God can save you from all your addictions. All you have to do is..do you know what? I'm tired of discussing this subject.I'll type this story out for lolz and enlightenment.
My ageing father was a Eucharistic Minister for the Catholic Church, taking Communion to the sick and or mental kiddies (and old fuckers).
I questioned his belief in the transubstantiation or Bread-to-Jesus miracle. He was convinced that it happened so I asked him if a mugger accosted him on his way to deliver the Christ into a dying mans face, would he defend the Actual-JesusTM in his pocket.
No, he said. I'm sure the priest wouldn't think it was worth my life to defend it, so I'd just hand it over.
'BUT HE FUCKING DIED FOR YOU!' I shouted.
I think he won though as he told me to fuck off to bed and stop drinking so much.
(My ageing father was a Eucharistic Minister for the Catholic Church, taking Communion to the sick and or mental kiddies (and old fuckers).
I questioned his belief in the transubstantiation or Bread-to-Jesus miracle. He was convinced that it happened so I asked him if a mugger accosted him on his way to deliver the Christ into a dying mans face, would he defend the Actual-JesusTM in his pocket.
No, he said. I'm sure the priest wouldn't think it was worth my life to defend it, so I'd just hand it over.
'BUT HE FUCKING DIED FOR YOU!' I shouted.
I think he won though as he told me to fuck off to bed and stop drinking so much.
Bingowings 2011 Businessman of the Year (Watford Branch),
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:35,
archived)
hahaha!when i was in uni a friend of mine was shocked to learn i'd never been to a church service before (my parents were agnostic, i grew up an atheist). so, he took me to his rancid little pile of blocks and i watched the whole hilarious scene play out. he was catholic, so at the end (or near it, whatever) of the show the chief nun-herd started handing out crackers and juice. i wanted to go get some, but my friend panicked and physically restrained me so i couldn't - apparently unbaptised people like me can infect the jesus remains if we bite into it.
(
postbear has metal knees,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:43,
archived)
Go towww.scienceblogs.com/pharygula
and search for fracking cracker.
It may take a couple of weeks to get through but it's worth it.
(and search for fracking cracker.
It may take a couple of weeks to get through but it's worth it.
Bingowings 2011 Businessman of the Year (Watford Branch),
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:47,
archived)
it's great so far. thanks!"...a cheap excuse to make accusations illustrated by cheesy woodcuts of hook-nosed jews hammering nails into communion wafers and lurid tales of blood-spurting crackers..."
too bad that's too long for a sig.
"no harm come to a cracker" works, though.
(too bad that's too long for a sig.
"no harm come to a cracker" works, though.
postbear has metal knees,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:53,
archived)
Unbaptized : aka 'You haven't paid for your dead god parts yet'.They just are very coy about the ticket and what it costs.
(
Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:49,
archived)
Heh....It costs your soul
(
Evil_Ted is collecting wooden giblets,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:53,
archived)
Yes, but first they'd like your time, money and children.THEN they want that too.
( Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 3:03,
archived)
We just need someone who wants souls and we'll have a full service pantheon.Need a trendy name for the cult too. May I suggest "buttsexodonkians"?
( Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 6:25,
archived)
that works.and we're all waiting for the second coming of jacob dyer.
( postbear has metal knees,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 7:51,
archived)
that's usually my reply to people who slag scirentologists.at least those con artists are partially open about the whole thing being a $cam.
( postbear has metal knees,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:55,
archived)
Well I think that's debatable that they are open about it being a crock,It's just easier to prove given some drunk twat just made it up in recent history.
(,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:57,
archived)
no, i meant that it was open knowledge that it costs money to participate. postbear has metal knees,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:58,
archived)
Ask them what happens to African AIDS babies.This is especially horrid if they are catholics.
What of limbo, bitch? Purgamotherfuckintory?
What about cunts what live in tha jungle or forests and shit.
Braaaaap.
(What of limbo, bitch? Purgamotherfuckintory?
What about cunts what live in tha jungle or forests and shit.
Braaaaap.
Bingowings 2011 Businessman of the Year (Watford Branch),
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:55,
archived)
I think C of E churches are more easy going though, I'm fairly sure my mother took me to do the non transubstatiation communion once despite not being spirit wetted.You can also pretty much abuse modern local vicars these days too, because they are unfeasibly dull and accommodating.
"What's that you want to film a monologue of your defaming the concept of religion in the vestry? Oh well as long as you don't disturb the other parisheners."
(,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 3:04,
archived)
"What's that you want to film a monologue of your defaming the concept of religion in the vestry? Oh well as long as you don't disturb the other parisheners."
Ladies without annulments in addition to their divorces like my mother are unworthy toothe filthy whores.
(
hanke murphy, I'm a mess,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:55,
archived)
Sell her.That fixes the whole thing and works by both rules new and old.
I think you can even bang her once the sale is done, if you wanted.
(I think you can even bang her once the sale is done, if you wanted.
Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 3:05,
archived)
if you remind people that marriage laws are just extensions of property agreements......they'll get annoyed and nail you to a stick too.
( postbear has metal knees,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 4:05,
archived)
I once had a friend who went a bit mental after a rough relationship, and ended up going crazy religious to the extent where she would talk to god.I asked her to ask him some questions for me. The responses managed to get passages from the bible, which god had supposedly said himself, wrong.
She didn't see this as 'questioning' her faith though.
(,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:45,
archived)
She didn't see this as 'questioning' her faith though.
i was in a band with a guy who did a similar thing.he rewrote the lyrics of our songs to be jesus-fondling pap. they were all shit songs anyway so it didn't matter, but they were suddenly more wonderful that magic gold to him at that point.
( postbear has metal knees,
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:49,
archived)
I find that if anyone is "deeply religious" they have no fucking idea what the bible has in it.Just nod and call them twats. They deserve it.
( Bingowings 2011 Businessman of the Year (Watford Branch),
Sun 31 Aug 2008, 2:50,
archived)