How to turn a good date into a bad one in 5 seconds flat....
I've done many jobs in career and looking back on my C.V I can be proud of what I've achieved. I've helped created new products which are used in industry, I've helped keep the utilities of the UK running and helped make sure that hospitals kept running. In short, career-wise, if I were to stop now, I can look at my C.V with a modicum of pride.

The same cannot be said of my dating life. That, people, is a mess that not even Aggie and Kim could clean up. I very rarely, if ever, ask a girl out. I used to get rejected for all sorts of reasons. Some of the zingers I've had over the years are too short, too tall, too old, too young, too ugly (at least she was honest), too smart (never been able to figure that one out, so I can't be THAT smart) and, my personal favourite, is this story.

I met a girl (let's call her Alex, not her real name, obviously) at my laundrette. She had gorgeous long blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and a smile that was the very defintion of the word "Beauty". I had to ask her out. I just HAD to. So, I got my small talk mouth on and went to work. I started off lightly ("washing machine broken? or is the 'elegant' decor that brings you here?") the progressed to the bigger guns ("So what you reading?"). I never said it was a sophisticated approach, just functional. Eventually, I managed to pluck the courage up and ask her out for a pint. Keep it informal. I asked and the girl from Del Monte she say "Yes!".

The day of the pint came round. I dressed causal (Jeans, Converse Baseball trainers and a black T-shirt) and headed to the pub. There she was drinking a vodka and lemonade. She smiled that smile again at me. I couldn't believe my luck that I'd got this lassie to come for a drink with me. I sauntered over ordered a round of drinks and we sat down. Now more talking. We chatted about music, films, travelling, you know, all the usual topics. Conversation was fluid, she even laughed at my rubbish jokes ("Sorry about your dog being poorly, that's 'ruff'"). Had I found my one true love? No. Because the next topic of conversation was about to bring all of this smashing into a Parisian tunnel wall, Princess Diana-stylee.

Alex: So are you into football?
Om Nom: No, not all. I support Newcastle United.

Seems like an innocent enough comment, right? WRONG! If I'd have gone out and committed the appalling Rwandan genocide again in front of her eyes, that would have been more forgivable than that previous comment.

The pint ended 15 minutes after that, we shook handed, said our goodbyes and I handed her my phone number "in case you want to hook up again as this was pleasant". Didn't hear from her for weeks. "What went wrong?" I kept asking myself. It went so well. I saw her again in the high street and said hello. There was a bit of small talk, but I had to ask her why I hadn't heard from her again. She gave me her answer...

Alex: You were really nice and funny, but I'm a Sunderland supporter. There's no way I could date a Newcastle fan.

And there, folks, is my favourite reason for rejection and why that was my worst date. To mess a date up because of the team I support is something I couldn't have possibly fathomed in a million years. I screwed a date up because I support a bunch of black and white donkeys who keep missing relegation by the skin of their teeth.

Since that episode, I vowed never to ask another girl out again as I couldn't deal with that level of humilation again. I often wonder "Am I mad"? Is this a phobia I should get over? Until I read a quote from the ever-funnyman, John Cleese, who said "An Englishman's greatest achievement is to go from cradle to grave without ever making a fool of himself."...
(Om Nom was fed with candy on, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 11:34, 11 replies)

And you're absolutely sure that it wasn't because you're the sort of unbearable bore who can drag a single-sentence anecdote to ten paragraphs?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 11:52, closed)

It's the boring anecdote equivalent of piston_broke's stand-up.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 17:46, closed)

awooga, what a rush!

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 18:04, closed)

Not worthy of a thread on its own.
So will plunk as a reply instead.
I'd met a lass at a fairly low-key gig in Sheffield. A mate was playing and I'd agreed to go so he had at least one person unlikely to boo him, plus I was giving him a lift home on the back of my bike.
Said lass was quite pleasant all night, but her shrieky mate was a little off-putting and now would be termed 'cockblocker' so we agreed to meet a couple of days later. Pre mobile 'phone era, so no contact before the night.
We met, I bought a couple of drinks and it began going wrong.
'Tonic water?, on its own?', Yes, I replied. I'm riding and alcohol doesn't mix too well with traffic and keeping a licence.
'Huh...Do you like football?, I support The Blades?' came the next question.
'Nope, can't bloody stand it. Cricket, rugby and motor racing for me'.
Dumped faster than a loose turd backed by explosive diarrhoea. 'WELL FUCK YOU THEN!' She screamed as she got up, knocking the table over in the process then stormed out the pub. Shocked looks cast my way. I just shrugged. KLANG! from outside as she kicked my bike over ( BITCH! ). Least successful date -ever- . One bloke followed me out to help pick the bike up. He asked what I'd said, I told him. He didn't seem at all surprised. I think I escaped lightly.
( moonbadger Doesn't judge a fish by its ability to climb trees, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 12:07, closed)

I think your post was more worthy of a thread than the OP's boring stream of consciousness.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 17:45, closed)

^This.
Although I'm still trying to work out whether the original post was another Star Wars story.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 20 Oct 2013, 19:27, closed)

Well, there was an early plea for more lesbianism in this week's responses,
and I think this thread will have to do.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 20:22, closed)

shrieking cock blocker
sounds like my ex as shes from Sheffield. Was her mate 4'8
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 16:11, closed)

I think the real reason was
because you dressed 'causal'.....
(Colonel Blink is now officially a pretentious prick, Sun 20 Oct 2013, 21:12, closed)

Sports casual?
he is Alan Partridge aicmfp
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 11:11, closed)

it worked though, he definitely "caused" something to happen there!!!!!

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 22:23, closed)