i had a cracking jokeworking, as i do, at radio 4, i approached the producer of "dead ringers" and said,
"i do impressions myself. actually, i do an impression of jim davidson."
She said, "really?"
i said, "well, i get drunk and beat up my girlfriend, who is indian, so it's more a pastiche..."
everyone i've told this to says it's offensive, except for mrs martian herself. go figure...
(,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:25,
archived)
"i do impressions myself. actually, i do an impression of jim davidson."
She said, "really?"
i said, "well, i get drunk and beat up my girlfriend, who is indian, so it's more a pastiche..."
everyone i've told this to says it's offensive, except for mrs martian herself. go figure...
I just made squeaking noises of laughterso I vote: funny. but pretty sick too.
(
Dr Phil Kitten,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:26,
archived)
the writers of the news quiz told me that people would misunderstandand think the joke was 'me beating up mrs martian' and not 'jim davidson beating up his wife and being racist'.
what do they know?
(,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:28,
archived)
what do they know?
darlingif the "average British public" listened to R4 you'd be getting paid more.
( Dr Phil Kitten,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:37,
archived)
truethe comissioning editor of r4 told me the other week that they don't particularly like what we do at 11pm, but they appreciate that we have to do it as a public-service broadcaster.
which i think is brilliant, when you consider what we put out at that time: i think we've got the coolest audience in the world - 50somethings who listen because it's in the public's interest...
(,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:42,
archived)
which i think is brilliant, when you consider what we put out at that time: i think we've got the coolest audience in the world - 50somethings who listen because it's in the public's interest...
Depends who you tell it to.If they laugh, I like them.
Possibly
(Possibly
verbal,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:27,
archived)
i told everyone stouffer's joke:"q. whaich is the most confused animal in the jungle?
a. the polar bear."
the only person not to laugh was mark steel, the humourless bastard.
(,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:29,
archived)
a. the polar bear."
the only person not to laugh was mark steel, the humourless bastard.
Also from the brain of Stouffer.He was arguing with an ex, when he came out with.
"Shut up, the most intelligent thing ever to come out of your mouth is my cock."
Genius.
("Shut up, the most intelligent thing ever to come out of your mouth is my cock."
Genius.
supermoore: HUNG,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:30,
archived)
i was a precocious little fucker when i was youngbut i'm still rpoud of the following exchange, which took place in my final year at comprehensive school (after i'd dropped a pen or something):
tracey: hahahahahaa
me: tracey, you're less intelligent thatn the make-up you're wearing, so shut the fuck up
tracey: i'm not wearing make-up!
me: that doesn't make me wrong.
(,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:34,
archived)
tracey: hahahahahaa
me: tracey, you're less intelligent thatn the make-up you're wearing, so shut the fuck up
tracey: i'm not wearing make-up!
me: that doesn't make me wrong.
that is the most offensive,and at the same time, the funniest, thing I have ever heard. JESUS CHRIST.
( Dr Phil Kitten,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:38,
archived)
pah!This Mark Steel fella is not worth so much as three of my English pounds.....
( verbal,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:32,
archived)
i'm eating lemon meringue piei know you're all jealous....i can feel it.
cwethan,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:24,
archived)
I'm amazingly jealous,I was throwing up all morning, I've actually only been able to eat anything since about 8pm, and even then nothing extravagent.
(,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:27,
archived)
ooohyeah, there is something going around my office that i'm trying hard as hell not to get.
i will though, you watch.
(i will though, you watch.
cwethan,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:29,
archived)
not for another 36* minutes...Oh no, wait, that's naked hour.....
*subject to change
(*subject to change
verbal,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:24,
archived)
Hey guys!Kittens are nice!
Hot baths are soothing!
Bacon sarnies taste good!
Sunny days are often warm!
...this isn't so bad, after all.
(Hot baths are soothing!
Bacon sarnies taste good!
Sunny days are often warm!
...this isn't so bad, after all.
Dr Phil Kitten,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:25,
archived)
oopsie daisydone.
Sorry, modskills slipped for a sec. there.
[edit] Ahem.
1. Kittens sometimes yowl in the night and wake your neighbours.
2. Kittens can sick up a surprisingly large amount.
3. Kittens often get burrs stuck in their fur.
(Sorry, modskills slipped for a sec. there.
[edit] Ahem.
1. Kittens sometimes yowl in the night and wake your neighbours.
2. Kittens can sick up a surprisingly large amount.
3. Kittens often get burrs stuck in their fur.
Dr Phil Kitten,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:31,
archived)
Kittens are fluffy.Unless they're those evil hairless things or have mange.
(,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:35,
archived)
it has been far too hot today.me and mrs martian walked round the park and i think i am sunburned.
(,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:30,
archived)
its still too fucking hot!laptops are hot on your knees too! :(
(
rogue Big knickers,
Fri 8 Aug 2003, 23:34,
archived)