I'm still proud of this one.
My annoying neighbour "Albert the Knob" has this adorning my shed on his side;




I'm thinking of lighting it up for Christmas...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 18:53, 66 replies)

Your mate Albert is crap at felting.
Nice bit of mahogany dado though.
Oops, misunderstood you there. Thought Albert had built it, not you.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 19:01, closed)

Mahogany dado?
Are you fucking stupid?
Ronseal on cheap fucking whitewood. Probably not even pine.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 19:59, closed)

If I was 'Albert the knob' I'd be lolling and showing all my crazy pals how the special needs cripple from next door puts together a shed
Of special note would be your inability to cut felt (or anything else) in a straight line - shaky hands from your Cerebral palsy I'd imagine. The baton jointing is pretty tragic, and let's not get started on the finish coat of plaster.


No offence.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 19:04, closed)

That's not plaster, you fucking blind spastic.
Have you got fliddy eyes, or something?
Has all the jizzum interfered with your visual capacity?
Away and have a pint.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 19:53, closed)

Oh shit it's CSI Blaireau, back from the park to set the internet to rights
Piss your pants again today?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 19:57, closed)

Fuck off you 'tard.
Anybody with a jizz-free eye in their head can see it's not plaster.
I've seen the state of your WHB, you degenerate kiddy-fiddler.
Away back from whence you came.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:02, closed)

You dropped this "." BTW.

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:02, closed)

Dunno looks like a pretty amateur top coat applied by a shaky hand cripple, you'd know all about that though what with your DTs

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:05, closed)

Don't you mean DT's?
Can't even insult coherently.
What a fucking Joey you are.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:07, closed)

You seem upset blaireau, I'll edit it all nice for you
I've just noticed you're using big words again. That didn't turn out too well last time as I recall. Have you brushed up on your French yet?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:10, closed)

Edit it for your own vanity, you bell-end.
Now admit you've been bested and fuck off, there's a a good wee chap.
Edit: If I send you a fiver will you please get some grammar lessons?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:14, closed)

Forsooth, thou hath bested me upon this field of bloody combat, I shall return WHENCE I came, with broken spur and shattered lance.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:24, closed)

Ok, I acknowledge your acceptance of defeat.
But what about the grammar lessons?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:27, closed)

I'm not sure the board piss can is really in any position to be self elected Arbiter of grammar, nor indeed anything else.
Instead of taking the internet so very seriously why not sober up and read your kid a nice bedtime story. It's these little things they remember in years to come, not how many imagined victories Drunk Daddy scored on the internet.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:34, closed)

You really haven't a clue of reality, have you?
You constantly chunter on suggesting (LOL) that I have a drink problem.
You truly are a fantasist and a gob-shite.
Worst of all? You're nothing more than a cracked record. If this were JAM you'd be had up constantly for repetition.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:41, closed)

pffft
fucking hell you two need a 6.30 radio4 slot. this is better than comedy hour. Hinge and Bracket on acid
edit:(I'm not being sarcastic btw that exchange genuinely cracked me up)
( Clay hopes this bit is long enough to promote my websi, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:41, closed)

I'm starting to get a bit bored with it TBH
I try and stick to facts but RL always has to start with the alcoholism stuff.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:44, closed)

are you uncomfortable with admitting you have a problem?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 18 Nov 2011, 13:57, closed)

You can't win
But you can have fun trying. I suspect people with only negative things to say are the ones with the real problems.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 18:42, closed)

I assume you've read my replies by now.
This wasn't easy to make it sound, but at the same time look like crap.
The 6' fence is just below the picture, which was taken by putting a compact on a pole, with timed delay.

The house extension, conservatory and decking/landscaping I've done is, I assure you, quite up to standard. The Mrs wouldn't have it any other way!
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 18 Nov 2011, 12:30, closed)

The rest of the shed is lovely.
I deliberately made it look really shit to annoy him (an old boy with too much time on his hands). He wouldn't let me go into his garden to finish it off, so I made sure it looked a tad "rough".

The end bit was just the icing on the cake.

