Morning my fellow internetters
How was your weekend? Was it walking in the woods, or did the wheels come off?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:42, 159 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Devoid of elderberries.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:43, Reply)

I didn't walk in any woods, nor did any wheels come off
It was a good weekend though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:45, Reply)

#average #hashtag

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:45, Reply)

Its fucking lovely at the moment, Spent the weekend drinking Gin in the pool.
Did my commute in 38 minutes with an avg speed of 16mph this morning. Not bad as its somehow uphill all the way there and uphill all the way back.
( Peej, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:47, Reply)

mine was lovely, a fantastic wedding and then playing with kids in the park yesterday and thanking fuck that i don't have any
especially as they thanked their weary, long-suffering parents by announcing that sausages for tea were "stinky" and that they wanted to live with auntie swipe. shudder.

and i got some lovely jo malone, and 3 people this morning have asked me what perfume i am wearing :)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:48, Reply)

#whoresandliars #uglyandtheysmell

( Peej, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:52, Reply)

FACKEN 'ELL, STINKS LIKE A TARTS BOOD-WAH IN ERE! WATCHOO GOT ON LUV?

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:52, Reply)

Yeah, we walked through some woods, up some hills, took some pictures by "Old John"*
and stood in many, many deer shits. Capped the day off with a pint (my first in a month) which was very Ice Cold In Alex-ish


* a folly, not the local paedo
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:50, Reply)

Pretty good. Tiring though.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:51, Reply)

Saturday was nice. Did a bbq which was awesome.
I have got a new fire pit in a table orange-ment which bbq's brilliantly.

Got these massive prawns that were £4 each but the size of a baby's arm. Lush.

Discovered I don't like Boerwurst.

Sunday was 4 trips to the dump. #stig
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 9:59, Reply)

4 trips is average for me, have some sugar free sweets, that'll get things moving.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:01, Reply)

We leave our crap at the end of the drive.
People will take fucking anything if you stick a sign saying free on it.
( Peej, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:05, Reply)

True story, Ma' wanted to get rid of a fridge, so she put it on her driveway with a sign saying "£50 ONO - Ring Bell".
It was gone in about 6 hours.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:06, Reply)

I mean, someone knicked it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:06, Reply)

Happens all the time in London. Round here you see blokes driving around in vans grabbing whatever junk they can sell for scrap.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:08, Reply)

Someone knicked a bag full of old paint tins and 8 large pieces of cardboard this weekend.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:08, Reply)

Ace - had the afternoon off on Friday, so spent it with Mrs V on the South Bank
We visited a food market, and I did a bit of hustling.

In the evening went to the local cinema club and watched Dallas Buyer's Club, which was quite good, and a little bit funny.

Saturday and Sunday spent pottering. Nice.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:09, Reply)

I thought DBC was a very good film.
Good acting.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:10, Reply)

McConnaghy's star is definitely on the rise.
He's great in it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:14, Reply)

That singer poof was good too.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:23, Reply)

Humorously enough, my car suffered a blowout on the A1 yesterday.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:12, Reply)

'Humorously'?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:18, Reply)

'Cos he said 'did the wheels come off' geddit?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:19, Reply)

I thought you meant because "blowout" sounds a bit funny. Either a bit like a word for farting, or for oral sex.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:27, Reply)

or eating a truly enormous amount of disgusting food

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:29, Reply)

if he didn't die screaming in a fire with the handbrake lodged up his arse as the car slewed into the embankment, where's the humour?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:26, Reply)

Transferring stuff from one phone to another is a drag
Please send Kroney to sort it out for me.
Thx.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 10:38, Reply)

Install mobile backup 2 app
backup contacts/sms etc, save to SD card (or Dropbox etc if your phone doesn't have SD), install app on new phone and restore
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:44, Reply)

I don't know what that means soz
This is fucking infuriating - I've followed the fucking instructions on what to do to the letter, but it ain't happening.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:48, Reply)

What sort are your old and new phones?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:56, Reply)

old - htc one; new - sony xperia

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:59, Reply)

both android so
save everything to SD card in old one then transfer to new one worked for me.
the mobile backup ii app just helps by backing up all contacts (and sms, calendar etc if you want) to the sd card then you install the same app on the new phone and restore everything from the backup.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:17, Reply)

It's too late for that, I think
I followed the directions that came with the phone and now I can't use either.
/nakers :(
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:38, Reply)

Have you tried connecting them with a 30m cable?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:47, Reply)

I've tried connecting via a pc

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:51, Reply)

Morning Sporters
Was that your manly physique plastered all over FB yesterday? I believe that there was a mass aquaplaning across the country.

