A crisp sandwich cafe has opened in Belfast.
They are surely laughing in the face of the potato famine now!
What kind of niche cafe would you open?
alt. evening plans
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:08, 61 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

I'd open a café in an actual niche.
alt: run, cycle, pub ... the sensible triathlon
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:11, Reply)

A cat cafe has just opened in Newcastle.
Fucks sake.

I have no evening plans.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:11, Reply)

Im not sure how hygienic that is...
OR THE CAFE!!!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:21, Reply)

Worth visiting
Just to ask for a roast cat.
( Muns, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:03, Reply)

Pie shop
Meat and fruit* I think as a great comfort food it would be a big hit

*Not together
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:13, Reply)

since when have pies been a niche?
/wigan
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:14, Reply)

You just don't get it do you?
A niche market is the subset of the market on which a specific product is focused. The market niche defines the product features aimed at satisfying specific market needs, as well as the price range, production quality and the demographics that is intended to impact
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:22, Reply)

So comfort foods. that have a high quality and non of that smelly food malarky

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:24, Reply)

a simple "no I suppose I was being a bit silly" would have sufficed

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:33, Reply)

be easier for all concerned if he just made that his sig

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:35, Reply)

Your apology is accepted, don't do it again alright

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:36, Reply)

they already do bakers dear, sorry

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:21, Reply)

I'm sure you do the the butcher, the baker & the candlestick-maker

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:31, Reply)

if they're fit

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:32, Reply)

Why?
I mean their standards wouldn't be that high
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:33, Reply)

because fit men look good when you are doing sex

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:39, Reply)

A fart cafe where you can come and chose from a range of our original farts or make your own! £3.50 per air biscuit, group discounts priced on application.
Alt: making stock for my cafe by eating curried meats
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:13, Reply)

I'd open a Bacon and Cocktails café in Saudi Arabia.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:15, Reply)

a sausage sandwich café that also does bacon sandwiches
Alt: none
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:20, Reply)

I'd open your mum's niche and invite the Chelsea squad round for "tea"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:23, Reply)

that's very rude

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:24, Reply)

Yeah...Oxford united deserves a chance an' all

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:25, Reply)

Maybe, but she needs the money
bedroom tax has hit her benefits hard
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:25, Reply)

not a tax though is it.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:39, Reply)

that's very rude

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:24, Reply)

Don't sweat it these people can't afford emotions

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:26, Reply)

I know, I was saying it in a congratulatory manner.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:29, Reply)

You could do a special deal for the retired military
#ChelseaPensioners
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:37, Reply)

I'll give you a Chelsea grin if you mug off my Mam again....

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:38, Reply)

*not really, she's vile.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:38, Reply)

i'D OPEN A DUMPED CAFE AND YOU'D BE THERE ALL THE TIME CAUSE YOU KEEP GETTING DUMPED BY GAYS

(Mr Udagawa, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:33, Reply)

It's swipe and gregshat all over again

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:36, Reply)

You haven't thought this through mate, Jason would be your only customer as no one can bear more that a couple of hours with him and he's poor. It's a rubbish business model frankly.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:37, Reply)

Oh yeah and you had a stroke so you couldn't manage the day to day running of it and all your money goes on your carers so you couldn't employ anyone.
#jeremyironside
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:40, Reply)

AT LAST A SHITCOM WORTH WRITING

(Mr Udagawa, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:43, Reply)

EVERYDAY WED HAVE FAGGOT SURPRISE ON THE MENU TO CHEER JAS UP AND EATS QUITE ALOT AND I CANT SEE THIS BUSINESS FAILING

(Mr Udagawa, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:42, Reply)

If it's on the menu everyday, that's not much of a surprise, is it?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:04, Reply)

IM WORKING ON IT IVE HAD A STROKE YOU KNOW

(Mr Udagawa, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:07, Reply)

Whereas you break the mould by staying single.
and not by choice.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:37, Reply)

STOP RUBBING IT IN MATE

(Mr Udagawa, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:44, Reply)

I'd open a pleasant café for Sean Connery impersonators

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:47, Reply)

no you wouldn't
You'd totally open a vegan yurt café
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:51, Reply)

one where all the food was as over processed as possible
stuff like Findus Crispy Pancakes, Angel Delight, Smash and Super Noodles. Come to think of it I am not sure if any of this shit still exists apart from Super Noodles.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 18:47, Reply)

Angel delight definitely does

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:03, Reply)

I don't think it would be any good
but people seem to go for this novelty guff.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:06, Reply)

So does Smash

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:09, Reply)

^eats it with a fork^

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:45, Reply)

Probably all available in Iceland.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:05, Reply)

I would definitely open a cafe and it's niche would be selling edible, wholesome pork sausages.
As opposed to the shit that 99.9999999999% of establishments serve.


FFnar fnar pork sausage and derivations thereof.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:11, Reply)

I think something radical like a purely take-away type place...
...where you could buy fried food - like chips - and maybe fish in batter as well. Thinking about it, pies and stuff would be good on the menu, too.
I doubt if it'd catch on, though - too 'out there' for most tastes. Ah well.
Alt: I shall be using my new tool to round off the flatted tops on the frets of my Craviola.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:15, Reply)

*cranium

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:17, Reply)

What are you blethering on about?

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:42, Reply)

captain geordiejay loves latin/greek bone terms

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 20:24, Reply)

get fucked

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:19, Reply)

Are all child botherers this angry?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:31, Reply)

Bored with the bender in a bun cafe thread.
Might cook dinner.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 19:43, Reply)

I had chicken breast stuffed with cheese and broccoli and wrapped in pancetta
BEAT THAT.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 21:21, Reply)

white bread cafe
that's all it sells
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 20:13, Reply)

this sounds racist too

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 12 Jan 2015, 20:18, Reply)

Swedish style
Bjorn & Bread
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Tue 13 Jan 2015, 20:21, Reply)

Mycoprotein Meat Substitute Steakhouse
call it the Mush Room
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Tue 13 Jan 2015, 20:20, Reply)