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/unlurks

Greetings one and all.

Today is my 30th birthday.

I got an England shirt, a great shag, breakfast in bed and bucks fizz (not the band, sadly) in bed this morning.

I rocked into work about 10ish, was in the pub by 1 and have just returned.

Later, I will be drinking heavily.

To mark the occasion, I challenge you to give me your best. Be it woo yay or hoopla, make me laugh this afternoon, all the way till home time.

GO!

(Grey Triggerfish, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:41, archived)

You

forgot to re-lurk

(

wibblywobbly - helping ugly people get laid since 1982, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:44, archived)

I'm still here

Will /relurk later

(Grey Triggerfish, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:56, archived)

made this for my own 31st, but you can have it

(

Wasp Box like a nervous random stranger at a glory hole, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 16:00, archived)

Aces

/relurks

(Grey Triggerfish, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 16:16, archived)

30eh!! Your catching me up now....

sadly not funny, but she is cute.....

(Dangermouse., Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:44, archived)

I like the way she's preparing to 'guide me in'

(

Benny on the Loose; a permanent solution to a temporary problem, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:49, archived)

actually preparing to offer me some gentle hand action*

*may not be true, but I wish it was....

(Dangermouse., Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:53, archived)

Either way,

she's a saucy minx and I like it!

(Grey Triggerfish, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:57, archived)

*unzips flies*

*removes cock*

(see what I did there?)

*refluffs*

Happy birthday. But how about YOU make US something? Preferably with kittens, but I'd accept tapirs or monkeys, and elephant shrews would probably be top trumps.

(

TV's Nosemonkey, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:44, archived)

I have

i) no photoshop
ii) very limited hosting abilty
iii) i'm sloshed
iv) at best it would be a normal pic with an mspaint cock drawn on

so I thought best to leave it for now...

(Grey Triggerfish, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:59, archived)

nice lurkage

drink and shag until you have disgusting liquids coming from as many orifices as possible

(my knee hurts, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:45, archived)

HA HA

I made a mate snort lager out of his nose during the England France match. He was stoned and had the giggles. Long story, but he sprayed all over the pub, which was ace. Even better was later in the week I reminded him of this by e-mail, and made him snort tea out of his nose.

YAY!

(Grey Triggerfish, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 16:00, archived)

(don't tell him Pike!!, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:45, archived)

Happy birthday

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal. Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said, "honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you". "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."

(badger of doom http://www.trendingtracks.co.uk, Fri 18 Jun 2004, 15:48, archived)

ewwww!

(