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# I need this
www.plazarugs.com/rug-alarm/
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:08, archived)
# pffft!
you know you'd just swing your legs out of bed, stand on it, and go straight back to bed.

I was kinda hoping it would be an alarm to detect the presence of incoming rugs.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:09, archived)
# this is true
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:29, archived)
# I have the "good morning sir" alarm clock:
www.voco.uk.com/
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:10, archived)
# "GET OUT OF BED, MEATSACK. YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO COMPLY"
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:11, archived)
# There's an alarm clock somewhere on the internet
which has heatlamps and a tray inside.

Before bed, you stick two rashers of bacon inside and ten minutes before the alarm goes off it cooks the bacon, so you wake up to the smell of cooking bacon.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:13, archived)
# OR YOU COULD GO TO SLEEP WITH YOUR DICK IN IT.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:15, archived)
# IT'S A LAMP NOT A TOATSER.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:16, archived)
# IT IS A MULTI-FUCNTIONAL DIVEICE.
 
it will tell the time and set fire to your penis all at once.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:20, archived)
# DOCTER IT HURTS WHEN I PEE.
MAYBE YOU HAVE A SEXUALY TRANSMITTED DISEASE.

NO ITS BECAUSE I SET MY COCK ION FIRE.

OH OK CALL OPRAH.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:23, archived)
# WHILE EVERYONE SHOUTS DE-FROST! DE-FROST!
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:23, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:48, archived)
# but where do the fuckhoses go?
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:58, archived)
# Poundsand Industries hasn't purchased a license for Fuckhoses yet.
Although we do hope to offer them in the future. We're all very excited by them too.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 5:25, archived)
# you know, you could sell this on craigslist.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 5:23, archived)
# You could base a chain of shops on it.
Was my usual inversionesking again, "sell dick" --reversed --"sell no dick".

Dick'Away Parlors.

edit:
Which should only hire young girls with big tits,
who also could yell DE-FROST DE-FROST as they chop.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 5:33, archived)
# parlours, heathen.
and those do require fuckhoses.

*consults handbook*
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 5:46, archived)
# it smells great
tastes good, and its good for you
(I helped save b3ta! Foxglove -- it all ends in tears anyway..., Wed 19 Mar 2008, 4:21, archived)