b3ta.com talk

Home » Talk » Archive 13981 (Older | Newer)

Hi forum friends.
How are the lunches? And the guffs? And all those fucking /talk throwbacks that have reappeared...Who Do They Think They Are?

Some kind of reboot of Take That?

Cunts
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:09, archived)

t'aint fuckin' lunchtime yet

(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:09, archived)

^tggi
any prick that thinks its ok to stuff his face at this hour is a cunt hobbit
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:10, archived)

it's not even the same hour where you are, is it?

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:15, archived)

no
and still, you'd be considered some sort of twat for guzzling down your main meal at this hour. Like some sort of cunt hobbit.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:22, archived)

God al-fucking-mighty

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:10, archived)

i think it's time to take the pills, ma8

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:15, archived)

I'll be dead by lunchtime, m8

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:18, archived)

you still away?

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:21, archived)

Don't take the piss you failed /talk member
Please refer yourself to numero uno for recalibration
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:16, archived)

Oh no, I've failed :(

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:17, archived)

can you try just making the tiniest amount of sense please?
your posts read like you just flung a handful of those poetry magnets at a fridge door
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:19, archived)

What do you mean by this horrendous rebuff of words
I shall see you in my ring dear father with the snails and the glue handles that you required during the previous escapades to shag hill
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:24, archived)

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:27, archived)

SHITPOSTING
MODS!!!
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:28, archived)

nice of you to turn yourself in

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:31, archived)

Jesus christ you're a fucking prize bellend aren't you.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:20, archived)

it's weird
he seems to have the odd lucid day every now and then but most of the time it's just semi-coherent babble
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:21, archived)

I love you

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:24, archived)

Hey windy pig
YEAH I AM A TOTAL BELLEND
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:24, archived)

quiz, i got 4/7 this week
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-36426150

anyone doing anything decent on the weekend?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:31, archived)

3
the wankers
(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:33, archived)

what's with that weird way tories stand?
twitter.com/ncguk/status/738644392454524929
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:50, archived)

I think it's because a body language expert told them not to stand with their hands over their crotches etc.
and loads of other poses. The republican party nominees also stood like that.
(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:52, archived)

this is why i'm voting out

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:04, archived)

I'm voting in because the left wing bbc told me to

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:20, archived)

you both might as well not bother as you cancel each other out

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:22, archived)

you're right

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:24, archived)

Looks like he's focusing his chi,
prior to busting out a "hadouken".

In which case, I vote Mike for PM.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:59, archived)

no way, if you're voting for a pixelated mike, it needs to be haggar
boom
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:06, archived)

HADOUKEN!
9gag.com/gag/aKBP8z1/drunk-man-farts-into-own-hand
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:30, archived)

He's spreading his masculine scent in the hope of attracting a mate

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:52, archived)

I got 4, and I don't read bbc news, so I'm not subject to a lot of the trivia it decides is news

(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:35, archived)

As for the weekend, I have a rehearsal tonight, followed by a performance on Sunday in the Olympic park

(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:35, archived)

sounds pretty gay, what are you performing?

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:44, archived)

spider-man musical

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:45, archived)

Wolverine's Bezerker attack

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:45, archived)

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4uvv4CPCT1qfqcmfo1_500.gif
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:47, archived)

A Lindy Hop dance and a Rock and Roll dance.

(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:48, archived)

^ President of a detectorists club

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:49, archived)

yeah, dancing is pretty gay

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:51, archived)

Totally gay
All dancing lead to so much bumming
(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:13, archived)

sounds fun, i am happy for you

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:14, archived)

So much so, I'm marrying my dance partner

(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:14, archived)

can i come to the wedding?

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:17, archived)

i refuse to attend a same sex marriage

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:21, archived)

I didn't realise it's a same sex marriage, because my fiancee doesn't have a penis

(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:24, archived)

he's the catcher then?

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:25, archived)

Well, she catches in her vagina, so I guess so

(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:27, archived)

Post op? Fair play to him.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:28, archived)

I believe the term is 'nullo'.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:29, archived)

haha, impressive. your one was even stupider than our efforts

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:56, archived)

Larping, fancy dress and dance classes.
He's a catch.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:15, archived)

It's all about the confidence

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:17, archived)

I'm pretty confident those things are bent.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:19, archived)

I've never larped

(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:25, archived)

Well, 2 out of 3. Still pretty bent.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:27, archived)

Oh totally

(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:28, archived)

minor heart surgery

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:49, archived)

is the bbc too left wing or too right wing for you?

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:43, archived)

It's too irrelevant
I read the Guardian, which puts me firmly in the left though
(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:47, archived)

Part of the 4 / 7 club
WOOP
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:36, archived)

Oh, and this weekend I will be mostly drinking and #420blazingit
Possible barbecue tomorrow so I can give my homemade kebabs a go as well
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:06, archived)

cool, can i come?

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:09, archived)

Only if you can solve a series of ever more challenging clues that will eventually lead you to where the barbecue is located

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:20, archived)

ok

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:22, archived)

what's the first clue?

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:24, archived)

I am of charcoal but I'm not a briquette

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:25, archived)

www.ejalucesc.com/wp-content/uploads/201412.gif
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:29, archived)

lol

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:51, archived)

Dunno, I'm bored of this already

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:51, archived)

normally the back garden isn't it, or maybe its on a terrace, the plot thickens

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:27, archived)

True, it is in a garden
but you can't exactly systematically check every single garden in the UK, the barbecue's tomorrow afternoon
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:50, archived)

3/7
got some voice work to record this weekend, nice little earner, not sure what to spend it on
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:37, archived)

A "lagers of the world" box set.
They do some incredible varieties of sugar water, these days.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:49, archived)

now now, let's not continue the bullying outside that thread
in case richard blows his lager top.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:53, archived)

4/7 crew, represent

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:48, archived)

mandems 4/7

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:21, archived)

*complicated handshake*

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:30, archived)

