CB Bicycle
On around 12 years old I had a CB radio that was used to communicate the most inane drivel ever to drivel out of a driveling 12 year old. Anyway...one day, for reasons best long forgotten (finding girls houses) I decided that it would be awesome to mount this on my bike and triangulate for the aforeforgotten reason (girls). Using the various finely crafted machining facilities, tools, and superior fabrication materials at my disposal (garage floor/side of coin as a screwdriver/scrap metal junk left around) I somehow managed to mount the CB between the handle bars.

Needing to obtain an battery and antenna proved no problem as my neighbor conveniently left one of each secured to his new car in his locked garage. One butter knife later and the garage side window lock was free...and so were the battery and antenna.

Now the bike I had had one of those impressively useless metal "book racks" on the back, you know the kind with the 400 ft/lb tension hold down spring, but the design and capacity to hold somewhat less than one comic book. To a twelve year old this is MORE than sufficient to support a 20 kg battery and antenna, and it did until...

Driving down a steep grass hill at full speed the front tire dropped fully and resolutely into a deviously unseen hole followed by "slow speed" of the rear tire, battery, and 8 foot antenna attempting to be the first to travel to the moon unaided by rockets but instead pivoting on the front axle, snapping the bike rack neatly on both aluminum support twigs, and nearly skewering, decapitating, and crushing me simultaneously.

I couldn't believe it! (Man was I dumb at 12.)

Was my mother at home to comfort me when I dragged my bloody body and this mass of metal wreckage back? No...but the neighbor was, and didn't that battery and antenna look familiar...
.
.
(OMG-Hilarious, Sun 6 Dec 2009, 13:18, 10 replies)

Yeah, but...
Did you successfully triangulate?
( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Sun 6 Dec 2009, 14:10, closed)

You bet your ass, I located and dated a desperate girl a few streets over a couple of times then found out she was only 9...it was icky.

Also I discovered that this setup was perfect for sending crystal clear audio over the TV on the most popular network. So every night at prime time, (until I got down to 8 remaining lives), I would drive up in front of houses where you could see the TV flashing in the window and became the first televangelist. I recall stating the entire periodic table of elements in order from memory over one hapless households TV.
(OMG-Hilarious, Sun 6 Dec 2009, 14:38, closed)

You weren't
'Born to Kill' were you?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 6 Dec 2009, 18:09, closed)

Naw...
But I do have three single space pages, bulleting one per line of potentially terminal experiences I have somehow survived intact. QOTW by QOTW they will gradually appear I am sure.
(OMG-Hilarious, Sun 6 Dec 2009, 21:52, closed)

Don't suppose
you knew somebody by the name of 'Psycho Pig'? Something of the kind was done by said chap!
(Sir Clitherington Smythe offers him yourself., Sun 6 Dec 2009, 23:40, closed)

He put a CB Radio on a Bicycle too? Cool!
(OMG-Hilarious, Mon 7 Dec 2009, 5:41, closed)

Click!
This is actually quite charming, in a weird sort of way. Nicely done, sir.
( SpankyHanky, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 17:31, closed)

Hehe thanks for the unsolicited response...
SpankyHanky, as one of the "Warlords of B3ta, Masters of the Inanuts" has found my story quite charming, I can now be arsed to write another one.
(OMG-Hilarious, Wed 9 Dec 2009, 0:26, closed)

I like it but I'm not clicking
because you used the word 'cue'.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 9 Dec 2009, 11:37, closed)

Funny,I had a bad feeling when I used the evil, long past overused "cue" shortcut but arrogantly used it anyway. I thank you for correcting me and will endeavor to not allow myself to drop into that error again, hehe (and also corrected.)
(OMG-Hilarious, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 4:04, closed)