Birthday Break-up
Thirty-odd years ago, I was friends with some people who existed in a bit of a social bubble. They all seemed to go out with each other and would confide all the shenannigans to me. I have no idea why. I'm rubbish at this stuff. As they found out. *cringe*

I got invited to a big birthday party. Just how posh this party was I still can't quite comprehend. I got picked up at the train station by people I'd not met before. Apparently I was staying in *their* huge country house over night with a few other stragglers who'd not thought to inherit houses locally.

The party itself was in an even bigger house surrounded by temporary tents and marquees. There was booze everywhere. There was dancing. It was hours before I even met the host, so when I did, I was plastered. I wished him Happy Birthday. He introduced me to his girlfriend...

...and then I expressed surprise because I thought he was going out with someone else? Tumbleweed rolled. There were tears. There was swearing. I was an idiot. I tried to leave.

Except I couldn't - I had to wait for the family putting me up to leave and take me back to their house whilst hiding from murderous relatives of both sides of the now destroyed relationship.

There's now an entire COUNTY of posh people who hate me.
( chthonic, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 12:38, 24 replies)

^ r

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 13:37, closed)

Excellent work.
This is how we'll smash the system.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 13:44, closed)

By preventing them from breeding?

( chthonic, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 13:49, closed)

I expect the ever decreasing gene pool will help too.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 13:51, closed)

Alright, Hugh Grant

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 13:47, closed)

Well played on upsetting a bunch of Tarquins.
More of this sort of thing.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 13:51, closed)

Otters??

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 16 Sep 2013, 14:05, closed)

Why I otter...
*shakes fist*
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 14:11, closed)

*is stoatally amused*

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 15:31, closed)

^weasely the best pun yet.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 15:34, closed)

Mustelid always end like this?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 20:09, closed)

It's inevitable, if you know what ermine.

(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 0:01, closed)

There was sum-mink else I was meaning to say aswell...

(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 0:04, closed)

'kine 'ell
You need to marten up your act a bit.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 0:19, closed)

I was ferreting over whether they were good enough.

(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 2:02, closed)

Wh-otter've I done?
Bloody pun threads.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 11:09, closed)

I always think of them as related to Sequins.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 14:21, closed)

Have you met my wife and sister?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 18:49, closed)

She's a very nice lady.
Incestulolz.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 20:07, closed)

Nice of you to spell out the joke for everyone.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 20:19, closed)

Don't you bully me.
I've got man flu.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 20:28, closed)

I've got the shits.
Are we playing Infection Top Trumps?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 9:01, closed)

Be careful with your trumps if you've got the shits

( skullfunkerry In case of implosion do not look into implosion, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 10:37, closed)

Quite.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 11:41, closed)

I did a dangerously powerful cough just now.
If my bowels had been troubled I'd probably be looking for my old slippers by now.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 11:51, closed)

I have.
She's very nice.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 12:44, closed)