(Oh, and if you look properly, there's no cutting of felt at all. It just ends where it does).
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:17, closed)

Rory Lyon (purveyor of shit-pun usernames) reckons you plaster-skimmed the gable wall whilst undergoing alcohol withdrawal.
I beg to differ, reckoning no plaster was involved.
Would you care to illuminate?
X
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:22, closed)

I wouldn't let a cunt like you
into my garden, either.

It must be absolutely fucking awful being your neighbour. I pity him.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 21 Nov 2011, 0:54, closed)

You wouldn't have to worry about not letting me in.
I'd probably just be able to walk in without any trouble. You sound like a bit of a whimpy shit.

I await your stunningly witty reply... However I suspect it will be full of bitterness and hate, and rather low on the wit, as usuual.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 18:13, closed)

heheh

(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Wed 23 Nov 2011, 6:55, closed)

well,
I liked it, anyway.
( The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 19:47, closed)

Thanks.
I'm thinking of putting a huge cross of St George flag on it as well, seeing as he's a Scot. Nothing against Scots, just this one.

He once moaned that I has a skip on my driveway when I was building an extension. His point was "where are you going to put the blocks when they're delivered, eh?".
"Anywhere I fucking want" was my reply. Why are some people such miserable bastards?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 21:10, closed)

I don't know.
I don't know why you're such a miserable bastard.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 21 Nov 2011, 0:55, closed)

Dealing with twunts like you
For one reason. Although it's quite fun seeing how pathetic trolls like you get their kicks. Bring it on, little boy.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 18:15, closed)

Pretty fucking shoddy work there, you cowboy.
No wonder your neighbour hates you.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 19:55, closed)

See rely above
Albert's an old boy with too much time and too many complaints in him, despite me not actually doing anything.

So when I built the shed and he wouldn't let me go over his side to paint it, I deliberatly just used old wood and rough render to make it look shit. His garden's all paved and antiseptic so it needed a bit of brightening up.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:19, closed)

Fair enough dude, answers my question above.
Have you ever thought of turning off his water at the stop-cock in the street?
Or maybe throwing shit at his house?
Then he might get the message ;)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:24, closed)

Oh look the board drunk owes me apology
Looks like you aint even the drunk builder you make yourself out to be.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:38, closed)

Do facts matter to you?
Do you know the difference between render and plaster?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:42, closed)

OMFG pedant alert, cement render is external plastering. Plasterers tend to apply it and all not Renderers lol

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:51, closed)

So you don't know the difference between cement and plaster?
What a fucking retard.
I'm no pedant, well not here at least, but there's a big fucking chemical difference that even a retard like you should appreciate.
Fuck off and Google it, then come back and re-join the discussion when you're not completely full of shit.
Hint: check your facts before you engage an expert.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:58, closed)

Oh dearie me Blaireau, this is the drink talking I know, but still you really are a ringpiece.
You're reduced to crying about 'chemical differences' between internal plaster work and external render, best stick to ripping off old dears eh Mr 'Expert'. The only expertise you possess is finding the nearest off licence. lol
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 21:04, closed)

Never let those pesky facts get in the way of a good story, eh?
So in your world cement and plaster are the same thing?
Get to Falkirk.
Retard.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 21:21, closed)

You really need to step away from the internet.
This is some humiliating stuff right here. Even by your standards.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Nov 2011, 11:32, closed)

haha
'standards'.
Oh, dear me! 'Standards'??
/shakes head
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 21 Nov 2011, 0:56, closed)

^^
:-)
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 18:16, closed)

Only last week
I was looking out the back window and saw a large colourful "feather" duster coming over the 6ft fence and poking away at our cat sitting on the flat roof of the potting shed in our garden.

He'd gone before I got out there unfortunately. The cat wasn't too bothered though.

