Have You Been Unable to Look Where You're Going in the Past Three Years?
Sorry, the floodgates have opened now (CAUTION: FLOOR MAY BE WET). I've never liked personal injury lawyer adverts, but I've noticed a new trend in recent years which has made them around 4000 times more irritating.

When the adverts first appeared, the emphasis was on how much money they could get you for a stubbed toe or a theatrical case of whiplash. Suddenly people up and down the country started looking a lot closer at where they were going, and specifically at whether the route included any good paving-slabs to trip over in return for a week in Kos. Surprisingly, the phrase 'ambulance-chaser' became commonplace when referring to these companies, and their reputations plummeted.

So, how to banish this image of bloodsucking parasites dragging schools, councils and companies to court in order to fund some clumsy bastard's booze cruise? Simple! Pretend that all you want is a Safer World, where people can't fall over or twat their heads. You're not there to turn injuries into cash; You're highlighting the accident blackspots and making sure they get fixed! Gradually, adverts started to emphasis this.

"I got £4000... And the company installed a big sign saying 'Don't Put Your Bollocks in the Mincer'"
"I got £6000... And everyone at work got sent on a two-week course explaining the dangers of picking your nose with an electric cattle-prod"

Am I being overly cynical, or do these companies actually not give a flying fuck whether someone installed an extra bin or moved a bus-stop? (WARNING: LOW-FLYING FUCKS)
(costas, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 12:49, 9 replies)

yep
Some bint crashed into me a few months ago. At the time my neck was a little sore. A couple of days later I got a call from the parasites assigned by my insurance company.

“Hello, I understand you sustained an injury?”

“No, it’s better, I woke the day after the accident and it was fine, not even a twinge.”

“Erm…Sorry?”

“It’s all better”

“Erm…..well….that’s…..erm …good….news.”

I got the feeling this was the first time they’d ever had this conversation.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 20 Apr 2010, 13:33, closed)

I want to know who I should sue
if I trip over a 'Caution Wet Floor' sign?


And no, of course they don't care. they're trying to make it look like they are performing a valuable Health and Safety service which incidentally nets someone a few grand, just as a side effect like.
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 13:45, closed)

It also serves to push up insurance premiums and your council tax. Yay

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 15:01, closed)

the latest one is the worst
some bloke had squeezed through a narrow gap, only to have the gate swing shut on him. he sued and won. WTF? he got money for a gate being blown shut? who did he sue, the fucking wind?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 17:21, closed)

pppf
was he a fat fuck and got stuck in the gap?

(these adverts, or even these types of adverts, dont exist in Spain, thank fuck)
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 17:34, closed)

not fat
but looked thick as pigshit
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 17:38, closed)

God, yes
I think I wouldn't mind these adverts so much if they included more actual footage of these numpties getting floored/flattened/squashed. They could even offer bigger payouts for funnier accidents. They could call themselves 'You've Been Claimed'.
(costas, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 15:11, closed)

i fully endorse this idea

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 17:04, closed)

Kids
I like the one where the guy admitted he crashed whilst perving at kids waiting for the bus. The bus stop was moved. I hope he wasn't told where to.
(Spamuel, Wed 21 Apr 2010, 14:23, closed)