5 for me, dunno about the weekend, probably spend it in the juicer

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:49, archived)

solid plan

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:54, archived)

warm it up and crumble it, same as always

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:01, archived)

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:13, archived)

is this the new "hahaha"?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:24, archived)

Yeah, lol, hahaha

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:28, archived)

i'm currently enjoying some cheese skunk, in what i would consider the perfect weed grinder i've ever seen or used

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:17, archived)

what sort?
Haven't used a grinder for ages, got used to crumbling with my fingers back in the soap bar days and never saw the need to buy one
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:22, archived)

same, and the ones i used seemed to be rubbish so i stuck to using my fingers, then my mate gave me one of these and its cool
www.kushtybuds.co.uk/products/raw-rolling-papers-super-shredder-2-part-grinder-aircraft-grade-aluminium
(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:25, archived)

we got a vape pen thing since the missus is supposed to quit smoking
it feels so weird compared to spliffs. feels like my face is getting high without the rest of me
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:25, archived)

i enjoy rolling joints, its part of the fun

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:30, archived)

oh lets not forget the kent quiz, my quizzie rascals
help if i posted the link

www.kentonline.co.uk/kent/news/the-friday-news-quiz-96812/
(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:37, archived)

4/10 for me

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:45, archived)

aw man, only 4 this week

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:47, archived)

3/10
:)
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 11:08, archived)

2/7
No real weekend plans, going out in a boat on Sunday for ladypigs birthday part 2. Might get lashed up this evening.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:11, archived)

part 2? who is she, the queen?
wait, are you prince philip?
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:12, archived)

Yes to both.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:13, archived)

cool, say something racist

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:17, archived)

Bloody wogs

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:19, archived)

he only died recently

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:21, archived)

haha, nice one phil

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 10:25, archived)

morning

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 6:57, archived)

Myoinig

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:12, archived)

alroyght mupps

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:18, archived)

Shiggidy shiggidy shwaa

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:25, archived)

just having a dump as i write this
hth
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:29, archived)

alright the Dumpstone

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:32, archived)

in the office now
hth
(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:11, archived)

Urgh

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:37, archived)

alright Frankenpig

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:41, archived)

Nice chenin blanc. Bottle 4 might have been a bit off I reckon.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:43, archived)

Wine is a shit drink for gays and blobbing birds

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:48, archived)

No it's not, you spastic.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:49, archived)

It totally is, I give it another 6 months before this fad of making booze from grapes passes
And we go back to proper traditional drinks like WKD and Jager bombs
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:53, archived)

Oh, hahahaha

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:03, archived)

White wine is.
Men should only drink red.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:02, archived)

^also a fucking spastic

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:03, archived)

This I can agree with
Not a wine fan, but I can stomach a glass of white. Red wine is strictly for cooking in my house
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:17, archived)

A white burgundy can be quite pleasant but, having drunk a lot of white wine at various points, I eventually came to the conclusion that I don't really like it.
If I ever find myself in the mood for a glad of wine, it's invariably a red that I fancy - rarely want an entire bottle, though, do is sit around for a while, then get used up in cooking.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:20, archived)

^ probably drinks spritzers

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:18, archived)

^Probably drinks lager top

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:19, archived)

^ drinks lager

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:21, archived)

^likes a nice glass of muddy brown water
I spent years running pubs and drinking a d lloking after "real beer". I came to the conclusion in the end that drinking beer is hard work and most of it sub par, you don't get a bad pint of lager unless someone has fucked up, and I've had loads of horrible beer that was perfectly kept.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:31, archived)

"you don't get a bad pint of lager"
Carling. Heineken. Fosters. Castlemaine. Tyskie. Zywiec. Warka. fucking Stella. Jesus wept, lager is fucking abysmal.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:35, archived)

fuck this shit i'm going to the spoons, you lot are teribble sponsers

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:37, archived)

I went into a pub in Luton, where the only tap was Fosters.
If I'd have had a drink problem, I'd have been instantly cured.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:40, archived)

i'd have just walked out

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:45, archived)

+ turned 360 and

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:48, archived)

I like Birra Morretti and Amstel when it comes to lager, they lie in the middle of the piss weak / tramp juice scale
The real question is - What's the consensus on wheat beer like Erdinger, Hoegaarden, Schneider Weiss, etc?
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:40, archived)

utter shit, and birra moretti can get bent

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:44, archived)

peroni or gtfo

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:46, archived)

i won't drink peroni due to the stupid glasses

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:58, archived)

Yeah, but I know fosters is bad, and so don't drink.
I can't conceivably try every fucking knob micro brew bullshit, and you don't get the same beers in every pub.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:14, archived)

rose is alright though yeah?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:48, archived)

Yeah I guess

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:49, archived)

Nothing says "it's fucking Friday" better than a pre-9am booze thread
well, apart from "it's fucking Friday," obviously
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:58, archived)

We could do "Coffee: ground vs instant" if you like?
I have a simmering resentment of my in-laws for choosing to drink instant when I keep plenty of real coffee in the house, along with multiple methods of preparation.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:05, archived)

We could, but it's well known that anyone who thinks instant coffee is nice is a fucking cretin
At least with booze there's a wide enough variety to have a discussion, even if it does come down to "x is shit, y is better, and anybody who likes z is a gay spastic"
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:34, archived)

Looks like the munch family will be camping in the rain.
Happy days.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:47, archived)

I read a reddit DIY about a bloke who converted his jeep into a campervan
Steps:
1) My friends fitted a roll cage
2) My dad fitted out the interior
3) I paid a company to swap the engine

LOOK AT ALL MY HARD WORK REDDIT!
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:54, archived)

The mistake you've made is to read reddit.
Put roof bars and three bike racks on the Tepee, yesterday - maybe should claim that as an epic feat of customisation?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 7:59, archived)

teenage owners of my model of BMW
put roofracks on as a fashion statement. What the fuck is wrong with kids today?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:24, archived)

Hahahaha!
Beemer owners are nobs, so you shouldn't be too surprised.

