Are you Davros' Granddad?
Well, yes, I am. But I sporadically caught episodes of 'Are you Dave Gorman' on the Beeb, and when I was looking for something light and fluffy to read in between text books on British politics, the NHS, public law and public sector governance (for my degree, y'see), this seemed to fit the bill when the book came out in paperback.

For those not familiar, it is the true tale of one man's oddessy to find other people in the UK called Dave Gorman, following a drunken bet in the pub with his mate Danny. The search rapidly expanded to Europe, and then the USA, and on, as our hero travelled over 25,000 miles across the world to meet his namesakes, shake their hand and have his photo taken with them. As well as being an example of somebody taking life by the scruff of the neck and going off and doing something a bit mental, and fundamentally pointless just to win a bet, it's also a good example of what a person can do with a bit of determination.

Oh, and it's bloody funny too, co-written with Danny Wallace, who's interjections throughout the book counterbalance Dave's general excitement and joy.

And so it led me to think the inevitable - what if there are other Davros' Granddads out there? I know for a fact that there is at least one, cos I worked with him a few years back, on the same section, and doing exactly the same job. Oh the confusion that caused when our respective wives would ring up, and the other one picked up the call - "Can I speak to DG please"?

"Speaking"

"No it isn't".

"Yes it is".

Etc.

Anyway, I had a good, long think about this, and felt it could be an interesting little project. Unfortunately, after about 10 minutes I suddenly remembered my chronic fear of debt and decided it wasn't really the best idea I'd ever had.

*Ponders existance of other DGs*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 21 May 2008, 9:42, 136 replies)

I would have thought
That "Davros' Grandad" is a fairly unusual name...
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 9:47, closed)

True
I am, of course, referring to my real name, which shall remain a closely guarded secret. Until the bash, anyway, at which I'm hoping everyone gets so drunk that nobody can remember anbody's name, therefore preserving the anonimity that b3ta offers.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 21 May 2008, 9:55, closed)

Haha,
I guessed that...

I'm just going to be "Kaol" at the bash, it's close enough to a real name.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 9:58, closed)

my real name
is Trevor.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 9:59, closed)

^
Nice tits, Trevor!

*ducks*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:02, closed)

^ I know that it isn't
You see, although I may have seemed drunk at the time, I was in fact being very clever and tipping half my pint away when no-one else was looking...

Not. Waste a pint? Me? Pah!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 21 May 2008, 10:02, closed)

^
I know your name too, mwhahaahaaahaaa.
And chickenlady's, PJM's, JTW's, BGB's, Enzyme's, maybe some other people's.

Edit: well thank you, K2k6. I don't do badly for a Trevor.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:04, closed)

I know
CHCB's name, and BGB's.

BGB knows mine.
But she's the only one.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:05, closed)

^
stalker! I only ever sign my gazzes with my middle name.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:07, closed)

^ All the
Gazzes I get from you seem to end in "Stop sending me messages you wierdo".
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:10, closed)

no!
I sign them "please bring cable ties and anything else that hurts"
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:13, closed)

Oh yeah...
Sorry, getting you confused with Enzyme.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:15, closed)

My uncle's called Trevor
You're not .....

No, that would be too strange.

*shudders*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:16, closed)

Also
some of you clever people may be able to guess my real name, or at least the first part of it. And once you know the first part there are only a few options for the ending, and as a clue it is not the same as a curly haired stand up comedian, but it could be similar to a certain "windy" snooker player.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:20, closed)

@al
you're Ronnie O'Sullivan, AICMFP!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:22, closed)

@Kaol
How do you know that CHCBs gazzes to me end with the "Stop sending me messages" demand?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:24, closed)

Damn you uncle trevor
you guessed it.

*hands over five pounds*

*burns another fifty just because I've earned so much money playing snooker*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:24, closed)

Al
Higgins?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:25, closed)

Penguin!
No! He's Graeme Dott.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:26, closed)

I was wondering
how CHCB worked that out so quickly.

Then I remembered about Ronnie "Fartypants" O'Sullivan and it made perfect sense!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:26, closed)

Actually you're all wrong
I was named after Vivienne "Stiff Breeze" Mcwurtlegoatfucker. Which is somewhat ironic given my choice of hobby.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:27, closed)

@Enzyme
I only said that that time when you told me what you wanted to do with a rock-cake, a bottle of wine, a Lone Ranger's mask and a bag of kittens.

If you'd just left the kittens out of it...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:27, closed)

I can't divulge that
Information I'm afraid, Enzyme.

