Court Case
This didn't involve me but happened in my home town of Greenock and was reported in the newspaper.

Two cleaners were going to a job at 5am when they saw a man wanking up at his window. Shocked, they called the fuzz and the man was arrested.

The court case came up and the cleaners were asked what hand he was using to chug with. They both said the right.

The guy got off (way-hay) with it as his lawyer highlighted that because Mr.X was left handed he couldn't possibly have been masturbating.

As soon as the verdict was announced I asked my mates what hand they used for self gratification and some south paws used the right and some righty's used their left. The UK justice system eh!
(FUGAZI100 Mon The Ton, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 12:24, 5 replies)

Tut
Honestly, can't a man have a wank in (presumably) his own house without getting busted by the fuzz?

Actually same thing happened to a guy I used to work with, except he was pulling his plonker in open view at his bedroom window, in the daytime, knowing there was an office full of women just over the road. Of course they reported him and he got charged. In the end though it was a sad story as his defence was that he and his wife had been trying for a baby for years without success and he was depressed. They split up shortly afterwards.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 12:52, closed)

I know a bloke who did the wanking in the window thing,
in front of some schoolgirls.

He was prosecuted and punished in whatever way, I forget. He was stressed up because of his forthcoming wedding. His missus stuck by him and they're still together 30-odd years later.

Not much of an excuse, I thought, getting married!
He's worked as a cashier, serving the public, since I first knew him. Bet he wouldn't get that job now with a record for flashing. So, not such a disastrous wank really.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 13:51, closed)

Originally coming (way-hey) from that area myself
I've gotta say, that's probably the least horrendous thing they could've witnessed

Greenock - making the rest of Scotland look slightly better by comparison
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 13:13, closed)

Blimey!
I use both.
(dchurch bah, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 17:01, closed)

That is pathetic.
If you look into someone's home you shouldn't complain about what you see.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 18 Feb 2011, 18:45, closed)