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# Life sucks at times
(gordiman, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 14:59, archived)
# Has he quit yet?
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:00, archived)
# Yes it does.
Anyone anywhere know of any jobs going? ANYTHING?

If I don't get out of here soon I might do something silly like tell them where to stick their excuse for a job.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:00, archived)
# Try Number 10 in about a week
(I helped save b3ta! Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)
# Hilarious.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)
# getting a job right now is like squeezing blood from a stone
Ain't gonna happen
(cenaris Is dividing 3 by waffle, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)
# Thank you for the sweeping generality
it can be done, it's just not as easy.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)
# Well, good luck on that then
(cenaris Is dividing 3 by waffle, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:03, archived)
# Thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)
# Unless it's a kidneystone
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)
# Ohhhh,
That's just nasty.
(cenaris Is dividing 3 by waffle, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:03, archived)
# Is it?
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:05, archived)
# you can be my live-in cleaner
i can pay you in lodgings, food and smokes.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)
# That'd do.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)
# are you prepared to travel
and put up with me singing the armor hot dog song for no particular reason?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)
# I can travel as far as the bus'll take me.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)
# bugger
the buses don't come around these parts, they've learned...
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)
# can you do Web Analysis?
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:03, archived)
# No, I'm afraid not.
Maybe. What is it?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:03, archived)
# well, you need a 2:1 Degree in a technical or business and marketing related degree....
and be able to monitor the site, and do 101 other bits to do with promotion, and stuff...

you'll need:

The following skills are essential:
• Strong data analysis, research and organisational skills.
• Highly numerate, an understanding of statistics and good Excel skills.
• Excellent writing and documentation skills.
• Comfortable with using web analytics tools
• A good knowledge of the web analytics tools on the market.
• Experience of using HTML, Javascript and CSS.
• A strong interest in the web, coupled with a good understanding of the technologies that power the web and how they work and fit together.

The following skills are highly desirable:
• Experience with analysing web based user behaviour.
• Any digital marketing or e-commerce experience would be desirable.

(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)
# So, anyone can do it, basically?

*runs* ;)
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)
# probably, I have no idea..... I'm just a designer.... It's not my place to know anything about the rest of the company
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)
# *designer high-fives*
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)
# *high-fives*
the slight problem here is, I'm on my own, and outnumbered by marketing types, so I have to do what I'm told, and it's a bugger to get new and interesting design stuff in... Still, I'm chipping away at their rock-like exterior... :D
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)
# Yeah, I know how it goes
But I only do this for two days a week.
For the rest, I'm my own company ;)
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:29, archived)
# I don't have a degree.
I had to go and be useful to my family instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)
# I don't know if the degree thing matters, it just said it on the email I had.....
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)
# I can't do the more technically bits, no.
Afraid not. If I'd have known EVERYONE needed IT qualifications in this day and age (or so it seems) I'd have given it more thought than I did.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)
# This 'degree' business fucks me off
I've got a degree, not ind esign, but I've got nearly seven years design experience in AN ACTUAL BUSINESS but I get passed over for better looking, cheaper kids with design degrees
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)
# I got passed up for a project management role
because the 20 year old I was up against had a degree in fine art.

Yep.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:37, archived)
# This woman can
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8083962.stm
(I helped save b3ta! Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)
# it has spiders in it... I'm not watching it
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:05, archived)
# Spiders are like teddy bears :D
With more legs. And fangs.
(I helped save b3ta! Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)
# i like spiders
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)
# People are losing their jobs all around me now
Three people asked me if I knew of something else just yesterday alone

But yours was in a call centre, right? Every larger company has at least one of those, I'm sure.
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)
# My job WAS in a call centre
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:14, archived)
# This is what I meant
I just assumed you were looking for something new in your field of experience.
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)
# No, I've not managed a call centre for a few months now
I don't care what the new job is, I just need to get out of here before it puts me on yet more medication.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:22, archived)
# :(

*huggles*
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:31, archived)
# Ahh, ta chap *cuddle*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:34, archived)
# I've been looking in Wigan for the past couple of months and haven't managed to get anything. :(
Good luck with the hunt though. :)
(I helped save b3ta! Incredibly Ordinary Dave needs your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)
# Cheers lovely, you too
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)
# If I could, I'd give you a job in a heartbeat.
There's a Programme Manager position in Aylesbury
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)
# You probably need a degree.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)
# You don't
* Knowledge of the OEM product life cycle – ITCM, PDR, CDR, FAI
* Proven customer relationship management skills
* Strong programme management skills
* Team player /​ builder
* Computer literate (Microsoft Suite, Lotus Notes, JDE)
* Good attention to detail
* Able to think ‘out of the box’
* Focus on customer satisfaction
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)
# In that case
No
Yes
Yes
Yes
No, not Lotus
Yes
Yes
Yes

and I bet the two I said no to are REALLY important.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)
# Might be worth applying for though?
Who dares and all that :(
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)
# I could do, I promise you I won't get it though
I've done programme management, but I've always acted up, I've never had it as my job as they'd have to pay me for once.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)
# I don't know then, sorry :(
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:26, archived)
# :) no worries, poppet
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:28, archived)
# Did you try the Healthcare lot?
Definitely worth a punt, pickle.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:13, archived)
# :S they strike me as the sort of company that want a degree in anything
to hire even the dogsbodies. I will try though!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)
# No, it's more about what you know and how you do stuff.
Nothing ventured...

*hugs*
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)
# I'll try! :)
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)
# CSC?
I met a few people from CSC last year, they spent a good while talking about how reliable their computer systems are and there was no possibility they could fail.

Guess who's business card I pulled out the back of the desk when their system went tits-up for 24 hours :D
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)
# Not CSC, no... I don't know them.
The Cap'n has the details.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:20, archived)
# Ok, I'll shut up then :)
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)
# No, I didn't mean it like that. :)
What's this CSC all about, then?
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:23, archived)
# CSC health services
They are the ones running 75% of the NHS computer systems
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)
# Ooooh, no....
Definitely not them. It's a part of the lot that I work for.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:25, archived)
# They don't have any need for Caché programmers do they?
:P
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 9 Jun 2009, 15:48, archived)