*coughs* Dual Identity *coughs*
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:29, closed)

@Kaol
Ah, well... in that case, I do know your real name after all. Silly me.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:31, closed)

I hate to divulge this
but Davros' Granddad's name is also Trevor.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:31, closed)

Wait a minute...
are you saying that the Daleks are descended from a bloke called Trevor?

So how the hell has the Doctor had so much bloody trouble with them over the years?

_{*May not be 100% true to Dr Who history*}
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:37, closed)

But i've seen DG's photo
and he looks nothing like my uncle.

looks a bit like my aunt mind.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:37, closed)

From the picture in his profile,
I thought DG looked more like Rik Mayal (sc?)

Saying that, I haven't seen your aunt.
(Belgaer is, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:39, closed)

Well Enzyme
Now you know...
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:39, closed)

I'd be suprised if you could miss my aunt actually
she was getting rather large last time I saw her, and she never stops talking.

That said I heard she recently lost a lot of weight. Which is nice to know.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:42, closed)

My name is...
*Gets distracted by pretty lights*

*Forgets what he was talking about*

*Mystery remains intact. Mostly*

*Ponders looking like al's aunt*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 21 May 2008, 10:43, closed)

Dammit
Now chcb knows my real name.

*tries to stop sweating*
Damn her and her persuasive ways...
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:44, closed)

Big as she may be,
I try to keep away from Geordieland and there's quite a few mountains in the way.

Edit: Nothing wrong with Geordies, but the most insane person I know lives there.
(Belgaer is, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:44, closed)

@Kaol
Persuasive? I guessed first go!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:46, closed)

heh heh heh
*makes pathetic schoolboy joke at the expense of the least weird member of his family in the vein of "Mountains? No that is my aunt ahahahahah!!!111!!!"*

*feels bad about what he just said*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:49, closed)

*gags chcb*
*hard*

So yeah, she got it out of me in the end, after an epic struggle of wills.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:49, closed)

@Kaol
you should have held out longer, I've heard she can get very persuasive.

If your in a car.

In a layby.

At night.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:50, closed)

@Kaol
I was only pretending to struggle to add to the fun.

@al - who said it was at night?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:50, closed)

Yeah, I was tempted to say
"Unless those mountains are your aunt?" but then I remembered the rule... You can insult your own family all you want, but not someone else's.
(Belgaer is, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:50, closed)

I'll never tell!
Back in Denmark, my real name is the Danish equivalent of 'John Smith'.

So, when I went to the graveyard a few years ago to see fa mor, the first grave I saw had

"Here Lies "_______"".

Nearly shit meself, I did.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:51, closed)

You may all know my real name.....
but you'll never know the real me. I am an enigma. *Looks mysterious while eating her banana*
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:51, closed)

Who is that mysterious
banana eating woman?

And what is she doing with that goat?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:54, closed)

@DiT
So what's your real name when you're not in Denmark?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:54, closed)

@ Enzyme
What I meant was:

My real name is the most common name in Denmark, rather like John Smith is purported to be here in the UK.

Better? :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:59, closed)

Hey,
I'm called Trevor too!

@BGB: Is it "Big-girl's-banana" by any chance?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:59, closed)

@Enzyme
well presumably it's "John Smith" and he just translates it when he's over there.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 10:59, closed)

DiT
Hamlet?

Sorry, that's a rotten joke.

/coat
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:00, closed)

@al, K2k6
I reckon it's Søren. All male Danes are called Søren. It's the law.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:04, closed)

Isn't that
A kind of cake?
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:05, closed)

@Kaol
that's Soreen, it's a yummy malty fruit loaf type thing. Spread a big thick layer of butter on it and just feel your arteries hardening.

Or if not your arteries, something at least.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:08, closed)

What are Danish men like?
I had one contact me on Facebook.

Edit! shit, I think he was called Soren also.
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:08, closed)

Yeah...
Salted butter always stiffens things up for me.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:09, closed)

I wish my name was Hamlet...
Favourite play and all that. But I have played 'The Dane', so that's something.

My name isn't Soren either. My Cousin got that one...

EDIT: BGB, we're all very laid back. And made of Lego. :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:09, closed)

Real names.
At the meetup, I think we should all stand in a big circle and take it in turns to say our real first-name preceded by an adjective that begins with the first letter of our name.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:18, closed)

^
That would be a bastard if you were called Zinedine though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:24, closed)

@ Mistaspakkaman
The number of times I've been asked to do similar things when meeting a new group of people - you know the thing, Tell us all something interesting about yourself, or, Give us your name and why you're here.

