I had been talking to her online for few weeks
and then we finally arranged to meet up. I invited her over for dinner. I don't think my opening line came across as romantic as I had expected.
"Hang about, you're not the girl in your profile picture I've been wanking over!"
"No you nasty cunt, that's my mate. But you can fuck off, I'm off"
"Don't go, "I pleaded, "I'll get you a drink while you ask your mate to join us. I've got a short video I want to show you, and I have this old cup that was here when I moved in."
"Fuck you!" she suggested and stormed out. I ran to the door and called after her as she was going out the gate.
"What about if you motorboat my bollocks for a Bacardi Breezer and a scotch egg?", but she was gone.
Ah well, I have a backup date who'll be here in an hour. Plenty more fish in the sea. Must remember not to tell them that's what they smell like - the last one smelt like a condemned harbour. Still, the cat liked her anyway.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 9:47, 13 replies)

I have enclickened this.

( .Yeti., Mon 21 Oct 2013, 10:24, closed)

i thought you were a girl

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 10:35, closed)

Why?

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 15:00, closed)

your forum name is a bit girly

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 15:10, closed)

sandettie light vessel automatic
Sandettie - Sounds like a feminine sand paper brand.
Light - What women strive to be.
Vessel - Like a womb, according to Dan Brown.
Automatic - The only gear box a woman can't fuck up completely.
( Muns, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 15:53, closed)

^Clickin dis

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 22 Oct 2013, 11:22, closed)

Your massive moobs.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 21 Oct 2013, 19:43, closed)

massive moobs tiny cock that could be mistaken for a particularly robust clit
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:25, closed)

PHWOAR!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 21 Oct 2013, 20:40, closed)

With romance like that
it suggests that her standards are just way too high.
( Muns, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 13:22, closed)

'fuck you' she suggested!
I enjoyed this true story greatly
(Inflatable Giraffe Punctureless since 1985, Mon 21 Oct 2013, 21:11, closed)

have a click for
the last one smelt like a condemned harbour
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 22 Oct 2013, 9:29, closed)

At last ! An oasis of truth in the desert of sex lies that has been this week's QFTW
Have a click
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 22 Oct 2013, 11:20, closed)