I love call centres
as much as I love automated switchboards

"Press 1 to find out about BT products and services. Press 2 to get through to someone who will be able to help you so far - then transfer you to someone else. Press 3 to listen to our hold music for half an hour. Press 4 to complain about this menu system..."
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:05, archived)

*Presses 69*
For a good time.
( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:07, archived)

*pan pipe version of Lady Marmalade kicks in*


*for half an hour*
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:10, archived)

interrupted every 16.3 seconds
by a "soothing" voice telling you you're still in the queue, and you call "is important to us"
(teasus likes tea, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)

Your call is important to us.
Why else would we have gone ten minutes without answering it?
( Newington, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

If you really want to talk to someone
and you don't want to go through all of the aggro of pressing buttons and listening to menu's, do this:

Nothing. Yes., that's right, nothing. They have had to allow a way on for old spacktards who refuse to press their 'phone buttons or upgrade to a phone that doesn't actually have a dial on it.

Also repeatedly pushing 4 usually works on most menu systems.

/Used to be a call centre monkey trainer.
( trev Is not interested in your fripperies, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:09, archived)

I do this too
it's just that even when you do get through to someone, most of the time they're either subhuman or don't really understand english.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:12, archived)

I do this
it doesn't always work.
Or just press keys at random, and when you finally speak to a human being, insist that you followed the instructions perfectly.
( Newington, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)

I hum bod's tune down the phone.
I've done this for so long that I don't remember why I started doing it. I must have had a very good reason.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:17, archived)

Yay!
Thank you werry much. I shall be taking up your advice next time I talk to Vodashite/ British Shite/ Shite Power/ Etc.
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:14, archived)

Maybe it's different in the UK
but here if you don't press anything you just get them enu options reread to you over and over again.

Ning all!
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)

'ning
It does depend on the company, if they take themselves seriously as a customer service, they feel that they have to offer this option.

Pah!
( trev Is not interested in your fripperies, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:21, archived)

i am one of those people with a shitty old phone
for a few weeks at least until i get off my arse and buy a new one. and although that works on some menu systems, it doesn't work on BT - i tried it last night. I was going round in circles for ages.
"We didn't register any selection there, please press 1 to talk to an operator"
I can't you fuckhead, i've got a gay phone, let me talk to a real person!
( Fergburger, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:16, archived)

For tech support, you must retrieve the Golden Cup from the Palace of Arthrazaarr.
For North, press 2. For East, press 4.
( Newington, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:13, archived)

*2*
It's always north. Unless your name is Baggins.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:15, archived)

Txt 2 Thorin:
"carry me"
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 10:24, archived)