I will pay a mod a shiny pound to change the question.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 13:52, 5 replies)

On Styrrup Golf course...
I did a shit in one of the holes and stole the flags as a dare/bet

I made 10 quid for 15 minutes work

Not sorry
(Pennisons Revenge All this trouble over squealing meat, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:43, 8 replies)

No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women..
This doesn't really fit because it wasn't me but it was something I witnessed, but hey. I've nothing against buskers (my own musical abilities stretch no further than a vocally schizo version of Tiny Dancer at karaoke, yo-yo-ing between startled cat and Bing Crosby after a stroke) but the one I encountered back in early/mid nineties Nottingham really sticks in the memory.

Some friends and I would head into Nottingham on the train for a bit of shopping back in the day. They had some decent clothes shops back then (not sure about now, it's been years since I've been there) and we'd buy some sandwiches and take a walk up to the castle to eat them before heading home. It was nice. There was a spot somewhere near a church and a Marks and Spencer, if memory serves, where you'd usually spot some crusty with a guitar earnestly belting out Simon and Garfunkel songs.

This day was a rare treat as the spot was taken up by a rather smartly dressed man and his keyboard giving it his best Gary Numan. The problem with this guy was he never seemed to get through a complete song as, when he spotted a potential donor he'd quickly segue into whatever song he though would best get their attention and, more importantly, their money into his bucket. As we passed by clutching about four shopping bags apiece 'Are Friends Electric' quickly merged into "You're S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G..you're shopping!" accompanied by an encouraging wink, grin and nod towards the bucket. Pretty fucking cheesy but funny enough to get a few pennies from us.

We decided to sit by the church with our sandwiches to see what else he could come up with. Spotting a woman in a red dress approaching we prepared for the worst and were duly rewarded with the obvious. He managed to jump for Chris De Burgh to Come On Eileen with surprising ease on the approach of someone wearing dungarees (pretty tenuous) but I'll never forget the bemused looks he got from poor family he must've assumed were Japanese when he launched into The Vapors most famous (possibly only) hit. Why he felt the need to actually 'turn Japanese' during part of the chorus by pausing playing to free up his hands I'll never know. I don't know if his extra efforts got him any money that time as we'd already exited pretty sharpish.
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 10:12, 5 replies)

Bob-a-job
Oh yes and I would dress in my Cub Scout uniform and carry out household tasks for the neighbours in return for a 'bob'. Only I didn't give my earnings to the Scout movement, I spent them on Fighting Fantasy books. Given the latest roundup of peadophile Bageeras I was probably doing the world a favour.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:59, 1 reply)

Meditation CDs
I went through a phase of trying money-making schemes, and the least successful was my meditation/relaxation CDs. I found some whale noise wavs on the internet and looped them for an hour. Over the top I recorded some encouraging, relaxing words every 5 minutes or so. So it would sound like 'reeeoarrr.... Roooo! Roooowwwaaar YOU'RE TIRED! YOU'RE SO SLEEPY, roooooarrr roooowaar YOU'LL BE WANTING TO FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW... Reeoooaw BE AT PEACE!'
I sold one on ebay - my plan was to undercut the competition by selling them for marginally more than the cost of the blank CD. The result was 15p profit, one negative feedback and the comment 'can't be bothered to return this'.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:55, 9 replies)

Shabba Ranks (born , 17 January 17 1966) is a Jamaican dancehall musician from Sturgetown, St. Ann.
He received the nickname 'Shabba' (Jamaican Patois for "gay basher") from his stepfather, and 'Ranks' from the disc jockey slang for "in the closet".
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:44, 2 replies)

Gee, it's hot. Which reminds me of the time that I spent with the Saudi royal family at their home in Marbella.
They had men in the toilets to hold your cock whilst you pissed. I heard that some of them would even clean you up after a number two. And they gave him the keys to the Rolls Royce, hilarious. You see, he thought it meant he could have the Rolls Royce.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 9:22, Reply)

Send me your money
thank you
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Thu 17 Jul 2014, 0:37, Reply)

When I was about 12 an old lady who lived over the road paid me to hose her garden once a week
No, that's not a sexual euphemism. Get your mind out of the fucking gutter. Anyway, my brother and I thought this was such easy money we thought we'd go into business together doing odd jobs around the neighbourhood. We hand printed a flyer which simply said "Cumquat Brothers. We will do anything". Surprisingly in hindsight, we weren't nonced.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 16 Jul 2014, 23:02, 1 reply)