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# A Cardboard Policeman could literally be the only thing standing between you and a weekend of domestic criminality

Hiya
(spellingmistakescostlives .com, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 13:44, archived)
# Considering your username
I will assume GORP is deliberate :-D
Excellent stuff BTW
(GforGermany looks like some sort of retaining plunger, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 13:50, archived)
# Gorping is another word for staring.
I just realised that "to gorp" isn't a grammatical term. But it is now.
(spellingmistakescostlives .com, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 13:56, archived)
# 'Gawp'
(pissflaps. FSPW, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 14:06, archived)
# Ah fuck, thanks
But I still prefer my spelling.

Jazz language.
(spellingmistakescostlives .com, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 14:12, archived)
# I agree with you, actually
Gawp is the usual spelling, but Gorp somehow gives a better impression of really gormless staring.
(I helped save b3ta! kingofpork is the king of pork, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 14:39, archived)
# I think "gorp" (verb and noun) is more of a Northern England spelling
So technically slang but for a puerile digital arts community I think it's an acceptable spelling.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 16:14, archived)
#
Full film.
(I helped save b3ta! Jabberwoc misses D.R. and Quinch, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 20:26, archived)
# I need a giant eagle one to scare the fuck out of my neighbours shitting cunting cats that are cunting shitting all over my front lawns :(
(I helped save b3ta! hekim 66 ɐʇƐ𐐒 ʞɔnℲ uooW, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 14:31, archived)
# don't buy a cat scarer from betterware
they don't fucking work, the cats just laugh at them.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 14:36, archived)
# I got a couple of Pestbye Ultra Sonic ones Bastards know the blind spots to get around 'em
I'm thinking I'll make a big bird of prey type thing with flappy wings
(I helped save b3ta! hekim 66 ɐʇƐ𐐒 ʞɔnℲ uooW, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 14:44, archived)
# buy an air horn
every time they squat, set it off. pavlovian treatment, innit?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 15:01, archived)
# Better than that I got a cat hating dog
but she'd eat the cat shit and probably the cats too
(I helped save b3ta! hekim 66 ɐʇƐ𐐒 ʞɔnℲ uooW, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 15:13, archived)
# i suppose that would be a bad thing
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 15:27, archived)
# Go to the zoo and get some lion shit for your lawn
That learns the cunting fuckers
(I helped save b3ta! Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 17:01, archived)
# Water bombs from first floor window
Launching water bombs made from freezer bags is effective. Also fun whilst not harming the cat.
(I helped save b3ta! Batter Pudding Hurler is a figment of your imagination, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 17:39, archived)
# I use a catapult and ice cubes.
(I helped save b3ta! Shlvng, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 18:51, archived)
# Pfffft
(guilty LOL)
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 18 Jul 2015, 19:03, archived)
# I own cats who shit on other people's lawns
I wish they wouldn't shit on other people's lawns
I hate people who are cruel to my cats and am very tempted to blockade their doors and set their houses on fire
Cats fucking hate water
While I'm not totally convinced by water bombs from the first floor, so long as it doesn't hit the cat on the back the cat is going to get drenched
The second or third time this happens, the cat will think "fuck this" and go and shit on someone *else's* lawn
Profit!

So basically, yeah, if someone drenches my cats to stop them shitting on their lawn I'm not going to be chuffed but if the cat is otherwise unhurt, all power to you. Cat shit is horrible stuff. No reason anyone other than me has to be clearing it off the lawn and out of the fucking flowerbeds. This means even more if you've got a sandpit for the kids, given the horrific stuff that lurks in cat shit.
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 22:19, archived)
# You got it Boris
No harm - aim to miss. The little sods started it by leaving their chemical warfare deposits. If you know your cat is shitting on a neighbour's lawn, I hope you offer to clean it up.
(I helped save b3ta! Batter Pudding Hurler is a figment of your imagination, Sun 19 Jul 2015, 11:54, archived)
# Shit on the cats
That'll teach them.
(I helped save b3ta! SiX and his hat, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 19:06, archived)
# Sound advice cheers all
A few more ideas I've been musing:

1 Asking neighbour to clear it up
2 Rubbing neighbours nose in it if he doesn't
3 Shopping pics of him committing all sorts of extreme heinous no good things sending it to his employer so he gets the sack so he can't afford the mortgage and has to move.
4 Taking the cats to an animal shelter claiming destitution and giving them up for rehoming

3 seems like the most fun atm 8D
(I helped save b3ta! hekim 66 ɐʇƐ𐐒 ʞɔnℲ uooW, Sun 19 Jul 2015, 16:06, archived)
# can also be used for hanging scarves on
making them more useful than the average police man
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 14:32, archived)
# Will it also ensure...
... that I denounce my neighbours to the state apparatus if they don't fit one of these?
(I helped save b3ta! RRNot is a miserable sinner, Sat 18 Jul 2015, 18:56, archived)