b3ta.com user monkeon
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Profile for monkeon:
Profile Info:

Games and stuff here.

My b3ta pics go here... well, when I can be bothered to update it.

I don't tweet much, but I try and use it as a feed for pics which haven't died on their arse here and to launch any new games I make.

Recent front page messages:


(Tue 17th Jan 2023, 23:30, More)

Apologies for length and TOAPyness

(Thu 29th Dec 2022, 23:11, More)

The jokes in these crackers are shite

(Sat 24th Dec 2022, 13:11, More)

Cracker Gifts 2049
Click for bigger (115 kb)
(Fri 23rd Dec 2022, 22:14, More)

Zuck's Emotion Eric rip off wasn't as popular as his Hot or Not one
Click for bigger (173 kb)
(Wed 16th Nov 2022, 22:48, More)


(Sun 13th Nov 2022, 16:05, More)


(Sun 13th Nov 2022, 15:35, More)

Click for bigger (90 kb)
(Mon 7th Nov 2022, 21:23, More)

Man vs Pigeons
Click for bigger (109 kb)
Happy Halloween!
(Mon 31st Oct 2022, 22:46, More)

Public Information Film - GMT: Don't Die of Ignorance (1922)
Click for bigger (85 kb)
(Sat 29th Oct 2022, 22:24, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Evil Pranks

Piracy is theft
In the 80s, I was asked to make a copy of Fruit Machine Simulator on the spectrum 48k for my brother's friend.

However, instead of copying it, we wrote a programme something along the lines of

10 PRINT "The reason you are seeing this message"
20 PRINT "is because you have pirated this software"
30 PRINT "We have detected that your address"
40 PRINT "is 16 Butterfield Close"
50 PRINT "and the police have been informed"

..and saved that on the tape.

The friend's dad loaded the game and apparently was thinking about phoning the police in order to hand himself in.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 12:28, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

How many gammon does it take to change a lightbulb?
Millions. First to successfully campaign to leave the EU, and then to wait in the dark for the proper inefficient incandescent light bulbs to make a comeback.
(Tue 8th May 2018, 10:52, More)

» Walkman Flashbacks

A friend of mine told me that he really liked that "build me a buttercup" song. Why? I asked, it's horrible.

"It was playing at my girlfriend's house, when their dog came in and started trying to hump me" he explained.

So now, whenever I hear that song, I think of my friend being assaulted by a great dane in front of his girlfriend's horrified parents.

I have no idea why that makes him like it.
(Thu 24th Mar 2005, 11:53, More)

» Hotel Splendido

A few years ago, myself and two friends went on holiday to Bournemouth. The landlady of the hotel seemed nice enough and showed us to our rooms. During the night, however, we could hear quite a bit of shouting from somewhere in the hotel.

The next day, I went out for a walk and what appeared to be a drunken tramp shouts something at me from down the street as I was leaving. As is usually wise, I chose not to turn around to a drunken shout of "Oy!", but instead I walked faster in the opposite direction and hoped that he'd ignore me.

However, the tramp ran after me and wrestled me to the floor.

The tramp then accused me of burgling his house.

It was only then that I realised that it wasn't a friendly old tramp at all, but rather the alcoholic wife beating husband of the woman who had showed us to our rooms.

Somewhere in his brain, he mustn't have realised that it was a hotel where he lived, but thought it was just his house.

The next day, he got his wife to appologise on his behalf. Like he seemed to get her to do everything for him. The twat.
(Fri 18th Jan 2008, 13:39, More)

» The Meaning Of Giff

A website which has been ruined by bad UX. "Amazon has been buxted since they've started trying to trick users into getting Prime by mistake."
(Mon 30th Apr 2018, 22:20, More)
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