Lowbrow
I'm lucky enough to have a girlfriend who, despite having lived in the UK for a few years, didn't quite get au fait with some of the more peculiar British customs. One such custom (I hope that I'm not coming across as a frightful weirdo here- please feel free to correct me if this isn't a custom at all) is feeling faintly triumphant after breaking wind particularly lavishly.

When we moved in together there came the awful realization that we would have to be in the proximity of each other even when at our least soigné. As the days went by I grew tired of running to the loo every time I needed to fart, and had to figure out the best way of broaching this delicate subject.

Eventually, I decided to bite the bullet. While we were gazing into each other's eyes on the sofa one day, I asked her, in my most debonair manner, to pull my finger. She complied, and what followed was my beautiful moment.

I let fly an absolute rip-snorter; one of those guffs which go down in legend and song. It started off with a basso-profundo growl, and then climbed in pitch, with occasional bird-like trills providing the soprano. Her eyes grew wide with wonder, then crinkled with glee as she realized the momentous event which was unfolding in front of her. Her beautiful face gasped with amazement and wonder as I loudly voided my bowels of foetid air.

It is probably the most enduring image I will have of her; the memory even trumps (ahaha) even her expression when I proposed to her on top of a wind-swept hill. In fact, I'm welling up even thinking about it.
(I grew it myself, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:37, 16 replies)

No, you're not being a weirdo
Visiting forrins always bring up in conversation the "strange British fart celebrations."
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:44, closed)

A bit more choke and she would have started

(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 21:24, closed)

You neglected to inform her of acceptable retorts
more tea, vicar?
there's fog in the bay tonight bosun
that duck's got bad breath
I name that tune in one

or precede it with

Our survey said..
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:50, closed)

I hear you, oh toothless one
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:55, closed)

precede it with:
"And now back to Davina in the studio"
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:57, closed)

"Is Mrs Brown at the window darling?"

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:32, closed)

I've always favoured...
...'Don't tear it, I'll take the whole piece',

or

'That works, now try your lights'.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Tue 10 Aug 2010, 14:10, closed)

"Speak on sweet lips which never told a lie"

(I grew it myself, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 15:33, closed)

And on that note...

(Frottage cheese, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 1:04, closed)

personally, I go with
"Your voice has changed, but your breath still smells", or
"Speak up Brown, you're through to Staines", or maybe
"Speak again O toothless one".
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 14:44, closed)

*click*
...for the image of proposing on "a wind-swept hill"

Any man who can fart while proposing deserves a click.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:56, closed)

Zing!
Oh zing indeed!
(I grew it myself, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 15:35, closed)

Mu husband and I...
...waited until our wedding day to lose the fart virginity.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:24, closed)

It would have been better if she'd have let rip with one of her own!
( Vambo, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:22, closed)

im clicking
I like this - purely for the answers....
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 16:35, closed)

My friend...
...my friend Tom would fart loudly and then say..."pick the bones out of that one," or "get out and walk."
(Woofie, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 22:00, closed)