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# Is m3ss3ng3r working?
Or can I simply not fucking hummus?
(I helped save b3ta! csabai, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 2:34, archived)
# what's the url for m3ss3nger
I got it at work but not here
(I helped save b3ta! mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 2:47, archived)
# Have you sean this already?
I just saw a commercial on ITV 2 for a hair removal cream called nads, and I fucking quote"nads can be rubbed all over the skin" "you can enlarge a tub of nads" it was the best fucking bit of marketing I've ever sean. And their websites better!
clicky
(I helped save b3ta! mrbongo sweating like a formicophiliac on I'm a celebrity, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 2:09, archived)
# I like the bit
that promotes Nads for men, what will they think of next.

"Call and we'll toss in our specially blended Smoothing Balm"
nice.
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 2:30, archived)
# Christ - this is absolutely brilliant
A Woo and a giant Yay!!

though I'm sure if you actually buy this stuff with your credit card, the fuckers will use the info to buy JCB.s and rip out cash points from the highstreet
(Egg, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 2:57, archived)
# madness
but funny madness
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 8:43, archived)
[challenge entry] I dreamt about this piece...
so i decided it'd make an ideal Turner prize winner.



It shows one mans efforts to strive to become a ski resort sheep.
Poor David Bellamy
(I helped save b3ta! beefandcheese, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:19, archived)
# LOOK! HYENAS! AND THEY ARE SHAGGING!
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:06, archived)
# so...
whats everyone wearing?

south park t shirt and some cut up umbro "poppers" that i made into shorts ages ago.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:02, archived)
# Big red flares
and a bright green I am a moon monster t-shirt.

And big bags under my eyes that are trying to tell me to go to bed.
(I helped save b3ta! giblethead2000, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:17, archived)
# Nothing
Woo!
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 2:02, archived)
# Wearing
6 day old Y fronts. Gettin a little itchy round the But Tox. g
(Gun of sod, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 5:26, archived)
# Hmm
Black cyberdog rave trouser thingies, white cyberdog 25pin serial port t-shirt, Black mesh top underneath, silver goggles, big arse swear platforms.

Oh, just the usual =)
(Dies Irae, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 11:38, archived)
# great words
shnoodle. mulay. fleadh. flange. flim. gussett. crotch. vole. spam. ham. etc etc
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:55, archived)
# .
gooey
(theredqueen, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:57, archived)
# face
and of course, toilet
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:59, archived)
# poo
sludge
monkey
(theredqueen, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:01, archived)
# glaikit
crabbit, scunner, gallus
(I helped save b3ta! pabulum, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 5:51, archived)
# continuing from below
women seem to fall for bastards, all you've got to do is watch Kilroy and you'll see...
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:54, archived)
# but they are all middle aged muntas
who wouldnt know sense if it him them in the eye, and then ran off shouting "HA HA I AM SENSE AND I JUST HIT SOME MUNTA IN THE EYE!"
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:57, archived)
# true
as they say, when theres not much of a selection at the buffet you're not so fussy what you put on your plate...
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:01, archived)
# true
and after all, you dont look out the window when your poking the fireplace
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:04, archived)
# I think
given some of the munters on the chatshows* you'd have to look out of the window when poking the fireplace.

*obviously the shows entitled "I am a nymphomaniac model and have a beautiful tanned curvy figure and large breasts" aren't included in that statement.
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:11, archived)
# woops meant to have a dont in there
that would make more sense. anyway, i am just going to abuse my power to make the sexy with women and then toss them away like a piece of toast that fell on the floor, and got all dust and crap on it because it had sticky butter on it.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:18, archived)
# hey
if you've got any tickets (and women going with them) to spare, I'm sure the guys on the board would like to know about them....
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 1:36, archived)
# i've run out of thinking
night night all!
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:49, archived)
# I know it's late...
and I've been drinking... And probably no-one's around anyway.. But I just wanted to mention:

Weebl is a fucking genuis - I saw the original 'pie' the other day, but just saw Donkey and my sides are now well and truly split.

That is all.
(I helped save b3ta! giblethead2000, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:49, archived)
# arse cunt scrote fuck...
beer is great isn't it?

Went for a quick one at 6pm... just got home.

Oooops.
(I helped save b3ta! chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:43, archived)
# live & kickin :-)
finally got a site together for some of my past b3ta efforts and other assorted stuff - at www.pabulumpix.com
(I helped save b3ta! pabulum, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:36, archived)
# that is
fookin lovely!
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:42, archived)
# absolutely blinding
you get my first woo-yay....
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:45, archived)
# .


