I'm terrified, as this posts contains:
Hilarious drunk b3tan
OMG I TALKED 2 A GURL.
and DrUGz0Rz?!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:04, archived)

I was being liberal with the term "girl", mind.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:04, archived)

I think the amazing thing is that you replied to your
own post.

Yeah it doesn't include the typical "I drank 30 pints and then pulled sextuplet supermodels" though, as I get annoyed by those people who post those things too.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:07, archived)

This isn't the first time "amazing" and "you" have featured in a reply to me, to be fair.
Treat this as grown up advice.

Don't go see the cocaine dealer. She has a big chav boyfriend who's going to rip your head off if you do.
This is almost a guarantee.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:09, archived)

I can imagine this being true to be perfectly honest



Maybe I should find out some information about her before I do anything?
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:13, archived)

Find out who produced her last album.
Etc.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:14, archived)

SHIT
she's Lily Allen.


Glad I got out of that one.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:16, archived)

good morning JMG

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:06, archived)

I'm not on long.
I was just watching a Stern episode with dwarf tossing.
I was ROFL for a good 2 hours.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:07, archived)

I'm just taking a break from shagging Kylie, Alyson Hannigan and Prince Harry
while smoking an LSD reefer and injecting marijuana resin into my eyeballs

later I'm going to listen to a speech by the head boy then wank in front of a mirror while the dog licks peanut butter off my arse

that's how cool I am tonight, how about you?
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:11, archived)

I think Head Boy is the new School Bully.
God I wish I was back at school. I could punch children all day long.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:12, archived)

and snort cocaine off them?

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:13, archived)

GENIUS!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:15, archived)

Later I let the headmaster spank me
for having a life that might be slightly too interesting for /talk.





because obviously nobody would believe me.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:28, archived)

go and sleep off your alcopops, this conversation would still be boring even if I believed you

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:32, archived)

Unfortunately I HAVE been drinking alcopops
and therefore by some sort of crazy logic I'm a gay right?


I don't care if nobody believes me, but like I said, this makes me more proud than osama bin laden on september 12th 2001, so being that nobody is really going to post anything interesting on the board, I thought I might aswell come out with it and see what abuse I get for having an adventurous life for once in a while.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:38, archived)

christ you're dull
I'm astounded by your dullness

you really are just indescribably dull and tedious

go to bed, have a good old wank and wait for mummy to bring you a cup of tea in the morning you dull child
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:40, archived)

I'm sorry oh great gilgamesh, for offending your sensibilties
from now on I will only post random bollocks on the talk board at half four in the morning when all of three people are on it.

I wouldn't want to make your life more dull than it already is now would I? What with you being on an internet message board at quarter to five in the morning.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:45, archived)

I never said you offended me
I just said you're a dull little child with an over-active imagination who can't eat three wine gums without getting wankered
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:46, archived)

Well in all honestly you don't KNOW that now do you?
If Id've said "oh yeah I drank 15 pints" then fair enough, I would've imagined I was lying. But I've been on b3ta long enough to know that people who boast about how much they've drank are usually dickheads.

So what, yeah I ate three wine gums and nearly passed out; guess I'm a terrible person aren't I? I don't think it really matters to be honest

If I was lying I would've said I shagged a pair of 18 year old blonde twins whilst drinking moet from their vaginas.

fact is I didn't, I pulled a slightly overwieght 30 year old with pretty eyes who, upon talking to her, happened to deal cocaine as a sideline- I asked her if I could "snort coke off her naked body" mostley as a joke and she said yeah.

If you choose to believe this isn't true, and I'm actually fucking sad enough to make up a story to three or four people on an internet message board at 5 in the morning, then be my guest; just don't have a go at me about it- because you have no idea how true it ACTUALLY is and it's none of your cunting business, you're not king of /talk
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:58, archived)

WOBBLE! BIG FAT FUCKING WOBBLE!
TL:DR
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 4:59, archived)

I'm RISing all over this.

( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 30 Jun 2007, 5:08, archived)