Make her a carrot cake, and then if she complains smash it on the floor and make her it it like a dog.
Look up some Eastenders scenes of Little Mo being domestic abused to see how it's done.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 24 May 2009, 12:03, archived)

It's for my boy flatmate. He's about twice the size of me and hits his girlfriend.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sun 24 May 2009, 12:07, archived)

Wouldn't that be a good reason not to make him a cake at all?
Or to check Eastenders clips on youtube for the scene where Little Mo murdered her domestic abusive husband?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 24 May 2009, 12:08, archived)

Do you often make cakes for spousal abusers?

( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Sun 24 May 2009, 12:17, archived)

Yeah quite regularly.
Want one?
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Sun 24 May 2009, 12:18, archived)

I don't have a spous at the moment
Would you make me one if I went out and kicked a duck though? I'll perform an act of animal cruelty for a white frosted marble cake
( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Sun 24 May 2009, 12:24, archived)

I'd punch an otter
for a carrot cake
( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Sun 24 May 2009, 12:32, archived)

I'll shave a puppy
for some banana cake
( mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Sun 24 May 2009, 12:33, archived)