Being an animal is fantastic.
The most basic things can make you feel completely satisfied, despite all the shit that's going on around you.
( Druid, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:05, archived)

You just had a wank again?

( Lonewolf - O R'lyeh? Ya R'lyeh!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:06, archived)

No-one is ever depressed
whilst pooing.
Think about it.
( Malchick, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:08, archived)

Unless it won't come out.
That can be quite upsetting.
(Borderline Schizo, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:09, archived)

especially if someone
knocks on the door
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:10, archived)

From the inside, trying to get out.

( Druid, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:11, archived)

most annoying

( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:13, archived)

you are Elliot
from Scrubs
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:15, archived)

but I'm not blond
*cries*
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:16, archived)

and you have fantastic norks
which she doesn't
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:17, archived)

:D thank you

( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:18, archived)

My hamster
pulls his poo out of his bum with his teeth and flings it across the cage.
It's quite disgusting.
( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:10, archived)

Sometimes, I wish I could do that

(Borderline Schizo, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:12, archived)

You wish you could munch shit out of your own anus?

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:13, archived)

please don't go any further
I can't stand the flash backs
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:14, archived)

It would be useful, wouldn't it?

(Borderline Schizo, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:14, archived)

*tries to imagine how it would be useful*
*fails*

nope, you'll have to tell me .. ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:18, archived)

Well, if it won't come out,
You could pull it out with your teeth, and avoid sitting straining on the toilet for hours.
(Borderline Schizo, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:21, archived)

you're a mathematician
.. work it out with a pencil and a slide rule

/gets coat

I'm really very sorry...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:23, archived)

I don't tend to keep those in my bathroom...

(Borderline Schizo, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:28, archived)

damn
there goes my sexy female mathematician fantasy

*sobs*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:29, archived)

*smacks arse with ruler*
Better?
(Borderline Schizo, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:31, archived)

maybe
*gets TFH*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:33, archived)

not to mention
if you could reach that far down, the unexpected onanistic perks
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:23, archived)

And you could check for thrush without using a mirror.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:28, archived)

I find the trail
of empty snail shells is a dead giveaway usually
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:31, archived)

I'd prefer just to eat more prunes.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:19, archived)

(insert humourous strikeout comment here)
( Druid, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:13, archived)

Not needed

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:16, archived)

Unless it's a really massive poo that hurts lots
or diarrhoea and you're missing a really good telly programme because you're stuck on the loo.
( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:09, archived)

Diarrhoea is the work of the devil.
It serves no purpose. It is, literally, shit.
( Druid, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:15, archived)

It gets all the nasty gutbugs which are infecting you
out of your guts without absorbing them through the intestinal wall.
( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:23, archived)

But it then carries on
for ages and ages, long after the nastiness has gone. That's why they say you should use a cork anti-poo pills.
( Druid, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:29, archived)

I think it was in Nigel Rees' book,
"Nothing is as overrated as bad sex, or underrated as a good shit"
( Druid, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:10, archived)

Being a plant is more fantastic.
You don't care about all the shit going on around you because you're given wonderful wonderful drugs to make you grow bigger.
( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:08, archived)

Like being an athlete.

( Malchick, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:15, archived)

A little leafier, I think.

( Comma, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:17, archived)

Pfft!

( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 4 Jul 2005, 21:17, archived)