Every bloody time I open my mouth and out comes the same thing, and only once has someone realised I was just attempting a poor joke.

I always say...

Hello, my name is Chickenlady and I'm an alcoholic.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:27, closed)

It's okay chickenlady
you're amongst friends here. We understand. Everyone here has their own set of problems and it's great that you've admitted it to yourself. That's the first step after all.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:30, closed)

^ I know what you mean
I once started off a prestigious course in front of 1000 people (mostly 'Merkins) by standing on stage, camera focused in on me, saying "Hi, my name is Crackhouse and I'm a recovering archaeologist".
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:31, closed)

Thanks Al
I feel so much better now.

If I can go on and admit to my sex addiction I'll soon be on my way to recovery.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:32, closed)

^Haha
I say my name is Big-girl's-blouse and I'm a nymphamaniac.


At the party your always sure of company.
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:32, closed)

@ CHCB
I think the problem is that we turn to humour at times of stress and desperately hope that there'll be someone else who'll understand our strange way of looking at the world.

Fortunately [Look away now! Beware! Gushing Ahead!] b3ta is entirely made up of similar souls who also seem to be entirely socially inadequate.

Oh...that could be a title for a newsletter -
B3ta.com, internet home for the socially inadequate.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:35, closed)

Hi.
My name is Kaol, and they really are after me.

*twitches*
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:38, closed)

@chickenlady
I've heard that with some addictions the best way to recover is to totally immerse yourself in whatever it is so that you get sick of it in the end.

Now, just remember that I'm always willing to help.

EDIT - @CHCB so your first name is crackhouse and your surname is ceildhband. It's all making more sense now.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:39, closed)

My strange way of looking at the world
is not because of stress. I'm just strange.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:39, closed)

Further to chickenlady's post above
I attended a Presentation Skills course a few months back. It was probably the most useful CPD activity I've ever participated in. Even though I'm quite used to standing up and giving presentations/seminars/lectures etc, I'd never actually been shown how to do it properly.

I learned one thing that day which I found most important and useful. You know when you stand up and say something you don't mean to, because of nerves, brain misfiring or just general incompetence? Well, the skill there is to confidently make a joke of it and then just to move on without looking like a complete twat.

I can't say I've mastered it yet, but I don't look quite so daft quite so often.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:41, closed)

@poultrymadame re introducing self to new group of people
Whenever I anticipate I’m about to do something like that, I try and compose an attitude-laden self-psychoanalysis based on my latest insights into myself but I always chicken out and just say the basics (who I am, what I do, what I like etc.).
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:46, closed)

@ K2k6
I often get asked to stand up and give presentations or talk to lots of people....probably because they *know* I'll make a fool of myself.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:46, closed)

@ Mistaspakkaman
I do it because I'm essentially a narcissist.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:47, closed)

I'm generally quite a shy person
When in a room full of strangers (like a meeting or a course) I tend not to say a great deal. However, on occasions, for sheer devilment and when I think the others present can take it, I will try and interject with the most inappropriate and off the wall remarks just to see what happens, usually preceeded by something completely serious and on topic. Or finish other peoples sentences for them with something completely inappropriate when they start floundering, and watch as the room disintegrates into chaos.

Small things like that keep me sane.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 21 May 2008, 11:52, closed)

*Is now expecting DG to be as sweary and innapropiate as Tourettes*

(Belgaer is, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:56, closed)

.
Hello, my name is <mistaspakkaman> and the reason I'm strange is because I was shy as a teenager and used my weird imagination to fill the gaps in my worldview that resulted from not having participated in enough conversations.

How's that?

_{PS. I'm still a bit shy.}
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 11:57, closed)

Shyness is a strange thing
I can quite happily play keyboard on stage in front of hundreds or even thousands of people, or stand up and address a large audience at a conference.

But in a meeting with a handful of people, I'll say little or nothing.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:00, closed)

Sadly
I'm the one hogging the conversation, generally trying to be the centre of attention and insisting it's all Me,Me,Me,Me!

I'd love to tell you all that I'm shy and retiring. I'd only be lying to you and to myself.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:05, closed)

Oh great...
So, to cut a long story short, everyone at the QOTW bash is shy.
Apart from me?

EDIT and chickenlady.
Good.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:06, closed)

@ Belgaer
I can be just as sweary and inappropriate, yes.

