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# problems?
let a computer make those difficult decisions for you.
www.lifesdifficultdecisions.com
(I helped save b3ta! izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 5:06, archived)
# Important uses of oranges
To keep brown sugar moist, store in an airtight container with a whole orange, lemon, or lime. More tips for brown sugar, corn syrup, honey and jam can be found at...
www.housewifextreme.com/006013.php
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 4:44, archived)
# that is just so HANDY.
"If you ran out of brown sugar, make your own by taking 1 cup of white sugar and mixing it with 2 tablespoons of molasses."
I tell you what - I always run out of brown sugar - but crazy me - i have plenty of molasses. Isn't that always the way? Sheesh.
Thanks wifey for that top tip.
You really are, Tip Top.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 5:19, archived)
# aha, the only tip left by a bloke...
If you have to keep getting out of your armchair because you cannot easily direct the remote control at you TV set or stereo, position a mirror opposite either machine and simply bounce the signal without getting up from your seat.
submitted by:Joe
(Zannusi-Beatz, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 5:31, archived)
# 'Joe'
we salute you.
Even if you are the size of a whale.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 5:55, archived)
# mirrors
Use rubbing alcohol to remove hairspray mist from mirrors.
What is rubbing alcohol? Will beer do instead?
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 6:03, archived)
# Sad thing is...
I used to do this (with a framed picture - classier) in my last house, but mostly because my video was really ugly.
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 7:41, archived)
# Getting out of your arm chair
O no no no no no no no ... you just get married ... then you need NEVER get out of your chair!! smile!!!
(kay, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 11:06, archived)
# brown sugar
I should just run out of brown sugar if I were you. Anyway what happens when you run out of molasses???
(kay, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 11:04, archived)
# Celebrating the cult of the housewife
Check out Bobby Baker's site:
http://www.bobbybakersdailylife.com/

she is uber-housewife - makes art with food.

[site takes a while to load]
(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 7:54, archived)
# I like the idea of
being an uber-housewife.
TheWife..! That could be YOU.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 9:13, archived)
# Delia
is much more sensible.
www.deliaonline.com/
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 10:04, archived)
# true,
but she does also look like a sourfaced old bag. No?
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 10:10, archived)
# She is
My Guru. My sole aim in life is to be Delia
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 11:06, archived)
# I don't think BB photographs well
When I went to see her last performance piece, she was dead funny and certainly didn't look so 'sourfaced'...

(I helped save b3ta! chthonic, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 11:15, archived)
# a paper mache last supper


www.ripleys.com/stuff2.htm

the best art ever. i want it for my living room.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 4:02, archived)
# genius!
as indeed is the description of it! Loads of exclamation marks! Cool! "This Sculpture was made entirely from brown paper A & P shopping bags!"
Hooraah!
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Wed 26 Sep 2001, 4:07, archived)
# are these cats having sex? or just good friends?
http://www.csd.uch.gr/~sabalis/myHomepage/photos/landsc18.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 12:45, archived)
# its a rat trap

and you've been caught.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:57, archived)
# au contraire...
i'd say the rat looks like he knows exactly what he's doing, looks more like some prototype rat NBC suit, maybe he knows something we dont.
(Zannusi-Beatz, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 11:09, archived)
# I think he's just
magnetised two tiny traffic cones.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 11:28, archived)
# or...
he saw that monster cat and figured life was safer in side a jar.



it wouldbe cooler if it was a smaller bottle and a bigger rat, then much like those ships you find in bottles, hours could be spent pondering this enigma wrapped inside a puzzle.
(Zannusi-Beatz, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 11:30, archived)
# That rat is just the beginning
of the evolution of the Daleks.
(I helped save b3ta! chimpy, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 11:48, archived)
# have you ever grown fruit
inside a bottle? One of those things that seems ohhh so easy, but who ever remembers in time? Except the French.
Actually, umm... have you ever grown fruit anyway?
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 12:04, archived)
# Turtle porn
Turtles having sex in interesting ways. Thought for some reason the person who owns the site refers to them as "turds". Bizarre.
www.joebates.com/turds2.htm
(neil-a-saurus, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:57, archived)
# Anyone allergic to nuts?
(Ix the Wiz, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:54, archived)
# thats it - im never going to germany
for all I know, he could be criticising my mother.

www.space-rat.de/space-rat/zeichner/zeichner.html
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:52, archived)
# umm he sends you
cosmic greetings.
And probably your mother too.
That's about all that made sense to me.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 11:04, archived)
# tim flock
my favorite racing driver. Read this.
Genious
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:42, archived)
# it's a
Hermaphrodite Moose
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:37, archived)
# I went out with one of them once.
I was young. And a cider drinker.
(gigantor, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:58, archived)
# I want this man to be my moral guardian...
so wise, yet so gentle... and what a looker as well!

graceland.gentle.org/inside/in18.html
(Zannusi-Beatz, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:02, archived)
# My mind was "reeling" (as in fish...get it?)
why does that read like some kind of religious disney script?