Uh, no offence.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:36, archived)

can't argue with that

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:39, archived)

can't beat the pitter patter of rain drops on canvas, even a light shower sounds biblical

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:26, archived)

My eldest is hoping we'll get a downpour,
my wife is wishing she'd suggested something other than camping.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:46, archived)

she can borrow my bivvy and bed if she wants, live like a princess

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:55, archived)

Your the man she deserves, mongy.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:02, archived)

at least you know he won't finger her inappropriately

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:06, archived)

On the other hand...

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:11, archived)

k reporting this to the mods

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:14, archived)

My last day in this job
I'm eating shreddies
(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:04, archived)

When do you start the new one?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:09, archived)

Monday
No break for me, I have a mortgage
(

SuperMatt, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:44, archived)

I've got a mortgage, and managed to have 2 weeks off between jobs.
Probably ought to sort your finances out a bit mate.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:34, archived)

hey there, sweet cheeks

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:47, archived)

alright sugarlips

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:49, archived)

morning grrrmachine
It's my 3rd wedding anniversary in 2 weeks. I think 3 years is leather, any ideas for presents?
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:49, archived)

leather-bound bible

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:51, archived)

She is a Sikh
She would hit me with it
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:57, archived)

leather-bound copy of The Seeker by The Who

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:59, archived)

she can singh along to it

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:18, archived)

a really big leather-bound bible then

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:20, archived)

watch strap

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:57, archived)

She wears a Cartier Ronde Solo, think a white leather strap might look nice on it but dunno

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:01, archived)

yeah, with maybe light blue stitching to match the crown, be nice for holidays and the summer

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:03, archived)

thanks mongy, that's a great idea!

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:05, archived)

quality products
toshi-straps.co.uk/product/white/
(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:19, archived)

corset to hold in her collapsed gunt now that she's spawned?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 8:57, archived)

She's looking pretty good right now, she spends hours at the gym to get away from the baby

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:03, archived)

who looks after the kid then?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:13, archived)

bears

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:20, archived)

chaps

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:06, archived)

Nothing
Wedding anniversary presents are a pointless waste of money
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:16, archived)

guff in a box?

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:18, archived)

Don't be silly
Guff in a box is 5 years
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:20, archived)

i think your wife got you a divorce for your anniversary this year

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:21, archived)

The gift that keeps on giving

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:22, archived)

morning
don't much like the look of this thread though. there's a lot of bitching and moaning
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:21, archived)

ban everyone

(

$$ ✅, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:22, archived)

its the only way we will learn

(

mongychops, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:28, archived)

I agree
Fuck this, I'm getting out of bed
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 9:23, archived)

Goodnight

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 23:18, archived)

None of your business

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 23:29, archived)

t'is morning and I've drunk some czech beer
therefore: morninh
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 3 Jun 2016, 3:15, archived)

Eveninh

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:23, archived)

shoe horns

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:26, archived)

Just going to shoehorn how good my shoes are in here.
i.imgur.com/d9yIfMj.jpg
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:32, archived)

got bored and decided to take a biro to them, eh

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:35, archived)

Ever written on the bottom of a slipper with a biro?

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:38, archived)

is this yet more gay slang?

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:42, archived)

Someone once wrote "prick" on a banana, then threw it at me from a distance
Technically workplace bullying I suppose, but I took it all in my stride. I'm a good sport at the end of the day.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:46, archived)

^ works at monkeyworld

(

vladimir, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:53, archived)

or is an african-african footballer

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:56, archived)

A little from column A, a little from column B

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 23:08, archived)

^ first person in his town to wear shoes, press reports village idiot makes good

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:38, archived)

i need to buy some running shoes,
the kind lady in Office today said all their shoes are only meant to look like running shoes, and i should try JD Sports instead, but tbh i find it a bit intimidating so i didn't go in. The window has a giant picture of a manly man looking all serious and cross, like it's super important that he beats another team or something, it scares me a bit.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:55, archived)

They'll be super welcoming once you make it clear you're the first customer for five years who doesn't intend to grab a load of tracksuits and leg it down the road

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:56, archived)

yeah dunno,
might just find another shop tbh
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:58, archived)

I went to get some running shoes for the first time the other day
And got a load of questions about my pace, arch, and whether I underpronate or overpronate. Turns out I'm a flat footed hobbit whose feet tilt in like a spastic when I ~~run~~ waddle like a duck that needs a shit.

The shoes they sorted me with are pretty good though I guess. And the confused look the assistant had when I said I didn't know my pace because I haven't run since college was pretty funny
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 21:10, archived)

thanks for preparing me for that,
i've got time to think up a sufficiently stupid set of answers in advance, now.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 21:21, archived)

Try a running shoe shop
That's where I get my running shoes
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 21:50, archived)

pls give an example of a running shoe shop
i'm totally new to this, i don't know what to look for, i only ever bought shoes from shoe shops or clothes shops until now
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 21:58, archived)

A shop thats main thing is running shoes
They also sell other running stuff. I guess it's actually a running shop.
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 21:59, archived)

yeah i think i know where there is one actually,
i did pass it the other day, there used to be a different one the bus used to go past but it shut.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:01, archived)

Its the cardiff one of these,
Looks like they have one in Edinburgh, they ask you what sort of running you do or are planning on doing, then if they need to they'll watch you do a run so they can work out your gait and stuff get you the right support in a running shoe
www.runandbecome.com/#
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:02, archived)

If im honest i got them to do that once
Now I buy the right shoe slightly cheaper online lol
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:02, archived)

ah cheers, i can get to that no problem,
dunno if i want them "watch me do a run" though, they'll probably laugh, my run is probably as ridiculous as everything else i do.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:08, archived)

Like they give a shit

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:08, archived)

i give a shit

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:19, archived)

About them giving a shit

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:26, archived)

i give a shit about people looking at me,
i'm terribly self-conscious
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:26, archived)

Jjb sports then

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:33, archived)

Maybe get a treadmill for inside your house too
People tend to be able to see people running outdoors
(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:34, archived)

yeah maybe i should just give up on the whole thing

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:38, archived)

Probably yeh

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:42, archived)

or a wheel

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:38, archived)

i thought they shut down?
i'd feel too self-conscious even just going into one of them
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:35, archived)

That was a Kung Fu kick to Kane's face

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:26, archived)

Bit rough for a friendly really

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:31, archived)

wcwbubg

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:26, archived)

alright SSG
my neighbour has just given me a bottle of Grey Goose Vodka - I am off work - what shall I consume it with?

