Kirk squirmed uncomfortably in his seat.
"Goddammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a psychic, just tell me what the problem is".
"Well, Doctor its kind. Of. Embarrassing", Kirk stuttered in his usual overly-dramatic way.
"Just tell me man, I'm your doctor."
Kirk sweated profusely, eyes darting around the medbay. "It happened when we. Met. That. Thing. On Magalfa 9."
McCoy pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd warned his captain untold times about putting his cock in green-skinned alien bints, but Kirk was wont to listen. "What have you picked up this time?" he droned. "Drop your pants and let me look."
"It's not the. Woman. That's the problem," Kirk enunced, as he unbuttoned his fly. "But after. Our. particularlyamourouspassion I. ReachedOut. Forsomethingto. Wipe myself clean. And now it's. Stuck."
McCoy had turned his back to pull on some medical gloves, fearful of catching another virulent rash from the captain's log. As he turned around to face the patient, his eyebrows soared so high up his forehead that even a Vulcan would be impressed. "Good God Jim, is that a merkin? Your whole damn area is covered in fur!"
"That's. Not fur, Doc. I'm telling you, that's how I got. Into. Tribble."
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 16 Sep 2015, 7:39, 17 replies)

*golf claps*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 16 Sep 2015, 7:47, closed)

Why must you poison QOTW with your lies?!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 16 Sep 2015, 9:43, closed)

It can't be a lie if it happened in the FUTURE

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 7:35, closed)

A small amount of grudging recognition for your accurate Shatner punctuation.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 16 Sep 2015, 9:50, closed)

Yes, I liked that.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Wed 16 Sep 2015, 10:31, closed)

Magnificent.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 16 Sep 2015, 9:54, closed)

i'm not really into star wars

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 16 Sep 2015, 12:41, closed)

Hooray!

( broadsword w⚓, Wed 16 Sep 2015, 19:48, closed)

I hope you die in a fire Skagra

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 17 Sep 2015, 18:26, closed)

Incorrect usage of "wont"
2/10. Must try harder.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 12:00, closed)

Beat me to it.

( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:00, closed)

was won't

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:44, closed)

Eh?
Surely it ought to be "... wasn't wont..."?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 13:29, closed)

Kirk wasn't won't to listened.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 14:30, closed)

That makes no sense.
He wasn't wont to listen. Is "won't" even a valid contraction? According to the annoying speel corriction on my Blackburry it is, but fuck knows what of...
Edit: Oh, of course, "will not" though quite how it's a contraction I'm not sure.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:31, closed)

WTFAYBOA

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 11:21, closed)