Old story flooded back
Hopefully I'll be able to recall all of the randomness. This was over 12 years ago and looking back it was a tad irresponsible and all that... I'm a sensible grown up now :)

2 boys (shaven & neil) and 2 girls (lou and neenor), all pumped FULL of acid.

lou has her mums car and picks the other 3 of us from the night club. Me and neil jump in the back of the car only to find one of those tomy tape player/recorders with the big microphone attached which provided amusement for a good while while we were being driven to an unknown destitination. Neil had a one of those Viks nose sticks that you jam up your nose and sniff in an attempt to clear it using the power of menthol, and just had it hanging out of his nose, in my LSD fuelled state it was freaking me out when he was talking, but I did my best to ignore it dancing around like a floppy dogs cock in front of me every time he spoke. We were driving up the motorway at stupid speeds and eventually, it all got too much for me, I pulled it out of his nose, would the window down and threw the offending item out of the window hoping that would be the end of the matter.

3 seconds later .... "STOOOOOPPPPP!!!! STOP THE FUCKING CAR!!!" yelled Neil, in a state of panic. Lou slammed the anchors on in the middle lane of a motorway (about 3am thankfully so no accidents occurred). When she enquired about what was the matter Neil demmanded she reversed (up the motorway) until we got to where I had thrown his nose-stick out of the window... after about 10 seconds of reversing, he declared that this was the spot. I opened the door to get out of the back of the car and being the search... when the door finished opening, a scruffy looking drunken fella got in the back of the car with us, thanked us for stopping and passed me his whiskey bottle.

Now, this would have been strange enough an event to happen at the best of times.. but as all of our brains (and faces) were melting due to the acid... nobody could quite figure out if this was nuts or if it was a totally normal happening and it was just the acid messing with our heads. So we offered to take him to sunderland (for that is where he wanted to go)

Within a few minutes he was part of the scenery in the car and we carried on as we were, Lou glanced at the speedo and noticed she was doing 135, so we all assumed that the best course of action would be for us all (apart from Trampo) lean forward/across to the dash so we could all stare at the needle so far around the circle.. including the driver.

I returned to the back seat to find a slightly fearful looking tramp... wasn't sure why he was so quiet at the time.. looking back it's a bit obvious.

Anyway, we got into the city centre and Trampy said we could drop him "over there by that housing estate",which we did, said our goodbyes and watched him scurry off into the night. We set off driving again through the suburbs of Sunderland, trying to find our way out, when we noticed a dark car was following us.... surely not we proclaimed, it's just the drugs messing with our heads again... but after a few suggested random turns trying to "shake" them, they stuck behind us.. so we started getting scared... then a voice came over the radio saying "yes... this IS the police, pull over the vehicle" (may not have came from the radio, but it sure sounded like that and freaked us out). So over we pull, and before we have stopped rolling we are surrounded by flashing lights, 3 lock up vans, 3 striped cars and 2 unmarked cars.... I believe one or two exclamations of "OOOH FUCK, WTF!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!" may have been uttered.

A cop arrived at the car, asked Lou to get out and come sit in a car with them to have a word. It was the longest few minutes of my life.. we were all convinced we were going to jail (for what, we didn't know)>

Lou returned back to the car looking calm but tense< popped her seatbelt on and started driving. It seems they had been following us since the motorway and hadn't been able to catch us and eventually gave up, it was just coincidence they happened to pass usafter we dropped trampo off, they breath tested her for alcohol which she hadn't had any of, gave her a roasting for the speed she was doing but as none of it was caught on camera she was getting let off with a warning.

We eventually pulled into a petrol station to get a bit of fuel and some fluids, only to pull up behind the unmarked cop car, so Neil thought the best thing to do would be to buy 2 Double Deckers from the garage, casually pop them under each windscreen wiper on the police car, say cheers and give them the thumbs up and stroll back to the car. To this day I can't figure out the logic, but he seemed happy with it at the time, and the police just seemed confused/amused by his actions. I expect they loved Double Deckers so let the cheek of it slide.

We set off to Durham and laughed at flowers on the bus stops and invented new words we couldn't do without until the sun came up

The night was much longer than that, with lots of strangeness, but the rest of it probably WAS the LSD messing with out heads.. I just can't figure that any of that tramp/police saga was in any way normal, regardless of sobriety.

