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# The Lament of the Solitary Lumberjack
I'd like a special someone,
To help me fell my tree,
I fell my own a lot
But I feel sordid and dirty

The wood can be so lonely,
Since I sent my lover packing,
There's something unfulfilling,
About solo lumberjacking

The tree stands tall and proud,
But I lie lonesome in my room,
Remembering the glory,
Of that welcoming log flume

I weild my chopper frenziedly,
But she would always coax,
The tallest tree to topple,
With her gentle, caring strokes

I tell myself that now she's gone,
I'm really better off,
But still I think of her,
When I am lumberjacking off

She made my life a misery,
To God I send my thanks,
But I'd still love to feel her tits,
When I am having wanks
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 25 Feb 2002, 8:01, archived)
# Addendum
She sadly thinks about the time,
She had my mighty oak,
To keep her company at night,
And has a good old stroke

She remembers my towering elm,
So wide and tall and big,
And in her cold and lonely bed,
She has a good hard frig
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 25 Feb 2002, 8:16, archived)
# HA HA
You loon.
(Nacho, Mon 25 Feb 2002, 8:21, archived)
# Afterword
She roams the empty sawmill,
In a sea of old wood-chipping,
Thinking fondly of the quandaries,
Of swallowing or spitting

She sadly looks upon discarded,
Offcuts, chips and bits,
And wishes she could once more,
Rise my sap upon her tits
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 25 Feb 2002, 8:23, archived)
# are you going to record it
with a Sean Connery animation?
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 25 Feb 2002, 8:28, archived)
# .
Oh how she wants old crabby back
she wants to feel his chopper
'cause come to think she misses it
it really is a whopper!
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:00, archived)
# I'm never short of wood,
I seldom wield my chopper poorly,
Although I sometimes get too keen,
And fell trees prematurely
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:10, archived)
# Rhythm is important
when it's time to use your chopper,
for if you go too fast or slow,
you'll not be back for supper.
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:20, archived)
# I try to take my time,
When I get busy with my axe,
It's embarassing when my tree comes
crashing down with three whacks.
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:30, archived)
# No-one like a lumberjack
who's speedy with his axe,
for if it falls too quickily,
it really can be lax.
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:38, archived)
# Last time I had a partner,
Our tree-felling paths soon parted,
Because I found my tree was down,
Before she'd even started
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:38, archived)
# The one before that bidded me,
A very swift goodbye,
For as soon as she held my axe,
She got sap in her eye
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:41, archived)
# I'd really love to stop and talk
about more lumderjacking,
but time gets on,
I've got to go,
and do some baby whacking...
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:57, archived)
# I once knew such a pretty girl,
Her pretty name was Maude,
She winked at me and my tree fell,
All of its own accord.
(I helped save b3ta! crab_bloke), Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:57, archived)
# Ce Si n'est pas un genius....
Oh yes..
(I helped save b3ta! vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:58, archived)
# Caution when you're swimming
In lake or pond or brook
Even if it's redwood
Like a bonzai it will look
(I helped save b3ta! MartinH, Mon 25 Feb 2002, 9:43, archived)