You cannot say razorblades.
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:40, archived)

2L of cranberry juice

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:41, archived)

chambord, pineapple juice

(numero uno, spanishfly's mate, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:50, archived)

gasalthe juice

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:55, archived)

whats that? Never heard of it..

(numero uno, spanishfly's mate, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:58, archived)

A shot glass and a crushing sense of despair
Or get cultural - exactly the same but with cabbage; a traditional Polish supper according to Grrrmachine
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 21:15, archived)

A crushing sense of cabbage

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 21:26, archived)

#Infest

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 22:35, archived)

here we go again

(

The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 21:22, archived)

Here we go here we go here we goooooo again

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 21:53, archived)

I'm a hip hop potamus!
What are you?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 17:11, archived)

Slightly too warm and irritable
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 17:18, archived)

Take your scarf off.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 17:25, archived)

I'm a rhymenocerous

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 17:29, archived)

Yes, you are

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 17:50, archived)

above this

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 17:38, archived)

Well, ok.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 17:38, archived)

Professor emiFLYtus

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 17:43, archived)

Ladypigs mum is here.
I think she's a lovely woman, but when the two of them get going in to a long chat I find it's the most irritating thing in the world. I can't put my finger on what it is, but it drives me mad.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 17:58, archived)

I empathise with this
My mother in law is nice enough, but she's dumber than a box of bricks. Sometimes I find it comical, other times it just annoys me. It's my problem more than hers.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:02, archived)

Yeah, she has this weird way of asking the most odd questions, and makes near constant "hmm" and "yeah" and "ahh" noises.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:07, archived)

Cor!

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:17, archived)

My old dear has picked up a habit of stopping my dad from talking to add even more superfluous points to their stories about nothing.
They're old. They either stay in our go to holidays to the exact same quiet places where nothing happens.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:47, archived)

Vocal pitch?
My wife and MiL sound like professional Blackboard Nail Scratchers when they have a chinwag.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:31, archived)

I think it might be this as well

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:20, archived)

Im a Gir-riff

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:00, archived)

I thought about say this
but decided it was shit
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:21, archived)

you're a jelausaurus rex!
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:55, archived)

^diplodoofus

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:40, archived)

dunno

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:04, archived)

I can't find any rap lyrich about fishing. Got this though.
Ball so hard, got a broke clock
Rollies that don't tick-tock
Audemars that's losing time, hidden behind all these big rocks
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:13, archived)

Niggas in Paris, and his rollies would tick tock if he used a watch winder, and a hand wound ap wouldn't lose time due to rocks, he's just not correctly winding it, sort it out Jay

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:26, archived)

It sickens me the way these cunts treat their watches : (

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:00, archived)

It's a tragedy mate.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:27, archived)

I hate to see quality engineering ruined in such a way, if they looked after them they could pass them down to their grandchildren, but no, my granddad would be spinning in his grave

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:34, archived)

Au-ROCKS or something
because I'm golden
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:28, archived)

Iron hoe would be your rap name would be, you iron pyrite messer

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:20, archived)

you calling me iron, don't diss me mate
you can't even match my atomic weight
I'm a fucking metal, you're nought but a gas
like the stink that's belchin' out of your ass
you're crass, you're flow lacks mass,
your spittin means nuffin, you're just a wind bag
I might be rusty but you're nuffin but slag
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:33, archived)

atomic wait? Don't make me laugh I'm first on the table a noble gas.. can't be bothered grrr, footy now

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:39, archived)

Slightly drunk.

(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 2 Jun 2016, 18:54, archived)

wotcha stuj

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:19, archived)

alright The LOVELY Grrry.
I've been in the pub since half five waiting on a mate who said 'I'll be there by six.' Just got a call from her asking where the fuck I am because 'I thought you were gonna come round to mine first' Dozy bint. I ain't moving from here now.
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:01, archived)

A Kvlt tlefish

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:13, archived)

This is terrible, and I love it.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:28, archived)

I should've done a dirt in wetherspoons.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:31, archived)

A velociRAPtor.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 19:37, archived)

Excellent

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:26, archived)

I spin more rhymes than a lazy suzan and I'm innocent until my guilt is proven.
Rhyyymsayin?
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:18, archived)

10/10

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 20:26, archived)

Afternoon thread right here...
What's the last thing you had in your mouth?

You can't say Hitler.
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:08, archived)

My vape I guess?

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:11, archived)

why can't people just smoke cigars and cigarettes, maybe the odd pipe?!

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:19, archived)

Can't sit at my desk and smoke one of those
Besides, been over a year since I had a cig, so why go back to them?
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:22, archived)

because they're cool
duh
(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:44, archived)

See, the thing is, I'm starting to realize more and more that the notion of "cool" is entirely subjective
It isn't as clear cut as something like "23" being the number twenty three, and in fact may be more similar to the way different groups of people have affinities for different pastimes, genres of music, and other types of consumable media.

I might be on to something here, MONO! I reckon I should write this up and get it published, the masses need to know!
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:12, archived)

If I were you I'd keep that kind of nonce-sense to myself and go buy a pack of B&H

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:15, archived)

Na m6 B+H are well tosh yeah?

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:22, archived)

is that some kind of chemical equation?