Weekend was pretty good. Lots of dull gardening/allotmenting jobs to be done. Going off on hols next week so needed everything sorted out for handing over to friends/neighbours to look after.

Got some great news last night - both sprogs have been selected to play for Scotland East & North at volleyball at the UK School Games in September. 2nd year in a row. I am immensely chuffed. Makes the hard work, early starts, high mileage etc all worth it.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:12, Reply)

Not sure what you mean
There was a picture of me running on Saturday
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:31, Reply)

he is implying that you are so fit that women everywhere creamed themselves
and men everywhere splatted in their pants.

so in other words, fister wants to fist you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:34, Reply)

Well that too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:54, Reply)

I thought it was pretty obvious. I was wrong.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:07, Reply)

I hope they are playing for the UK before 18/09/14.
After that, Jock schools will not be welcome in UK school comps.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:35, Reply)

chools school comps
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:38, Reply)

"After that, Jock s will not be welcome in UK"?
Who is this 'Jock s' character?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:10, Reply)

Only just - 4th-7th Sept.
Salmond won't get his way. We don't like his sort up here. He's a big fat, smug, racist, cunt. Oh, wait a minute... :'(
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:09, Reply)

Hahahaha.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:15, Reply)

an alcohol fuelled extravaganza.
Followed by a Sunday in bed wondering if it was all worth it.
Can see tonight being an early one too.
Hashtag old.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:17, Reply)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:21, Reply)

so this is a thing
ladydinahs.com/

(it's about animals, not porn)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:23, Reply)

What were you searching for when you found that?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:29, Reply)

Ladies 'dining at the Y'

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:30, Reply)

my colleague is going with her sister

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:33, Reply)

Kinky!

( Muns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:42, Reply)

The cats in the header are the same as my cat.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:36, Reply)

yours is prettier

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:37, Reply)

265/4.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:44, Reply)

66.25

( Muns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:44, Reply)

22/7.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:45, Reply)

( Muns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:47, Reply)

Bravo.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:49, Reply)

Quite relaxed weekend.
Couple of beers Friday and Saturday night but not getting hammered, Saturday day time tinkering with the car and touting a couple of scrap yards, then a lovely breakfast with friends by the river on Sunday, followed by a nap and movies. Just what I needed really.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:47, Reply)

How civilised.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:49, Reply)

I know.
I might get fucking annihilated mid week tl make up for it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:50, Reply)

Hahaha.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:53, Reply)

I had steak bbq'd on Saturday.
I finished the cooked left over yesterday. I have more steak for dinner tonight as I bought too much Saturday.

And I am going Argie Steak House at lunch.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:55, Reply)

What's the vegetarian option?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:56, Reply)

Pork or chicken or lamb. .
I have looked at the menu and there is nowt veggie except the wine.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:58, Reply)

I bet that has isinglass in it an' all

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 11:59, Reply)

NO LORD OF THE RINGS CHAT!

( Peej, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:00, Reply)

Tell a lie, there is cod or plaice.
And a couple of main course salads are seafood.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:00, Reply)

I don't eat fish.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:03, Reply)

two hundred and sixty eight for five yessssss

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:01, Reply)

Have you noticed that even no change on QOTW for two weeks
isn't enough to drive the posters over here?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:02, Reply)

I have noticed the people whinging the question hasn't changed are the same people usually saying that it's shit and 'they' should close it 4eva

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:03, Reply)

You would almost think that if people didn't like something, they would just fuck off somewhere else

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:13, Reply)

FINE BE LIKE THAT.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:14, Reply)

SOZ EVERYONE

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:15, Reply)

The rest of this site think that offtopic is shit and for cunts

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:04, Reply)

They're not wrong

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:04, Reply)

Not bad thanks, although my sunburn is really fucking painful.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:04, Reply)

Classic AA!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:08, Reply)

Thanks for voting for reply 2309081!

