alarm go ding

( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 7:09, archived)

But why ding so early?

( Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 7:13, archived)

i like to wake up to feed the birds
ther're so hungry
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:39, archived)

i genuinely get up to feed the birds
i have a wagtail that sits on my bedroom windowsill and sings at me until i feed it. i can't ignore it because it's so cute.

it's also waiting for me when i get home from work.
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:43, archived)

Why did the Rastafarian get up so early?
Alarm go ding an' ting
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 8:08, archived)

I've got a side gig playing cymbal in a reggae band.
I just stand at the back an' ting.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 8:59, archived)

That joke has been doing the rounds for 20 years mate.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:06, archived)

I never claimed to be original, funny, likeable or attractive.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:07, archived)

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:11, archived)

I don't know what I'd do if I got banned from /qotw.
Probably nothing different.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:25, archived)

I created a new account so I could continue to be a dick.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:31, archived)

that seems like odd behaviour
I'd never do that
(pick n mix link in bio ❤️🌟❤️, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 12:53, archived)

Most >90000 user ID accounts are puppets or ban-evaders that just can't move on.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 14:03, archived)

i feel attacked
in my defence my previous accounts were hacked. by dickheads.
( MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 19 Mar 2025, 16:41, archived)

Now this,
this is good.
( .Yeti., Wed 19 Mar 2025, 10:06, archived)