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:26, archived)

words

(

vladimir, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:17, archived)

word up

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:18, archived)

alright MONO!

(

vladimir, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:20, archived)

alright vladimir

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:21, archived)

yeah OK I guess
have to go and floss now, I said tricycle and kilimanjaro recently and they really get stuck in your teeth don't they
(

vladimir, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:26, archived)

yeah
lol
(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:44, archived)

chicken, sweet potato and lettuce
LITERALLY RIGHT NOW!
(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:18, archived)

*subscribes to Twitch channel*

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:23, archived)

I have a twitch channel?!

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:45, archived)

Now you do!
Unless I just wanked off to some other person eating chicken, sweet potato, and lettuce, but the chances of that are miniscule :D
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:06, archived)

like my penis! :D

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:08, archived)

officelol
Thanks for that
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:13, archived)

LOLLERCOPTER!

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:14, archived)

Pall Mall red.
I miss smoking Embassy No.1 :(
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:24, archived)

have you tried smoking embassy no1's to see if that would help

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:42, archived)

^ prime example of why you should always gaz mongy about this sort of thing

(

vladimir, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:44, archived)

i've took on an apprentice now too, so even after i retire the help this forum need will still be in place

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:51, archived)

good man

(

vladimir, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:52, archived)

i'm good for another 20 years or so vlad, but i won't be around forever, unlike the forum

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:01, archived)

The oracle, right here
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:58, archived)

Can't afford them anymore, sadtimes.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:10, archived)

Coffee. It was OK.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:36, archived)

what kind?!
Details man, details!
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:59, archived)

I dunno, it's a tin of some instant shit in the workshop.
Hot water. Bit of milk.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:03, archived)

does milk give the shit a better consistency?

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:09, archived)

I was using shit as an adjective to describe the quality of the coffee.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:23, archived)

haha yeah

(

MONO!, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:26, archived)

morrison's lemon mousse
and a spoon
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 15:42, archived)

A song of true love

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:16, archived)

Tea.
I mean an actual cup of tea, not part of myself, oh ahahaha you guys are crazy !!!!
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 16:39, archived)

I'm already doing the work of 1.7 people, and now my colleague's quitting and they want me to pick up his workload
What do you have too much of?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:22, archived)

your love

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:23, archived)

how deep was it?

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:40, archived)

He wouldn't show me
:(
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:53, archived)

what a prick

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:23, archived)

inorite?

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:26, archived)

shallow
s1.b3ta.com/host/creative/23553/1253915456/deep.JPG
(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:21, archived)

meanwhile, in bosham
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:29, archived)

its not lying

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:31, archived)

they're an honest people, the boshamites

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:37, archived)

Your shit.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:26, archived)

how deep was it?

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:40, archived)

It's your own fault for agreeing to double anal in the first place
You wouldn't be doing so much if you didn't squeeze so many cocks inside
(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:27, archived)

1.7 penises* isn't really double anal, is it
*penii?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:30, archived)

Depends how big the penii are

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:33, archived)

Are we talking two peni slightly smaller than average,
or one penis 1.7 times normal size?
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:38, archived)

Could be any combination of numbers and sizes

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:51, archived)

Or it could be that 3 out 20 times, you're not doing double anal.

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:59, archived)

Sounds like a cop-out if you ask me.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:24, archived)

p ck
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:37, archived)

Top strikethroughing

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:38, archived)

As you can see, the standard of humour here has moved on in leaps and bounds since you've been away.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:25, archived)

I expected nothing else.

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 13:07, archived)

i.imgur.com/XXaPms8.jpg
(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:29, archived)

i.imgur.com/HcbyDqW.jpg
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:40, archived)

i.imgur.com/cVQUz.jpg
(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:42, archived)

Children.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:30, archived)

I can help.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:37, archived)

^reverse johnny catfish

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:48, archived)

alway's in are hart's

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:25, archived)

Fucking vending machine pricks putting golden wonder cheese and onion crisps in the machine.
Walkers or gtfo.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:53, archived)

Just who do those jumped up little shites think they are?

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:54, archived)

Inorite!!

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:56, archived)

Whoa, that's a bit uncalled for MMPS
Walkers aren't much better, they both fall into the "50%+ air in the bag" variety of crisp
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:55, archived)

They taste right though.
Golden wonder taste of wrong.
111% trufax.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:57, archived)

I guess, it's been a while since I've had either tbh
#Seabrooksmasterrace
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:01, archived)

Hipster.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:03, archived)

Hipsters don't buy crisps unless they're at least £3 a pack from a "crisp cafe"
by comparison Seabrooks are povvo crisps
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:11, archived)

Seabrooks are fucking great. Roast ox FTW.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:25, archived)

^ this guy gets it
They used to do loads of odd flavours, I seem to recall sweetcorn flavour ones that were actually really nice despite how they sound. Can't find them anymore though :(
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:31, archived)

Never had those. I liked salt and pepper and the garlic and herb ones, even if the latter did make you smell like a French farmer's armpit.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:38, archived)

AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT FRENCH FARMERS ARE RENOWNED FOR THEIR ARMPIT ODOUR

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:55, archived)

Hipster as fuck.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:04, archived)

You are Gary Lineker AICMFP

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:11, archived)

I'm hoping sporting events this summer will make him cry.
That sour faced prick Shearer too.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:13, archived)

I prefer golden wonder, crunchier

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:05, archived)

Flavour just isn't right.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:06, archived)

What's your opinion on Discos?