A valid excuse to use my Woo Yay noodle. (Tex Mex Super Noodles taste like shite)
(braindead, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:46, archived)
# ooo very nice
(minoltion, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:48, archived)
# milk anyone?

clicky bigger
(I helped save b3ta! aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:19, archived)
# thats sick
i hope you fucking rot in hell you bastard

your mind - stay alone
(minoltion, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:24, archived)
# I hate your stupid news letter


and your stupid addictive games. So there!
(trixarnt4kidz, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:17, archived)
# A goat in a boat?

perhaps not...
(I helped save b3ta! SteelPriest, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:07, archived)
# Bed for me then
Enjoy yourselves at the doo tomorrow everry one.
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:06, archived)
[challenge entry] don't ask


beddy bedtime soon
(minoltion, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:04, archived)
# could someone who's going to the b3ta bash
bring a sign with 'minoltion' on it, you can feed it beer
(minoltion, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:14, archived)
[challenge entry] The blind leading the blind
(I helped save b3ta! pabulum, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:57, archived)
[challenge entry] I call this
"The Turner prize is a load of pretentious bollocks and the public are laughing at you. Can you not see that?"

(I helped save b3ta! Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:53, archived)
# woo, my scary baby anim is done
nothing special, but here is a clickety-click

i really do like that kid

see if that works, bluddy anchor tags
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:45, archived)
# Going
straight to the BTopenworld homepage sure is scary, but I don't think that's what you were after?
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:49, archived)
# woops hang about
looks like a double link or something
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:52, archived)
# Yeah
it makes that little clicky sound twice, like a re-direct.
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:54, archived)
# you've got
the file extension in caps

bt defaults to their main page as a 404

try this
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:55, archived)
# Shit
that is scary.
A cat-scan baby
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:57, archived)
# give me a minute and i will
do my "black and white minstrels" baby(s)
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:59, archived)
# I like it
its bloody clever
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Fri 7 Jun 2002, 23:59, archived)
# i am becoming obsessed
with things involving babies (not that kind of thing...watch it!) i am writing a radio sketch show at the moment, and i have just looked back through my notes, and i am shocked at how many kid references, dead kid references, dead animals, or sexual perversions i have come up with. last week i killed pop from the rice krispies box because he was a cunt. am i alright?
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:01, archived)
# course you are
I've hated those buggers on my rice crispies box for years...
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:07, archived)
# alright then, how about this one
in its original script format mind...

Sick Little Puppy
Presenter: On this morning this morning, we meet a man who can be brought to orgasm simply by watching a puppy get beaten about with a big stick. Please welcome Richard Culver to the show.
[crap clapping?]
P: Now, Richard, tell us about how this happened.
Richard: Well, I was about ten when our Labrador Shatner was run over in front of me, and it sent a shudder down my spine, and I got very excited. Of course, at that age, I didn’t know what had happened, but as I got older, well…
P: (Happy) Great, that’s super. Now, we have a puppy here, a little cocker spaniel, aaaww. Now, are you at all aroused?
R: Not really, it is kind of cute though, aaw.
P: What about if you stroke its ears?
R: Well, hmm, that’s kind of nice, mmm.
P: Stroke it harder…
R: mmm…
P: Harder, so it can feel it inside!
R: Like this? Like this? Do you like that?
P: Mmm, yeah, it feels that. Pat it’s nose!
[yelp]
P: Harder!
[yelp!]
Harder!
[high pitched woof]
P: Yeah!…mmm
[whispery groans, lots of mmming and aahing]
P: (over the top of R’s groans) Look, I’ve got a big stick!

end

of course, its radio, so you'll need your imagination.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:15, archived)
# christ
I should probably lead in with that is fucking sick you bastard and all that, but I find that quite amusing, am I alright as well?
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:19, archived)
# maybe
i've got another one about digging up some kids graves, and a few for september 11th, its all going to be recorded to cd for broadcast, and i am making a whole load of them, so i will probably advertise this nearer the time.
on the other extreme, here is the most surreal sketch i have written

Chicken Squad
[bill theme]
1: Yeah chief, he’s been selling smack to the kids who’s parents he murdered after the unearthed his hardcore pornography studio in a warehouse that he wasn’t declaring on his tax audit. Shall we nick him?
[cluck cluck cluck]
2: Erm, he cant understand you. He’s a chicken.
[music stops, wait 5 seconds]
1: Bastard.


good no?
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:25, archived)
# yup
thats bizarre, good though, what station is this going to be on?
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:27, archived)
# demon fm
de montfort uni student radio station (currently the best station in the country as voted by the staff at radio 1) woo. i am head of music next year. i am going to get SO much free stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:31, archived)
# i applied to de montford!
didn't go in the end, though

woo all the same!
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:37, archived)
# not to mention women
throwing themselves at you to get on the shows...

how did you land a job like that?
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:38, archived)
# the usual
hang around, work hard, suck cock that kind of thing. and no, the women throw themselves at the station manager. he can't however, get free cd's and gig tickets every day. "hello, you saucy little fresher. i happen to have spare tickets to tonights big gig, and, oh, look, there is enough for me, and 1, 2, 3...all of your dirty friends!"

fantastic.
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:40, archived)
# just dont
mention the dog-stick thing.... and I think you'll be onto a winner......
make sure you give em a couple of vip passes to your place afterwards, hehe.
(I helped save b3ta! youknowyouloveit, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:43, archived)
# i'll have to get them into chris morris
or i could just come across as a total bastard. women love bastards dont they?

can we start this thread again at the top?
(I helped save b3ta! rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 8 Jun 2002, 0:47, archived)

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