The render on the shed though was done upside down from the roof, so looks as rough as I could make it really. I'd rather hoped he'd see what the shape was, but it seems to have eluded him.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:49, closed)

Indeed you are a star.
I take back pretty much all I said before.
So this guy was harassing your cat?
Utter cunt!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 21:01, closed)

It's OK
Gonzalez would have him, given the chance. He's not a small cat, by any means.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 21:52, closed)

Gonzales!
You get a click just for that.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Fri 18 Nov 2011, 13:00, closed)

yeah.
how DARE he take offence at his cunty neigbour's cat shitting (no doubt) in his garden? And then to ATTACK IT WITH FEATHERS!
It's an outrage. I feel a stern letter to an editor coming on.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 21 Nov 2011, 0:58, closed)

What a complete twat you are. Really (no doubt)
Thinking before typing doesn't appear to be a strong point of yours, does it? Best keep quiet on matters you know nothing about.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 13:55, closed)

nope.
watching you fume is just toasty, thank you.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Wed 23 Nov 2011, 6:55, closed)

Fume? :-)
A small boy posting pitiful rants on the internet isn't something to fume about. I suspect you're just hoping that's the case, as you're jealous I'm not a crusty like you.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 10:29, closed)

tell me you didnt wall paper that as wel, as put the dido rail on it?

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:03, closed)

What the fuck is a dido rail?
A rail for hanging Dido from?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:06, closed)

so sorry ment to say dildo rail

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 21:16, closed)

;)

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 17 Nov 2011, 21:22, closed)

Impressive stuff
I found some knocking about and thought it would look pretty bad, so nailed it up for a quick "ugly" effect. It's been 2 years now and going strong, so I may just leave it up there.

And paint the wall bright orange or something.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 20:20, closed)

No, it's not wallpaper.
It just looks a bit like that. The dado rail is as you said though, just to hold the felt flat.

I could list the endless pettyness of my neighbour that resulted in me deciding that the shed wouldn't be too asthetically pleasing for him, but I think that's for another QOTW re-run...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 22:52, closed)

Add three pubes per ball.
Paint it magenta, then add 3 white LEDs wired into a graceful arc from the bell-end and it'd be perfect.
( moonbadger Doesn't judge a fish by its ability to climb trees, Fri 18 Nov 2011, 10:13, closed)

I may just have to do this
I thought he'd complain about how bad I'd made the shed look on his side. It seems he's only willing to complain about little things.

I've made it subtle, but may just have to paint it and add the LED's. I did consider just replacing it with a bigger one, month by month...
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 18 Nov 2011, 12:26, closed)

Make the pubes fibre-optic!

(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Fri 18 Nov 2011, 13:11, closed)

^this^

( moonbadger Doesn't judge a fish by its ability to climb trees, Fri 18 Nov 2011, 15:13, closed)

Has anyone commented on the standard of your workmanship yet?

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 18 Nov 2011, 14:04, closed)

Strangely enough, no.
I'd like to hear an opinion though. Something that you don't often get around here. Maybe everyone's too shy?
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Fri 18 Nov 2011, 15:03, closed)

Lies! On the Internet.
" Pretty fucking shoddy work there, you cowboy.
No wonder your neighbour hates you."
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 18 Nov 2011, 18:12, closed)

Simply put:-
This does not make you the bigger person.
This makes you a massive cuntface with too much time on his hands and a petty, childish streak a mile wide.
Grow the fuck up.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Mon 21 Nov 2011, 1:00, closed)

I was waiting for you to do a bit of trolling
Your message just goes to show that you're the cuntface (and I think looking at your other posts, many others would agree).

Simply put, I couldn't give a fuck what you think, say or do. I'm sure you feel big being all agressive over the internet, but I suspect you're actually a very shallow, insecure and rather pathetic person.

Just because you couldn't hold your own in the last QOTW, don't try to make up for things by being a double-cunt this week.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 7:33, closed)

you really, really couldn't care what I think, hey?
maybe you could write a few more paragraphs telling me how you don't care?
If you have the time, don't you have to go and paint your shed orange solely to troll your elderly neighbour?
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Wed 23 Nov 2011, 6:53, closed)

Aww. That the best you've got?
It's obvious you're taking this obnoxious stance because I've upset you on QOTW before, pointing out your deficiencies.

Fume? No. Why should someone on the internet with little wit, intelligence or even the ability to argue their way out of a wet paper bag give me any sleepless nights? You're on every forum in one shape or form. It's quite amusing to see your mood swings though. I've only responded in kind to your comments. The fact that you instigated the trolling on my thread (and many others) does say an awful lot about you though.

The next CDC I make to go on my shed will be dedicated to you :-)
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 7:52, closed)