Donkey Gums’ 10 Point Guide To Posting On /Talk
Hi, I’m going to aid you in not being double shit at the internet. Here are a few pointers that you should follow before posting a new thread.

1. Is it a one word thread? Don’t post it, it’s fucking dull and shit, go out and push your face into a grow bag with shame.

2. Is it a thread about needless attention seeking? Don’t post it, it’s fucking shit and dull, stay in and push a grow bag into your face with shame.

3. Are you trying to push down a good thread with one of the above? Don’t post it, it’s grow bag and face, put one foot outside and one foot inside and fucking shit your dull with shame.

4. If you are about to post something you may feel might be good, press F5 just before you do, so you can make sure you’re not posting above something better than your BBC News Link about a dog with no legs and a pogo cock.

5. If it’s a food thread make sure it’s interesting, not just so you’ve got a list of all the things you’re going to try and eat before the day’s over as you don’t own an imagination to think of any clot busting turbo dinners for yourself.

6. If you feel shit enough to post a pun thread then make sure it’s going to make some funny replies, rather than Prussian Royal Families and Things You Find in the Veg Aisle at Sainsbury’s.

7. Try and think of something that will create discussion be it controversial/funny/whatever.

8. If you said something funny in a thread but no one saw it and you’re a big headed biffo, don’t post a new thread with a link to it, it probably wasn’t that funny in the first place and you should probably develop a faster humour thought process.

8b. If you look like someone played Skip Lorry Conkers against your face then don’t post, at all, ever. You’ve probably got a brain dent and will only embarrass yourself whilst shouting into your mouse like a CB Radio that’s a ten four Big Spacky.

9. When posting a link do a quick search to make sure it wasn’t done earlier on in the day, it will save on the abuse.

10. Finally, if you’re boasting about a sexual conquest of a beautiful woman/man then the reason you’re boasting is because it probably doesn’t happen to you as the norm because you’re ugly, and the reason why they’re not still there is probably because you’re boring and shit, and they’ll tell their friends and call you ‘The 20 Second Acne Hobbit’.

So there you go. I hope this has aided you in making /Talk a better place. Feel free to add more. Peace Out.
p.s. If it's too long for you to read then you need an eye diet you fat lensed Hufferweeb.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:32, archived)

I love you.
Not as much as I love Police Dog though.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:33, archived)

Well that's just a granted though

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:37, archived)

Skip to the end....

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:34, archived)

*pushes your face*

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:37, archived)

I got the first ever text face push yesterday. I blame Tara and Sarah
it's the girls with 'ara' in their names.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:38, archived)

Druid gave me my first facepush
with his giant mong hands.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:43, archived)

What?

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:44, archived)

L-Space past it on via text message
He's got massive hands
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:45, archived)

Meh,
that was pointless DG, everyone already knows all of that, anyone who's going to do one of those things will ignore that anyway.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:38, archived)

in fact someone will probably do one or many of those on purpose now for the lulz

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:39, archived)

probably :D

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:41, archived)

It's a ref point.
Anyway, you're boring by proxy. Up your game MoT for the sake of JMG. You're like Lovejoy's shit brother, Killjoy.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:40, archived)

This is a very good list.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:56, archived)

but.... but...
that means JMG falls foul of Rule 2 nearly every post.
surely you can't be descriminating against the self-proclaimed King of B3ta?
ah well, anything for a better /talk

edit: offensive smiley removed. it was only a :D sorry JMG
( evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 15:23, archived)

SMILEY.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 17 Aug 2009, 15:38, archived)