Just fumigated the house at 1pm, left for 3.5 hours, come back to find one of the bombs didn't go off
I've opened all the windows and I feel really ill. I'll probably die.

Went to an antiques fair. It was shit. How have you wasted your Saturday?
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 16:59, archived)

Cleaned the windows and swore at a squirrel
Little bastard destroyed my sunflower
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 17:16, archived)

Foxes used most of mine as bedding.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 19:23, archived)

You need to get the professionals in
These home jobs don't work
(Lord Buttfart is the worst cunt you'll ever meet, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 17:31, archived)

Doyle: Is this place bugged?

Bodie:(throws smokebomb through window, smiles at Doyle) Not any more!
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 17:48, archived)

The flea I just found crawling up my leg suggests you are correct.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 19:22, archived)

Fire. And hoover. And Johnsons 4fleas foggers.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 20:30, archived)

Daily

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 20:30, archived)

I do fire and hoover daily, my budget does not stretch to fogging the whole house daily.
Fire is most effective. Do you know how hot the fire needs to be? I'm considering making an indoor flame thrower and I'd like the flame to be as cool as possible, because of all the fire and mostly flammable house coming into contact.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 23:47, archived)

Learning H.O.T. protocols for firearms attacks
Also counter-terrorism techniques, bomb threats, suspicious activity and SCaN tactics.
Because my cleaning job is really fucking dangerous, apparently.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 18:24, archived)

Well of course it is.
Vacuuming suspicious powders, emptying bins stashed full of bombs, discarded nerve agent containers, human body parts, etc. Nobody questions the cleaner if they bring a spy, saboteur or thief to work, either.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 19:21, archived)

Flatline Scoop

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 22:45, archived)

I was going to ask the hip-hop enthusiasts on here if I should pretend I'd ever heard of the cunt before today,
then I realised I don't give a fuck.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 23:00, archived)

My hair is medium length so I was never sure whether to get my hands up or make noise 😢

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 23:45, archived)

Insects hate lavender oil
Mix some up with rubbing alcohol in a spray bottle and douse your house
(Fantasma:, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:00, archived)