MEN don't read instructions
While at uni in Edinburgh earlier this year, I mentioned to my mum on the phone that my can opener was a bit old and dodgy. A few days later I opened my post to find a shiny new can opener, sent all the way from darkest Suffolk (mums, eh? gotta love 'em). Delighted with my latest aquisition* I rushed into the kitchen to begin making a huge pan of chilli. The can opener didn't work. I got my flatmate in from the other room, and he couldn't work it either. Eventually we gave up and went back to the dodgy but still useable original opener.

About a month later I had gone back to Suffolk, taking my flatmate with me so he could catch a cheaper flight back to Lithuania. We were sat in my living room when I mentioned to mum that the can opener didn't work and was useless. "Oh yes?" she said. "Are you sure you're using it properly?". "I am in the middle of a Physics degree. I think I can use a can opener" I replied in overly smug tones. "Good" said she. "Because you do know that it removes the entire top of the can, rather than just cutting a circle in the lid?"

I'm still being laughed at half a year later.


*May not have actually been delighted, but then again, I hadn't been out in a while.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 23:10, 8 replies)

My other half has a first in mathematics and one of those can openers
I can't use it because I'm left-handed.
He says I can't use it because I have an art degree and I don't understand basic physics.
I think your story shows once and for all that those tin openers are just sh*t.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 23:41, closed)

I have a cheapo tin opener
much like the specimen shown here

As you can see, the wider handle, which sits in the palm of your hand, is ergonomically angled to fit comfortably in the right hand (to my simple, physics student mind). My problem is, if i'm holding it with my right hand, I have to then cross my arms over to be able to twist the thing and open the tin.

What am I doing wrong?!
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 23:55, closed)

I have one like that and I hold it in my left and turn the wheely bit with my right... I can't imagine it would be comfortable in your right hand?

*wanders off to kitchen to play with can opener...*
(mad-mother, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 0:02, closed)

those can openers
are really annoying. I don't want to take the whole top off, because often you want to use the circle that you cut out to squeeze any juice out. If you take the whole top off you lose this ability!
(jonny_power boom chika wah wow, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 0:03, closed)

Yes, I quite agree
Opening a tin of tuna is a case in point.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 8:24, closed)

Why not
...open half way round the can.
Then tip and the water will pour out without the contents coming out.
Then finish opening it.

Voila, one open and drained can of tuna.
(TheProfessor For all your redbearded intellectual needs, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 15:48, closed)

I fuckin HATE
those can openers. Not just because I failed the initial operational intelligence test, but because if you take the thick metal ring off the top of the can, the bastard collapses in the middle when you pour out the contents. And has a razor sharp edge.

Yes, yes, I know. Safety scissors for me.
(Que?, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 3:29, closed)

I hate those
and couldn't figure them out either the first time. I have multiple degrees, so don't feel bad.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sat 17 Jul 2010, 22:56, closed)