And I'm only shy in certain situations. That won't be the case at the bash... because I fee like I know you all anyway.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 21 May 2008, 12:10, closed)

So, Kaol, it'll be you and I
dancing on the tables and shouting out inappropriate things at the bar staff then?


Good.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:13, closed)

@chickenlady
Do you sometimes feel a bit frustrated that because you seem to end up hogging the conversation, it's impossible for people who only know you casually to not be aware that you are indeed shy and that your conversational bubble is in fact masking your true self? It is possible to be both shy and appear to have a bubbly personality at once.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:14, closed)

Well...
I'll be dancing on the barstaff and shouting at the tables, but yeah, more or less.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:15, closed)

.
I think that because we post so much about ourselves here that we can use some of our recollections about the utter filth that we post here to break through the shyness. I'll soon be joining Kaol, Poultrymadame and Davvy G on the tables (and the barstaff too if it comes to that).
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:18, closed)

Mistaspakkaman
I do sometimes hear that little voice in my head saying, "Shut up! It's not all about you, you know! Let someone else talk for a change!"

But I never listen to it.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:26, closed)

@chickenlady
And I think the world would be a little worse off if you ever did listen to that voice.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:31, closed)

@Al
Do you think I should stop listening to the voices?
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:32, closed)

Yes Kaol
You should stop listening to the voices.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:33, closed)

Ok.
I never liked them telling me what to do anyway.
Don't do this, don't do that.

Fuckers.

I'll kill whoever I want, whenever I want now.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:35, closed)

Kaol
My voices aren't that violent...occasionally they'll tell me to be really unkind or rude to someone.

Bastard voices.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:41, closed)

My voices
Tell me to do nice things.
And not to do bad things that I think about.

But I think Al's right.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:45, closed)

My voices also have the unfortunate habit of repeatedly saying
"Step away from the shoes! Step away from the handbag! Think of your bank balance!"

Or more amusingly when I'm in town and watching the people go by,

"Do you own a mirror in your house? Yes your bum does look big in that. Eat less pies."
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:52, closed)

People with absolutely massive arses
who insist on wearing lycra make me chuckle. Me and the Mrs often point out particularly funny ones to each other.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 12:54, closed)

*waves arm*
Me! ME! I'm not shy.
I'm exactly the same in real life as I am on here. Ask anyone*

*(anyone who has met me)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:11, closed)

^
This could be fun then...
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:13, closed)

So in real life
you are a serial masturbating, bioethicist grooming, whelk wrestling, whoopin hoopin paint stripperin, friggin messiahin dogger?

I cannot bloody wait until august!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:16, closed)

@al
"you are a serial masturbating, bioethicist grooming, whelk wrestling, whoopin hoopin paint stripperin, friggin messiahin dogger?"

I prefer to keep my serial masturbation out of the public real-life realm; the bioethicist doesn't object in the slightest; the whelk wrestled, not me (oh, Rocky!); whoopin and hoopin I can manage; I'm decorating this weekend; respect my religious authority; and it wasn't dogging as there wasn't an old man leaning in the window, and anyway Enzyme was too busy reading Heat magazine and eating rock-cakes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:21, closed)

I've met
CHCB and it's all true.

We're all exactly as we appear on here.

Well, apart from the grammar nazi thing - I don't correct people's speech, but I have been known to alter the odd poster here and there.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:25, closed)

Well in that case
I look forward to meeting a slightly paint spattered messianic figure who whoops and hoops. And I shall keep a copy of heat to hand in case you start trying to take advantage of me.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:26, closed)

@chickenlady
I would love it if you brought a red pen with you and corrected peoples faces if they said something grammatically incorrect.

I'm a bit worried about meeting Enzyme in case I say something that may be indefensible in an argument (probably most things that fall out of my mouth to be honest) and he tears me apart.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:28, closed)

The red pen
can just be stuck in the offender's mouth.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:34, closed)

Or
up there their bottom

*winces*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:42, closed)

Hmm...
I shall now consider coming armed with red pens in order to punish offenders.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:44, closed)

I seem to be good at
setting up Al to lower the tone. Perhaps Al and me could do a double-act at the meetup where we help others shed the pretence of being there for the intellectual discussion.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:54, closed)

Woo 100!
Nothing to say, but I just thought I'd go for the 100th reply.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 May 2008, 13:55, closed)

Grrrrrrr
I was going for that.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 14:00, closed)

102
It's the new 100.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 14:12, closed)

yeah
whatever Kaol.

You smell of chips.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 14:21, closed)

That's because
I had chips for lunch.
Dur.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 14:25, closed)

Huh
I wanted an orange. But I left it on the coffee table in my lounge.

