I hate dogs and cats
And most of the stories about them on here this week have been fucking boring.

So, in an act of hypocrisy, I'm going to post a story about being attacked by a dog.

(This one is pretty boring too)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many years ago, when I was a very young man, about six or seven, we had people across the road who had a dog that they used to let run about the place.
This dog, with the wonder of hindsight, was a collie-sized mongrel puppy, and really bouncy.

To my young self it was bigger than me, and intent on knocking me down to kill me by eating my face.
Every time I left the house this one-headed Cerberus would run up and jump at me, and I would get the fear and flee.

One day I decided that I'd had enough, so armed myself with a walking stick, put on a huge pair of Wellington boots (my Dads, I think, must've been up to my crotch), oven mitts and topped off the protective ensemble with a small colander on my head.

I marched out to the battlefield to face my Grendel-like foe.

Right on cue the bastard hell-spawn ran at me, but this time I stood firm, shut my eyes and managed to score a lucky hit right in the poor creature's knackers.

It whimpered, ran off, and never bothered me again.
I had won.

The end.
( Cawl, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 12:17, 5 replies)

Hahaha
What a waste of time reading half of that was for me.

I'm going back to my much more interesting post below now. :)
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 12:22, closed)

Don't be mean Bert
It contained references to old English poetry, Greek mythology and the word knackers. And it conjures up a picture of a young Kaol with a colander on his head. I liked it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 12:30, closed)

^^^This!
oh yes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 12:34, closed)

Sorry
I didn't mean to be rude, I didn't even get to the colander bit.

It's better than I thought!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 12:41, closed)

I wish someone had taken a photo
of you - the colander being the finishing touch ...

*click*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 28 Apr 2008, 14:01, closed)