence, and write a little program to do your work for you.

The above link will tell you all about AutoHotKey, a program (and accompanying simple programming language) for sending keystrokes and clicks to Windows. Over, and over, and over again, until you tell it to stop. The language it uses is really, really simple and easy to understand.

Even if you've never written a program or script before, just give it a go - even if you're computer illiterate, it's a lot easier than you think, I promise. And the worst that can happen is that you'll have wasted an hour on a very interesting if futile activity, and maybe learned something new.

Before too long, after you've realised just what a piece of piss it is, you'll be scripting like mad. You'll have 90% of your work automated, leaving you to do what humans can do but computers can't.

Thinking, and creating.



...now, if you think you were bored before, you're going to be really fucking bored now. You've set up your computer to do most of your work for you. Which is, y'know, what computers are supposed to do anyway, but it kinda leaves you with seven to eight hours each day with nothing to do.

So you turn up to work, you engage in soul-crushing boredom for a good proportion of your life, and waste hours of your best years that you're never, ever going to get back. Unlike money, you can't make more time.

Now, a quick shift in perspective is what's needed; your company is paying you to escape their evil clutches. They're giving you a computer, a salary, and enforcing eight hours a day where you'll be in the presence of this computer with nothing to do but use your imagination. They're practically pushing you out of the door.

Let's come back to what I said before about your computer (and your genitals). Sophisticated, powerful machine to make creation easier. Now, you're stuck in one place all day with a machine in front of you that can do anything, really anything you can think of except think and create. Your company is, bizarrely enough, paying you to be there.

This machine, and the money you're being paid, can help you to be whatever you want to be. You can be an artist, a novelist, a poet, a programmer, a songwriter, a businessman, or all of the above.

I bought some web space and a reseller account, and set up a little web hosting company. Within a little while, it was earning me some nice extra beer tokens each month. I did it all in work, using programs I ran from my flash drive. In between, I was writing some short fiction and posting it around here and there, soliciting donations from readers. It doesn't make much money, but it's something I enjoy and my company is paying me to do it, so why the hell not?

The most frightening part about being self-employed is quitting your day job. The security offered by consistent pay is very cushy, very safe, very comfortable. But if you've got a computer that's doing your work for you and nothing to do, and your company is paying you to be there, then you don't have to quit your day job. Your company is financing your start-up costs.

At least set up something to earn some extra money for you by doing something you enjoy. Preferably something where you do the work once, and then get paid forever.


Some suggestions:

Using your newfound scripting skills, write a nifty little freeware program that does something useful, and submit it to free software websites. Ask for donations from people who like the program.

Make a website. Learn a little bit of HTML and CSS, and use Geeklog or WordPress if you want a blog. Just jump right in, this is the sort of thing that you can learn as you go along. Put something on this website - whatever you want. Put up some ads, and earn some extra pennies. You can even do this in the office without Internet access, just use XAMP on your Flash drive.

Write a story. Again, post it for free on the Internet and ask for donations (you'll actually get paid more doing it this way than with getting published - the publishing industry is a fucking joke these days).

Write a game. This is what I ended up doing, and it's full of foetid midget brothels. /shameless self-promotion

If you don't want or need to make money, make something. Even if it's something internal, like knowledge or strength or self-knowing - change something from being in one state to being in another state, but make it something that will still matter to you after you go home. You can learn literally anything, research any topic you want, using Google and Wikipedia.

Did you know that the kangaroo's reproductive process is akin to a human woman having a baby one month into the pregnancy and then carrying the foetus around in her handbag for eight months? I should probably mention that this handbag has nipples in it. Thanks, Wikipedia. Ever heard of a guy called Nikola Tesla? Look him up in Wikipedia, he invented the 20th Century and his story is fucking fascinating. Look up Pykrete while you're there, too. Floating battleships made of ice and sawdust? Yes please!

Get a pair of these (don't pay that much, though), take them into work and give them a squeeze when you're contemplating what to do next. Give yourself forearms like Popeye.

Talk to other people who are bored at work, whether they're in your office or on the other side of the world. Talk to as many people as you can. Make friends.

If you really can't think of anything to do, think about why you're in this job, how you got here, why you're bored. Sit and think, really have a good proper think, about what you want and how to get it. Imagine what would make a perfect life, and what would make you and those around you happiest, and work backwards from there. Be totally and completely honest with yourself - figure out what you're good at, what you need to become good at, what's good about life and what's bad, and how to fix the bad shit.

But for fuck's sake, do something. Start something, change something, make something better. You, with the help of that frankly fucking amazing machine in front of you, can do whatever you want.

Don't be bored.



Fuck me, that was a long post. And I only wrote it 'cause I was bored.


EDIT: And another thing!

I really, honestly, can't recommend this enough. It's a free program that helps you keep track of all your projects and where you're up to with them.

The general principle is that before you can do anything, you've got to do something else. If something's big and daunting, the idea is to split it up into little bits, and split those little bits up into littler bits, and do them one little bit at a time. It helps you to answer the big question of "Where the fuck do I start," and that's not just for projects either, it's for sorting your life out in general.
(CavemanJoe lives on improbableisland.com, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 20:14, 14 replies)

Thankyou
Inspirey and all shiney and good. I want an office job!
(Snake (on a) Crane FKA thwack, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 21:00, closed)

Thank you!
For getting to the end of that bloody long and not-terribly-funny post!

...I tried to capture attention by putting in references to willies and fannies at the start?
(CavemanJoe lives on improbableisland.com, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 21:10, closed)

Good one Joe


The Power of NOW !
(The Cats Twat, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 21:11, closed)

Or...
...the power of "I'll just make a cup of tea first." Tea is good for coding!
(CavemanJoe lives on improbableisland.com, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 21:34, closed)

Ace post
You've inspired me to actually DO something. And I know what it is... oh yes!

Thank you.
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 21:13, closed)

Go on, then...
...what is it?
(CavemanJoe lives on improbableisland.com, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 21:33, closed)

thanks
reading that passed 5 minutes of work, back to drooling on my keyboard
(knackerz is skinning up, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 0:46, closed)

Three words
For.

The.

Win.
( MatJ LOOK, Sat 10 Jan 2009, 2:14, closed)

Bloody top notch
im gonna be trying these things to liven up my drab office existance i thank you from the bottom of my cold black heart
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Sat 10 Jan 2009, 4:56, closed)

Many posts on b3ta
have me laughing, or intrigued, or confused, or moved.

Occasionally, a post comes along which gets me inspired. This is one of those posts.

Good work.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 11 Jan 2009, 15:34, closed)

Cool post
I've been wanting to start a blog for ages now, dick about with a bit of PHP, learn how to tweak and twiddle with wordpress and what not and even get my own domain name!

Trouble is I can't think of anything good, so I'm still lazing away and wasting time. But now I'm inspired!
(slotbadger, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 13:14, closed)

Wow, amazing post
Surely used up at least 10 minutes of my revision time, bloody exams :D

What really helps me when i'm bored - YOGA! Being able to touch your toes for the first time since finding walking difficult is a strange experience.

Also, if you have a smartphone with windows (or even if you dont), try using a program called mscape, a free download which allows you to create games, tours, many things for GPS enabled devices. Quite difficult to understand, so look it up
(Procrastinate now! It's not opposite day!, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 21:33, closed)

Thankyou
Just what was needed this week
(Meya, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 17:45, closed)

I suspect....
...that if you look up the definition of 'get a life' you'll find a picture of this guy.

I can't decide whether it's inspired or just a bit sad. Either way, *click*.

(ps. less coffee may help you)
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 10:42, closed)