I miss that orange.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 14:28, closed)

Al...
I'm with you on this one. In fact now that you came out publicly and said you agreed with me (on the mad thread) I'm with you on any one.


*Stalks*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 14:29, closed)

I bet
That orange won't be where you left it when you get home...
Sneaky bastards, oranges are.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 14:32, closed)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Okay.


And breathe.


Thank you. Got that off my chest now.

Carry on.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 15:19, closed)

Edited out.
(Belgaer is, Wed 21 May 2008, 15:20, closed)

No
it's some gormless cunt on another thread.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 15:21, closed)

Ah right,
which one?
(Belgaer is, Wed 21 May 2008, 15:23, closed)

this little bad boy
www.b3ta.com/questions/books/post162590#post162848
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 15:25, closed)

@chickenlady
Never mind that thread. Come back to this one to relax. It's 4pm soon.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 15:40, closed)

@Chickenlady
Yeah, come on. Write us some of your cliterature for use at 4.

And CHCB and HLT too, if you wish to contribute...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 May 2008, 15:41, closed)

Sorry folks - I was off doing other stuff at the appointed hour
But I did write some bits and pieces - mainly cake related on HLT's thread last night...I'll see if I can find it.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:28, closed)

Ooooo
HLTs cake sex thread was nice. I enjoyed all the contributions to that one.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:36, closed)

^ ^
Same here (pity I wasn't around for it - cake sex is just my cup of tea and the SM is just the icing on the cake).
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:39, closed)

@ Al
Apart from mine...
Haha!
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:40, closed)

@kaol
Are you sure you were drunk when writing that?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:40, closed)

Very sure.
Not throwing-up-on-people drunk, but I'd had the best part of a half-bottle of vodka that night.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:42, closed)

I think Kaol was hiding behind the
cloak of drunkenness in order to say what he really wanted...a common excuse.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:43, closed)

.
I prefer to hide behind the cloak of my silly username.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:46, closed)

I like to hide behind
an actual cloak, and then jump out on people when they think I'm the curtains.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:49, closed)

I hide behind nothing!
The alcohol merely spurred me to join in the writing fun, along with impure thoughts of chcb.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 16:52, closed)

Is it possible to have
any other sort of thoughts about CHCB? I always find her inherently impure. Indeed, almost christ-like in her impurity.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:01, closed)

@al
Well, she did get married in your dream and that inspired me to briefly have a pure thought about her.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:06, closed)

Not Christ-like
She doesn't look like a cheap tranny with a beard.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:06, closed)

@ Kaol
Well, apart from that time when she and I....

Erm....

No, she doesn't look like a cheap tranny in a beard, you're right.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:10, closed)

What's going on?
I've been away and I don't understand anything anymore.
:C

*cries*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:12, closed)

Right...
Al had a dream about CHCB getting married to one of his friends.

I wrote a very short piece of "erotic prose" which nobody seemed to expect.

The London Bash was organised.

TheGoat annoyed people with some polical-type mumbling.

We missed you.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:19, closed)

Don't cry Bert
Enzyme had his shopping list written by a cache of monks whilst his turkish boy brushed his crushed velvet smoking jacket. Meanwhile theweewitch sat between her husbands feet and polished his hard hat because he was so very very diry from the days labouring. I dozed and dreamt about being invited to CHCBs wedding at which point Kaol and CHCB started getting into some serious cable tie style S&M. Then some silly twat started saying that we don't have to obey the law and got chickenlady all riled up (and not in the good way) I admitted to reading terrible books and humpt dumpty pointed and laughed at me. I cried, felt small, and then did a sex wee on you.

Edit - Dammit Kaol. Yes and we missed you terribly.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:21, closed)

Ahh....
It's refreshing to be back.

@Kaol Where is your story?

@al drop trow (or trough, I don't know which refers to trousers) and give me twenty.

What was the bit about chickenlady getting riled up? Where are these things?!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:23, closed)

if you scroll up a bit
you'll see I linked to the goats thread earlier.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:26, closed)

That's some
text-heavy shit right there, yes sireebob.

I hope you lowered the tone with some goat, soiled monkey and Lesley Crowther bumming references?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:35, closed)

My story
Is somewhere in www.b3ta.com/questions/books/post161955 there.
( Cawl, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:41, closed)

@al & kaol
Don't forget that Al's dream inspired me to do a 'shop of CHCB.

Oh and welcome back.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 21 May 2008, 17:47, closed)