And before I get scalded, I am fully aware of how irresponsible the drug/driving situation was and i've wagged my own finger at myself many times

Sorry if this was a boring tale that made no sense, I just saw the Question and it popped into my head after many years of hibernation and needed to commit it to "paper"
(ShavenLunatic says touch your nose!, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:36, Reply)

Snurf and snore
I once saw a mate snort a fat line of base speed (pure amphetamine crystal), and actually fall asleep as he reached the end, toppling over into a foetal huddle.
(moon monkey better than a dance with a wet ferret in a fusebox, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:02, Reply)

On a dancefloor in darkest Dalston
I noticed that the Japanese lad in front of me suddenly froze, in mid-dance. After a couple of minutes, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if he was OK. The barest of almost imperceptably minute nods was the reply. So I left him to his internal journey; he stayed completely motionless for at least ten minutes, before resuming his shape-throwing activities as if nothing had happened.

What made it an even more bizarre sight was that directly behind him was a wild-haired hippy type, throwing himself around in a complely insane fit of spastic movements...
(moon monkey better than a dance with a wet ferret in a fusebox, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 11:00, 3 replies)

Mother Gong
We were all stoned off our tits, listening to Mother Gong. I had cottonmouth, so got up to get a glass of water.

I could overhear everyone in the room chattering away, and I started trying to figure out what they were saying. Try as I might, I couldn't focus. I stood there with my back to the room, really trying to hone in on a conversation - any conversation. I started spinning this was doing my nut I really couldn't understand I could hear them but couldn't what the fuck what the fuck are they saying "Guys!" I exclaimed, turning around, "I can't understand anything!", only to be faced by a room full of stoned students completely monged! But still with the talking! They're talking! They're talking and I can't hear them I can't understand them how are they talking what are they saying how what what the WHAT THE FUUUUUCK?!

... and then the record stopped.
( A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Time for a quick one before full time
August Bank Holiday weekend. InFest alternative festival. BRADFORD. Oh yes. Off my tits on a long-absent from my system combination of X and base (I know, I'm sorry), I glanced at my watch to try and establish whether my instincts that the time was around gibbon past watermelon were correct. At this point I noticed that the numbers were moving very quickly. After a couple of minutes squinting and refocusing (I can only hope my mouth wasn't wide open during this period), the numbers were still moving very quickly. I eventually realised that I had turned on stopwatch mode. This came as something of a surprise.

"Fucking hell", I proclaimed. "How long has that been running?"
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 10:28, 1 reply)

Bite the wax tadpole ...
There's nothing like a spot of coin cleaning to appreciate the kicking of a long standing habit.

From the age of 8 through to 22, my drug of choice was black, bubbly, potent, and when consumed in copious quantities of its liquid form; highly corrosive.

Its name was translated into Chinese as 'bite the wax tadpole'. Odd I grant you, but it fared better than its major rival. Their slogan, '[brand name] adds life' was translated as '[brand name] brings your ancestors back from the dead'. Fuckin zombie juice! Argh!! Run away.

It all started innocently enough with a glass or two amongst friends, but then I needed to study all night after working all day in an establishment with easy access to all I could consume. It just wasn't enough! I ended up licking a fat lump of the pre-mix every day. My skin erupted in pus ridden volcanos, my hands shook so bad I could hardly hand over my bus money, my studies and my social life suffered badly. Quitting was real tough, but ultimately one of the best things I have ever done.
(Que?, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 8:11, 4 replies)

Too Much Information
My lovely flatmate last year was a pharmacy student, and worked Saturdays in a chemist. One such Saturday, she came home as usual and pottered about for an hour or so, until suddenly a look of horror crossed her face. I can only assume her brain had temporarily blocked the incident.

She'd been behind the counter when a large (and by large we're talking 300lbs plus) man approached her. He was rather greasy looking and wearing a badly stained sweatshirt. He reached the counter, looked her straight in the eye and announced in a proud and happy (and loud) voice,

"I am having SEXUAL INTERCOURSE with a woman and I require SPERMICIDAL LUBRICANT!"

Somehow she managed to maintain her composure and advise him that unfortunately they had nothing suitable in stock and that it would be wise to use some form of barrier protection, but for a couple of days she seemed a little bit haunted.
(Fruitbox, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 2:03, 5 replies)