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:11, archived)

bit 70s

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:16, archived)

I wanted to set up my own disco, but it was too expensive
I couldn't afford the Earth, Wind and Fire insurance
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:22, archived)

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:25, archived)

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:29, archived)

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 13:23, archived)

Bit strong, not sure they're actually made using potatos either.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:02, archived)

I wish you could get big bags of cheese and onion like you can with doritos and fancy crisps.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:14, archived)

the shop downstairs now sells Salt and Vinegar Pringles
Poland is no longer a third world country
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:21, archived)

Wait a minute, hold the phone (or pigeon or whatever they use for long distance communication over there)
They have shops in Poland?
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:24, archived)

Mate, Warsaw's a capital city
it must have at least six shops, maybe more
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:38, archived)

i'd like a WIEŚMAC®
ffs WIEMAC®
(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:42, archived)

forget it i've gone off the idea now, stupid fucking forum

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:43, archived)

It basically means Village-Mac m8

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:52, archived)

One Mac for the whole village?
Those poor people
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 11:56, archived)

nice, the mcroyal podwojny pikantny looks alright as well

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:00, archived)

podwojny = double
pikantny = spicy
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:08, archived)

yes i could see from the picture, it has chillis , they should do a mcgolabki

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:15, archived)

They actually look quite nice, might have to try making some

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:26, archived)

woah, cabbage
triggerrrrrred
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:42, archived)

Urgh.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 12:38, archived)

Morning.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:07, archived)

Hihi Windle Piggle

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:12, archived)

Muppsy, you fine figure of a man

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:21, archived)

I am the Adonis of this board to be fair

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:44, archived)

~~nis~~ lf
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:57, archived)

Standard

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:13, archived)

do
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:00, archived)

f
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:02, archived)

l
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:19, archived)

poss A interest

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:24, archived)

what, like that shit band?

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:27, archived)

I heard they only did that so they'd be top left in HMV

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:46, archived)

bit short-sighted of them though as i imagine it made them more difficult to google

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:06, archived)

A hanger on from those heady days when we thought HMV would be around forever

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 10:23, archived)

morning Windy

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:21, archived)

I had frosties for breakfast. They're not so grrrrreat.
Cereal is still for children and benders.

You alright?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:22, archived)

Yeah, I'm cool
drove my Jag to work today with lovely cool aircon and my homebrew stereo blasting out Swedish prog rock. It's a better start to the day than cereal.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:27, archived)

I did a few tweaks on the bicycle the other day,
Tightened up spokes, realigned tires, sorted the brake calipers, new brake pads, new freewheel, oil and all that. Goes like stink now.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:37, archived)

How do you align the tyres on a bike?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:38, archived)

Well, bit of chalk on the brakes, see where they rub, adjust it so it's running true.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:39, archived)

yeah, but the actual adjustment
Do you twat it with a hammer or something? I thought the tyre bead located in a fixed place on the rim
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:41, archived)

Oh, I said tires, I mean wheels.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:44, archived)

I don't mind cereal, just none of that sugary guff
Porridge, bran, all that stuff that people say tastes like cardboard, I don't really mind though

#fuckinghellmuppsthathastobethedullestthinganyonehaseversaid
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:41, archived)

I used to eat muesli with yoghurt every day
so that I was stuffed from 7am to 4pm, and didn't need to stop for food during the working day like lesser mortals.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:44, archived)

I thought the traditional polish breakfast was cabbage and despair?

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:48, archived)

common mistake
that's supper
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 7:57, archived)

And what did the yoghurt eat?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:20, archived)

not much
it was diet yoghurt
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:41, archived)

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:49, archived)

No matter what I eat for breakfast,
I'm invariably ravenous by 10:30.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:41, archived)

have you tried concrete?
it's very filling
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:42, archived)

Morning

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:06, archived)

Alright horbs

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:13, archived)

2 days left in this job!

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:12, archived)

New job any good?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:14, archived)

I'm going to Sky.

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:27, archived)

Can you sort me a way to pay for what I want rather than a subscription that's nearly 100 quid a month.
I just want the formula 1.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:33, archived)

If I can figure something out, I'll let you know

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:59, archived)

that place has a high staff turnover
good luck
(

$$ ✅, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:39, archived)

Guess it all depends what department you're in though.

(

SuperMatt, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:04, archived)

Speed bonnie boat like a bird on the wing

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:44, archived)

^ SuperMexit

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:14, archived)

~~in this job~~ until /talk closes forever
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:15, archived)

Peace

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:18, archived)

Requiescat in pace

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:22, archived)

Definitely

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:28, archived)

lol
scat
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:33, archived)

Childish.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:40, archived)

~~Childish~~ skibby dibby dibby dub bee dop bop
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:41, archived)

you stupid giant hippy

(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:57, archived)

Someone needs to unwindulax

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:59, archived)

38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md11tz1nBO1qc67tzo2_250.gif
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:11, archived)

Not content with reimagining every movie from the last 80 years, Hollywood turned its hand to Goscinny and Uderzo

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:52, archived)

good morning

(

$$ ✅, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:30, archived)

Morning.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:40, archived)

Pull up a chair.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:40, archived)

I might stand

(

$$ ✅, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:40, archived)

It wasn't a question you fuckin slaaag, now sit

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:46, archived)

i won't stand for, not this time

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:36, archived)

so
jelly.b3ta.com/talk/7945241
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:40, archived)

Might have a lie down

(

mongychops, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:45, archived)

morning
Just to clear things up from last night, I drive a Peugeot, not a Citroen, and I drink Horlicks, not Ovaltine.

If you come and push me over, I'll probably apologise.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:47, archived)

nah, stand your ground and light him up

(

$$ ✅, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:50, archived)

Apologising is the decent, British thing to do.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:24, archived)

Hello mate.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:16, archived)

hey there windy pig
flying through the sky so fancy free
(

manolith hooray for me, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:57, archived)

^ the new strategy for combating ISIS ^

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 8:59, archived)

Hello

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:16, archived)

Alright.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:50, archived)

You broke my heart.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:51, archived)

The funny thing is you still want more.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:54, archived)

CHEEZYDIBBLES

(

PooPants, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 3:08, archived)

Sympathy reply.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 2 Jun 2016, 9:52, archived)

Eveninh

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:58, archived)

that's the stuff!