( Peej, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:14, Reply)

clickin dis

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:18, Reply)

Excellent weekend
A little tiling and building kitchen stuff on Saturday, followed by a great evening in Warwick at a free concert where much fizzy wine was drunk. A bit of sorting out my new place yesterday, mowed the lawn, had a few beers with mates in the afternoon and then dinner with the Doris.
Pretty damn lazy weekend, as they should be.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:14, Reply)

it was good yeah.
I'm off today, although my lie in was interrupted by some scaffolders chucking their shit about.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:17, Reply)

Alright aardvark arses?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:40, Reply)

alright #macro #water #nature #close_up #amazing #veins #green #veg #vegetables

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:42, Reply)

wtf are you chuntering on about?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:42, Reply)

nothing #macro #water #nature #close_up #amazing #veins #green #veg #vegetables

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:44, Reply)

Did you like my piccie? My twitter is linked with Instagram so you can follow my adventures in glorious technicolor

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:43, Reply)

Yes it was nice.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:44, Reply)

and this sounds like you need to make a bit more effort

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:45, Reply)

It was a close up of my 'broccoli'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:47, Reply)

You can get cream for that....

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:52, Reply)

It was quiet moist

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:53, Reply)

Nothing worse than loud broccoli.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:56, Reply)

yes there is
this conversation
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:56, Reply)

Tell me you don't want to see my moist broccoli

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:06, Reply)

It has some wonderful veining

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:07, Reply)

i.imgur.com/gXJHpUv.jpg
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:19, Reply)

this sounds like you are trying to cyber with him
:(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:44, Reply)

Quiet as per usual
I've bought a load of mince to make burgers again, since the last lot were pretty good. I'm going to freeze the ones I don't eat this time, burgers 3 days running was a bit much before.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:40, Reply)

What's that skippy? Tlic has a tingling in his arm and a shortness of breath?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:42, Reply)

this sounds like you are trying to cyber with him
:(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:43, Reply)

That's normal

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:00, Reply)

I've got a massive slab of pork belly to get through this week. Should probably freeze some of it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:43, Reply)

I'm sure a lonely man like yourself can find a use for it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:44, Reply)

of pork to get through this week. Should probably freeze some of it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:44, Reply)

Pot. Kettle.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:47, Reply)

Bombay bad boy?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 12:50, Reply)

That sounds like Sporty has been naughty.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:05, Reply)

NOSIR

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:12, Reply)

I'm in kent :(
Everywhere has funny names
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:05, Reply)

They have fucking stupid accents too.

( Muns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:08, Reply)

Yep :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:09, Reply)

Don't worry.
It's not as stupid as Bristol or anything north-eastern.
( Muns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:11, Reply)

I like sounding like a cockney farmer

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:15, Reply)

Will I understand them?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:11, Reply)

Yes, but you'll also want to punch them.

( Muns, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:11, Reply)

Where abouts? #homeland #manofkent #spitfires

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:08, Reply)

Orpington on route to sevenoaks

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:10, Reply)

I'm always entertained driving past Pity Me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:13, Reply)

North West Kent isn't particularly nice

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:13, Reply)

This forrin guy providing me with 'phone support' isn't very good.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:12, Reply)

Kroney gazzed you in the end?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:13, Reply)

Did he fuck.
30 minutes on the phone to some thick prick who doesn't speak.
Still not sorted.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:16, Reply)

How did you manage to get a job in IT?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:18, Reply)

I reckon I'm more qualified than this prick.
He's supposed to be transferring me to someone else who can help.
I've been on hold over three minutes now.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:19, Reply)

Yeah it's really complicated backing up a device on a memory card and shoving it in the new phone. I'd phone for advice too.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:20, Reply)

ZING

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:21, Reply)

I've just had four hours of hell dealing with development
AUTISTIC CUNTS
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jun 2014, 13:13, Reply)