As I was walking thro' London last night, i swear i saw a Unicorn. I mentioned it to the small bluebird on my shoulder and he confirmed with the rabbit at my feet that it might well''ve bee...
oh nothing.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:09, archived)
# I wonder..
What he would think about those special dog turd bins that they have in parks. I always wonder about the poor sods who empty them, and if they are allowed to wear space suits.
(I helped save b3ta! nicey, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:19, archived)
# Cats and Oranges
I forgot to mention that cats really don't like the smell of Oranges. If you offer Orange peel to a cat it will think you are trying to assult it.
(I helped save b3ta! nicey, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:16, archived)
# if you offered ME orange peel
I'd be a bit pissed off.
Give me the orange, you crazy fool!
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:24, archived)
# Good point
The same happens for any part of an Orange but the effect is most pronounced with the peel.
(I helped save b3ta! nicey, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:30, archived)
# if you cross a dog and an orange
here
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:27, archived)
# Painfull tail dogs
Is what we used to call those boys back in Primary School.
(I helped save b3ta! nicey, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:31, archived)
# That's an exceptionally
imaginative name.
Tell us more about your school days
;)
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:36, archived)
# Mental
The name was thought up by my Primary school friend Neil Brookes, who thought that their tails looked painfull. He was bonkers. He used to bury his toys in the garden and dig them up when he wanted them. He could also do impersonations of his black and white cat Tinker, running very quickly by crawling at breakneck speed around the place.
(I helped save b3ta! nicey, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:54, archived)
# I buried my caterpiller
in the garden as a child, after I thought it had drowned in a freak accident. Later that day, my mum said it would be in heaven. BUT when i dug it up to check - Fred was still alive! After that we set him free and he grew into a beautiful butterfly.

Probably.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 10:03, archived)
# oh my god!
where can i get one of them, that's great...
(Zannusi-Beatz, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:33, archived)
# this one accepted
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:40, archived)
# Fake Adverts
(Click image to open site with more funnies)
(I helped save b3ta! hal9000 sme, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 8:30, archived)
# i always find that
the adbusters shop is something of a contradiction.
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 8:37, archived)
# im like a bird
a dog that looks like a bat
here
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 8:20, archived)
# i have a certain
affection for that dog.
Are you Nelly Furtado?
Are you?
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:06, archived)
# Whoa
Its head is way too big for its body.
(I helped save b3ta! nicey, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:18, archived)
# Admit it, which one of you is responsible...


www.stupidanimals.freeserve.co.uk


It's got to be someone here, I recognise far too many of the pictures...

(Zannusi-Beatz, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 8:06, archived)
# bugger...
didnt realise Popbitch had already done this one, ok, well it'sstill funny anyway.
(Zannusi-Beatz, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 8:13, archived)
# found out!
we stole loads of images from stupidanimals for the cat game.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 8:48, archived)
# erm, me.



sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! tomdog, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:08, archived)
# no need...
to be sorry, it's a gem of a site, especially for including my favourite animal of all time the gentle Manatee.
(Zannusi-Beatz, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:13, archived)
# ah the whale of the sea
oh hang on. that's whales, isn't it.
(I helped save b3ta! tomdog, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:29, archived)
# really?
it's a fantastic site.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 9:19, archived)
# voilence in flash
Bruce Lee animations. Genius.
erik.la/MULTIMEDIA/
(I helped save b3ta! izb posting occasional messages since 2001, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 7:06, archived)
# Ostrich perils
I need a picture of Bernie Clifton riding his ostrich. I though you guys might be able to help.
(I helped save b3ta! PeterSeychelles, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 6:59, archived)
# Who?
biog please.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 7:03, archived)
# Bernie Clifton
He used to present Crackerjack and I have vague memories of him running the marathon. He was a bit like Mr Hull and his dreaded Emu
(I helped save b3ta! PeterSeychelles, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 7:07, archived)
# ah... i've found a photo without the ostrich
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 7:12, archived)
# photo without the ostrich
That's not Bernie Clifton; it's Don McClean!
(Spencer Shires, Wed 6 Feb 2002, 14:52, archived)
# artrage!
Just had a quick look... while he gets many a mention, the great man is sadly lacking in portrature.
At this rate I'll have to take the picture i have out of the heart shaped frame above my bed and scan it myself.
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 7:09, archived)
# weekend at bernies
you could make a great joust type game.

Found a fake Bernie Clifton here
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 7:47, archived)
# this is the best thing I've ever found
http://www.whiplashrides.com/
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 5:05, archived)
# these are ace


(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 4:08, archived)
# did you make those
yourself honey?
(I helped save b3ta! pep, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 4:13, archived)
# no
i'm too busy doing this to make egg shit:

www.earsalive.com/how_to_candle_the_ears.htm
(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 4:22, archived)
# In China
being an earwax remover is an honourable professsion which is sadly dying out.
The BBC had a feature on it a while ago here
(I helped save b3ta! chimpy, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 4:47, archived)
# great stuff - i want candles in my ears too
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 7:49, archived)
# from the b3ta mailbox
To: [email protected]
From: Brian Kendall
Subject: demented cartoon movie


I didn't know what to do to submit stuff to you guys, so I'd figure I'd send some email... I'm submitting a flash movie I made (yeah, yeah, it's kind of shameless self-advertising, but whatever) that I figured you might like called
the Demented Cartoon movie. Although it's about 30 minutes long (really), it still loads really fast and people generally seem to think it's pretty hilarious. Here's a URL for it:

www.northwestern.edu/musicschool/personal/kendall/bKendall/tdcm/tdcm.html

Hope you like it

- Brian
[email protected]
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Tue 25 Sep 2001, 3:40, archived)

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