b3ta.com user monkeon
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Profile for monkeon:
Profile Info:

Games and stuff here.

My b3ta pics go here... well, when I can be bothered to update it.

I don't tweet much, but I try and use it as a feed for pics which haven't died on their arse here and to launch any new games I make.

Recent front page messages:

Wordle Encounters

(Mon 10th Jan 2022, 23:24, More)

The Rebel (2022)
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(Sun 9th Jan 2022, 17:32, More)

The Doomsday Glacier
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(Sat 1st Jan 2022, 16:28, More)

He's alive!

(Sat 11th Dec 2021, 18:26, More)

Ood Descending a Staircase

(Tue 30th Nov 2021, 22:45, More)


(Wed 24th Nov 2021, 23:26, More)


(Sun 14th Nov 2021, 16:43, More)

Have a late entry
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(Tue 9th Nov 2021, 23:15, More)

Click for bigger (92 kb)
(Sun 7th Nov 2021, 13:29, More)

I wrote a script to mash up an array of toilet-related words and the names of Tory MPs.
The results reminded me of Garbage Pail Kids, hence...

Click for bigger (126 kb)
(Tue 26th Oct 2021, 22:28, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Evil Pranks

Piracy is theft
In the 80s, I was asked to make a copy of Fruit Machine Simulator on the spectrum 48k for my brother's friend.

However, instead of copying it, we wrote a programme something along the lines of

10 PRINT "The reason you are seeing this message"
20 PRINT "is because you have pirated this software"
30 PRINT "We have detected that your address"
40 PRINT "is 16 Butterfield Close"
50 PRINT "and the police have been informed"

..and saved that on the tape.

The friend's dad loaded the game and apparently was thinking about phoning the police in order to hand himself in.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 12:28, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

How many gammon does it take to change a lightbulb?
Millions. First to successfully campaign to leave the EU, and then to wait in the dark for the proper inefficient incandescent light bulbs to make a comeback.
(Tue 8th May 2018, 10:52, More)

» Walkman Flashbacks

A friend of mine told me that he really liked that "build me a buttercup" song. Why? I asked, it's horrible.

"It was playing at my girlfriend's house, when their dog came in and started trying to hump me" he explained.

So now, whenever I hear that song, I think of my friend being assaulted by a great dane in front of his girlfriend's horrified parents.

I have no idea why that makes him like it.
(Thu 24th Mar 2005, 11:53, More)

» Hotel Splendido

A few years ago, myself and two friends went on holiday to Bournemouth. The landlady of the hotel seemed nice enough and showed us to our rooms. During the night, however, we could hear quite a bit of shouting from somewhere in the hotel.

The next day, I went out for a walk and what appeared to be a drunken tramp shouts something at me from down the street as I was leaving. As is usually wise, I chose not to turn around to a drunken shout of "Oy!", but instead I walked faster in the opposite direction and hoped that he'd ignore me.

However, the tramp ran after me and wrestled me to the floor.

The tramp then accused me of burgling his house.

It was only then that I realised that it wasn't a friendly old tramp at all, but rather the alcoholic wife beating husband of the woman who had showed us to our rooms.

Somewhere in his brain, he mustn't have realised that it was a hotel where he lived, but thought it was just his house.

The next day, he got his wife to appologise on his behalf. Like he seemed to get her to do everything for him. The twat.
(Fri 18th Jan 2008, 13:39, More)

» The Meaning Of Giff

A website which has been ruined by bad UX. "Amazon has been buxted since they've started trying to trick users into getting Prime by mistake."
(Mon 30th Apr 2018, 22:20, More)
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