Shat her day

( Octo I ruin everything., Sat 31 Jan 2026, 14:24, Reply)

Found a bottle of champagne in the loft... 21 years past the use by date
Y/N
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 17:43, Reply)

Insert it gingerly into your anal cavity

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 17:49, Reply)

Corked?
Y/N
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:02, Reply)

Y, use plenty of lube

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:09, Reply)

Is vaseline ok?

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:43, Reply)

Expired French alcoholic beverages are preferred as a lubricant

( Cheers Cheers, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:59, Reply)

Depends, what's its use-by date?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 19:24, Reply)

Dunno
The reduced sticker has been placed over the top
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 19:28, Reply)

Y

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:11, Reply)

Since when did champagne have use by dates?
I don't think I've ever seen one.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:20, Reply)

Does it have the classic Tesco Value logo on the label?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:22, Reply)

Marks and Spencer

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:39, Reply)

and by 'one' you of course mean 'a lady's fanny' lol

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:24, Reply)

Excuse me, I've been married to a lady for two and a half years.
Oh wait, you're right.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:28, Reply)

Mingelol

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:41, Reply)

No date on it
but the missus got it for her 21st birthday... I will not divulge her age though
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:41, Reply)

If only you'd inadvertently given us a clue

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 19:25, Reply)

She is 42
stone unfortunately
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 19:27, Reply)

Depends
Which producer and year? Might be foul
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:20, Reply)

Worth a try, though

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:28, Reply)

v see below

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:44, Reply)

^see above

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:44, Reply)

Depends
Is it poultry? Might be fowl
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 20:13, Reply)

Champagne's not famous for aging well.
You've got nothing to lose by trying it.
( .Yeti., Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:33, Reply)

Tummy ache incoming

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 18:42, Reply)

The loft?
Where it will have been heated to rather high temperatures? It’ll be vinegar, but worth trying as you’ll know the moment you taste it if it’s drinkable.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 20:27, Reply)

^on the vinegars

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 31 Jan 2026, 21:01, Reply)

+ strokes
is this it
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Sat 31 Jan 2026, 21:38, Reply)