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:00, archived)

Kids today dont get comedy

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:25, archived)

brevening

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:05, archived)

What does that mean

(

Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:12, archived)

night time for britain and germany

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:13, archived)

dark web pthc

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:08, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7945183
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:13, archived)

Evening. Still got an hour to enjoy my candles

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:40, archived)

then what happens?

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:48, archived)

Everything goes back to depressing normality

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:58, archived)

^
I don't fear a spanner in the works. I fear nothing changing for the next 40 years. It literally terrifies me.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 23:47, archived)

Is it bad etiquette to give a mate slightly more booze and slightly less wiff if you know they're going to conk out soon?
I reckon not.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 23:33, archived)

just pushing that paedo down the board

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:45, archived)

Just pushing ALL those pricks down the board
I had my car cleaned at one of those car wash places where it's all done by Romanians for a fiver.

They did a good job.

What did you spend a fiver on today?
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:22, archived)

i've not spent any cash today.
maybe i should.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:28, archived)

"This government", right kids?

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:31, archived)

merry candles

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:34, archived)

all right, calm down

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:35, archived)

Your nan just got done by Romanians for a fiver.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 23:04, archived)

just pushing that prick down the board

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:07, archived)

the whole prick hucknall thing is a bit unnecessary metal mickey

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:11, archived)

prick fucknall

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:13, archived)

prick fuckballs

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:24, archived)

Priti Patel y/n?

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:39, archived)

blowjob boss? y/n

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:48, archived)

Alright, aye, but take the dental dam out of my glove compartment.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:53, archived)

kinky

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:54, archived)

y
priya rai y/n
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:30, archived)

I'd be interested to hear her views on Brexit

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:32, archived)

Dunno but I'd like to brenter her.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:41, archived)

wordplay lulz

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:59, archived)

right up her brexit!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 22:21, archived)

Y

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 21:41, archived)

Which one?

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:38, archived)

hiya handsome

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:51, archived)

Alright hats :)

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:51, archived)

I never liked Sinatra either
my grandfather once had a massive go at me because I dared to suggest that Frank had connections in the Mafia.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:47, archived)

Isn't that a bit like suggesting flour has a connection to bread?

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:49, archived)

tell that to my grandad

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:51, archived)

Should've asked him if he had any fats Domino like the cool grandads.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 20:52, archived)

Inclusive thread for everyone.
Free hugs for all.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:48, archived)

Hippie

(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:50, archived)

*bums*

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:52, archived)

*enjoys*

(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:53, archived)

Why isn't /talk like this, anymore?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:55, archived)

there's just as much bumming but it goes on behind closed doors/in tents/at train stations

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:03, archived)

Only if the bummer has 11p to pay a tramp

(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:37, archived)

~~ramp~~ itgroin
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:39, archived)

fankts a lot

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:44, archived)

It's full of gayers these days that take everything SO SERIOUSLY
despite saying it's all banter, m8
(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:04, archived)

oh so you've been spending time on /links as well as here then?

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:07, archived)

Christ, I forgot /links even existed!

(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:08, archived)

not sure

(

$$ ✅, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:56, archived)

does the hug have to be from you?
you look a bit... moist
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:00, archived)

Only for you, manolith.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:01, archived)

it's moustache wax

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:04, archived)

Back off m8.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:06, archived)

disgusting

(

mongychops, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:10, archived)

Sounds like a scam.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:10, archived)

Alright.
Went the pub. Can't be fucked now.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:19, archived)

Good man.
I'm serving the last few days of my notice period. Done naff all for most of it. Feels good man.
(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:20, archived)

Don't blame you.
My unwillingness to pretend I give a shit about work, corporate bollocks or pretending to like my colleagues is having a detrimental effect on my career.

My main concern is my skills are stagnating and my brain atrophying.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:23, archived)

Then get out of there and find something new
When I stop learning new things in the job I am in, I know it's time to move.
(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:35, archived)

But it's an easy gig and I'm very lazy.
It's a tough one.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:36, archived)

ok, but just hugs, right?

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:41, archived)

and a cheeky handy-j

(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:48, archived)

hey, what kind of girl do you think i am?

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:59, archived)

I'm hoping for the Thai kind

(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:05, archived)

Danish
sorry
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:06, archived)

^dirty old bollocks

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:06, archived)

well i'm not washing them

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:09, archived)

I saw a mouse.
A little mouse with clogs on.
(

fuscous, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:44, archived)

Send the furry bastard back to europe!

(

SuperMatt, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 15:48, archived)

well dibnah

(

$$ ✅, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:15, archived)

that's typical stupid leftwing thinking, like there's some kind of free hugs tree, what if everyone gave out free hugs eh, we just can't afford it, bit of a slap in the face for all the hard-working folk who have to earn their hugs

(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:22, archived)

You're not going to earn many hugs with an attitude like that m8.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:24, archived)

I don't need hughandouts, I have some self-respect, not like some, blather blather blurp blaaaarp

(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:26, archived)

you sound tense
*hugs*
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:34, archived)

*throws entire body into horrified rictus*
*possible cracked ribs*
(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:42, archived)

if it's the bottom one you might be able to nosh yourself off.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:43, archived)

thank you for reminding me of this
www.theguardian.com/media/2008/jul/23/mediamonkey
(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:58, archived)

I have written 350 restaurant reviews for The Times and i have never ended on an unstressed syllable. Fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck.
*happy sigh*
(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:59, archived)

That's a good refresher.
I really liked this one recently:
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/apr/03/tapas-37-restaurant-review-jay-rayner?CMP=fb_gu

If only for the line 'It was, I suppose, a deconstruction of a boeuf bourguignon. It was also the systematic dismantling of all my culinary hopes and dreams.'
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 17:06, archived)

tapas 37 should be a food-based sequel to farenheit 451

(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 17:26, archived)

In that it 37 degrees is the approximate temperature that enzymes break down food?

