i.imgur.com/GbYY6.gif
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BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:23,
archived)
"Right, next up on Mock the Week is the Wheel of News. Where we spin the wheel and whatever topic it lands on, our performers must do a routine based around it.""Right then Piston. Your topic tonight is... Festivals. Piston, go ahead."
So.
With sort of like with seeming in mind, urm, it is obviously festival season. Anyone going to any rock festivals soon? Leedsfest? Good luck.
Right.
Because, because, I'm not sure if this is true or not, but I had heard a story about a guy who sort of like, he's shall we say just a little bit different. He dresses up in a dry suit, this is from what I've heard, I don't know if it's true or not, dresses up in a dry suit with like full mask and snorkel and everything else. And goes and lurks in the long drops. And likes to play a little game with people. Yeah, you've heard this before haven't you. Oh well, so it goes. And, urm, you know he, he likes to, uh, like I say, play a little game. Don't spoil the punchline for me, please. Otherwise I'll be singling you out for a complaint later on. And, like I say, likes to lurk and he lurks in the long drops. Until you at the most vulnerable, your trousers around your ankles already feeling a little bit bleurrgh because of all of the various substances alcohol and the fact that, you know, your dung handles are you know pretty much brushing your shoes. And just at that moment apparently he likes to pop up and just go POP UP PIRATE you know like that.I'm gonna say if you've not had a shit before you certainly will after that.
(, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:32, archived)
Haha, that's not even halfway.(
BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:38,
archived)
Is this you?25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l1setkfGlk1qa6uqso1_250.gif
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CowJam, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 17:08,
archived)
Wait a sec, did he say that? As soon as you wrote Festival, I _knew_ it would be that story.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:47,
archived)
I hope you're not implying that the only original bit of material in piston broke's stand up routine found atwww.jamescartercomedy.com is the bit about being bumraped by a tramp that fell completely flat and backfired on him enormously and that the rest of it is really old stolen jokes from viz and other suchlike places?
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BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:50,
archived)
Good grief, I don't even understand half the words in thatYou could be making this up but the thing is I would never know because I've never lasted more than thirty seconds
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Theoban What of it, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:48,
archived)
Piston on.. ChavsThat's just some of the silliness that we see on a daily basis. I mean, for example, once I was waiting at a train station taking part in the commonly known activity as waiting for trains. As you do. And I was there obviously watching the situation. There was my favourite member of the human species just for taking the piss out of: The Chav. He was standing there doing what chavs do - being fucking annoying cunt. But anyway. He was standing there with his can of Special Brew, cigarette, and mobile phone playing what can only be described as fucking noise.
Oi, Wh-where you going?
Alright.
Anyway, back to the story, so he said, doing what he's doing, and there's this little eight year old running around doing what eight year olds do - going, sort of going like "ooh, well, happy days, happy days", you know, I'm not going to run around and run up all my energy so that I won't be an annoying little gimp whatever. And of course his parents were there, I mean, who would leave an eight year old child on there own with a train station? But, come off it. Sorry. And urrrm, yes, so he they're all in their accepted roles. I'm there being the observer thinking "my God, you're being so annoying", and you know, the chav is just going murmrmrmumrmr ntz ntz ntz coming out the mobile playing. And this you know the eight year old is running around playing gets fixed up a gear in the headlights with this chav and this chav just turns round and says "what you looking at?", as chavs apparently like to do when they're sort of like glanced at for half a microsecond by anyone. And this little kid, quick as ever, hold on two seconds, quick as a flash turns around like that and says "I don't know, but it apears to be trying to communicate with me". And I swear to God I've never seen anyone go from angry to confused at the flip of a switch. And the parents just grabbed this kid - Woah! - You know, and, you know, just got out of the situation I'm just sat there silently pissing myself with laughter. Not at the moment, thank God. And, urm, I was there, you know, and you never stood a chance under the powering intellect of an eight year old.
(, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:59, archived)
I was certain I listened to it the whole way through, I even remember the people leaving partbut everything either side of it seems to have been repressed
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 17:03,
archived)
Piston on... Trains and the Welsh.Sometimes I like to take a look at my friend, thank you very much Robert Chorlton, and for driving, you know, so I don't have to deal with the bane of Britain's model train system or the wonders of some might say. You know, the inevitable delays, leaves on the line, the platitudes that come out of the speakers, like: "We are sorry to announce the train has been delayed, there is a sheep on the line currently being buggered by a Welshman". For all you Welsh people out there, it's kind of my trait to take the piss out of them. For I am British after all.
(, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 17:07, archived)
Hnnnngh Welsh British aaaaaaarrrrrggh.He's so unutterably shit.
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BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 17:11,
archived)
For god's sake, it's so difficult to read.(
BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 17:08,
archived)