If someone looks like he's going to thump you
or you think he is, but he's hiding it well, then thump him first. Right in the face. You can't take chances.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:50, archived)

I read this true story (even if it's not true, I still found it funny)
Bloke in a club suddenly feels like he's going to vomit. He rushes into the men's loos and kicks open the only available cubicle. After vomiting his guts up, he notices there was a guy that was having a shit at the time. The bloke's quick fire brain whirs away and figures that if he had been in the other guy's position and had been vomited on whilst having a shit, he'd be kicking that guy's arse now. So, to stop him from doing so, the bloke punches him square in the face and runs off.

So, there was this poor guy was just trying to have a shit in peace and he gets vomited on with a punch in the face for his troubles.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:57, archived)

I've seen this on QOTW at least once
edit: BAM
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:59, archived)

He probably read it from FHM too
EDIT: Ah, that's probably where I got the story from. I still liked it.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:01, archived)

BAM AGAIN
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:07, archived)

Maybe it was from FHM.
Oh I don't know Gilgamesh. I just don't know.
Nothing seems real anymore.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:10, archived)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:00, archived)

Or wait until he's not expecting it
and hit him with a metal bar.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 8:58, archived)

or start crying and screaming that you're a haemophiliac and when he turns away in disgust
kick him in the back
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:03, archived)