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 17:28, archived)

I haven't thought it through very far tbh

(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 17:30, archived)

Nor me I just wanted to look clever.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 17:32, archived)

^ omg story of my life!!

(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 17:37, archived)

in addition, that all looks quite yucky

(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 17:26, archived)

well that was just silly
now you're bitter and in pain
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:44, archived)

oh so true

(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:58, archived)

c'mere you
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:46, archived)

:D

(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:55, archived)

:-O
media.giphy.com/media/3o7ZeEZUzRjyvWuuIg/giphy.gif
(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:56, archived)

The God of glomps.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:58, archived)

somebody's pots and pans are going to be in a RIGHT mess

(

vladimir, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 17:00, archived)

Gormo's afternoon spotify pick: Dr John - In The Right Place

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 16:25, archived)

no 2 can thread
this thread is for everyone apart from 2 can
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:18, archived)

Put him on 2.0 for the threads duration.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:18, archived)

good idea

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:18, archived)

hello
I am NOT 2 can
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:56, archived)

how do we define the duration?
cos there are still tuesday threads on the board at the moment
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:22, archived)

but no one is still posting in them, are they?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:30, archived)

ahem...
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:45, archived)

not clicking that

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:51, archived)

very sensible
I wouldn't either
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:52, archived)

Until it's archived or destroyed.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:50, archived)

the thread or 2 can?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:51, archived)

The whole site.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:59, archived)

k, I can't wait that long so I've taken him off again

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:18, archived)

Take off and nuke it from orbit.
Only way to be sure.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:26, archived)

Threadrush!

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:24, archived)

it's all very exciting isn't it

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:26, archived)

Tell you what,
this fast paced message board is putting the likes of reddit to shame.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:30, archived)

redwhatnow?
is that a new board on here?
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:31, archived)

he means /readit, the board dedicated to books and book discussion
It doesn't move as fast as this place, mainly because all it's users are reading
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:44, archived)

It's like /links
but with more/less pedos, depending on the thread.
(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:54, archived)

Awww man I hate it when you guys fight, might have to go have a cry

(

mongychops, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:24, archived)

this used to be a fluffy friendly safe space where people could talk about their feelings and experiences and food

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:27, archived)

then you bullied them all off the board.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:28, archived)

~~bullied them all off the board~~ ate it all
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:29, archived)

And then shambles left and the last of the blobbing birds were gone

(

mongychops, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:34, archived)

Jews
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3619324/Plan-six-mile-Jewish-home-area-north-London-let-faithful-avoid-Sabbath-restrictions-raises-fears-creating-new-ghetto.html
(

mongychops, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:43, archived)

Jewn

(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:50, archived)

SHARIA LAW AND NOW THIS

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:51, archived)

I didn't know they had such respect for fishing line, no wonder I never see any at the lakes

(

mongychops, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:53, archived)

good job otherwise they might start claiming your tackle as part of their homes

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:59, archived)

I really don't want a Jewish settlement popping up in my bivvy

(

mongychops, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:02, archived)

Seems like a rather convoluted way of saying "look, we know some of our parents are still super religious, but not getting out at the weekends is a real bore"

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:03, archived)

I if I was god I'd be a bit annoyed at this adhering to the law but not the spirit.
I'd tell them to get fucked.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:14, archived)

If I were god, and have manifested in corporeal form and dished out since serious smiting, by now.
I'd also run around with a bazooka, blowing people up at random with my unlimited ammo and giggling about "god mode". Then accidentally fall of the edge of something and die.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:34, archived)

I reckon I'd do what 'god' on the acid house did to Boab.
Because like god/boab I too am and despise people who are 'a lazy, apathetic slovenly cunt'.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:38, archived)

Shite in ma mooth, an'all that.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:42, archived)

Coco Bryce was the real hero.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:48, archived)

Is that the one where the baby gets a stiffy when he's being breastfed?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:55, archived)

Far be it from me to decry their ancient religious practices as silly,
but that's just really silly.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:31, archived)

RACIST

(

mongychops, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:40, archived)

Yeah, well, it's their own fault.
Then again, if they'd just withdraw from Palestine, but surreptitiously surround it with washing lines, I'm sure a lot of trouble could be avoided.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:45, archived)

^thread of the year candidate

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:23, archived)

th inb
a
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:26, archived)

I would make a nice sandwich filling

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:37, archived)

yet you wouldn't be able to eat yourself

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:47, archived)

Horace
Much to his dad a.nd mum's dismay
Horace ate himself one day
He didn't stop to say his grace
He just sat down and ate his face
"We can't have this!" his dad declared
"If that lad's ate he should be shared"
But even as he spoke they saw
Horace eating more and more:
First his legs and then his thighs,
His arms, his nose, his hair, his eyes
"Stop him someone!" Mother cried
"Those eyeballs would be better fried!"
But all too late for they were gone,
And he had started on his dong...
"Oh foolish child!" the father mourned
"You could have deep-fried those with prawns,
Some parsely and some tartar sauce..."
But H was on his second course;
His liver and his lights and lung,
His ears, his neck, his chin, his tongue
"To think I raised himn from the cot
And now he's gone to scoff the lot!"
His mother cried what shall we do?
What's left won't even make a stew..."
And as she wept her son was seen
To eat his head his heart his spleen
And there he lay, a boy no more
Just a stomach on the floor...
None the less since it was his
They ate it - and that's what haggis is.

This differs slightly from the version printed in Terry Jones' The Curse of the Vampire's Socks.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 14:51, archived)

Candle thread!
This thread is only for people with candles
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:03, archived)

^ lives in a hovel, only recently learnt about fire

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:09, archived)

YEAH

(

broadsword w⚓, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:12, archived)

manolith should have banned you

(

mongychops, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:15, archived)

manolith should have banned you

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:17, archived)

Typical elitist wanker.

(

mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:18, archived)

banolith should have manned you

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Jun 2016, 13:18, archived)

« Older messages | Newer messages »