The Bullshits of Taylor
My friend Taylor is one of the most prolific peddlers of bullshit I've ever known. Amongst other things, he has claimed that;

- Pulling someone's hair in a certain way is so painful that you can make them tell you anything you want by doing it. (Despite the fact that when he tried this on me, the only information I gave him was that he was really annoying)

- The aforementioned technique doesn't work on him though, because he got beaten up by his dad so much as a child that he's now immune to pain.

- In fact, he knows all the best ways to incapacitate people, and if there was another world war, he'd be a general because he has all the strategies.

- The reason some people need to wear glasses is because their parents aren't married. This is a fact. If they are married and their offspring have glasses, it means they'll be 'on the split-up' soon.

- Being a vegetarian is just as ethically wrong as eating meat because "When you pull a carrot out the ground, you're killing it just the same as when you shoot a ferret in the head."

- He is plainly better at maths than another friend, who has a 1st-class master's degree in statistics and is now studying for a Phd. Taylor, by contrast, never even did A-levels. And also, most bafflingly of all;

- He can't read or write. When we queried how he can send us texts and emails, be on Facebook constantly, and have completed every Metal Gear Solid game multiple times, he said "I get my brother to read it all for me."

Seriously, what? The mind boggles at the nonsense this guy serves up...
(Uncle Comrade, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 18:08, 6 replies)

The carrot harvest is a hollocaust!
Reverend Maynard was told this.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 18:21, closed)

How old is this guy?
I thought this was a tale from the playground until you mentioned the friend doing a PhD.
(The man with the flan swashed his buckle on, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 20:55, closed)

He will be 23 this year.
It's pretty shocking really.
(Uncle Comrade, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:11, closed)

I knew
a Taylor at my school also, something of a bully yet with a strange dislike of carrots chopped horizontally (vertical slices were OK though) - he cried like a girl when someone put vinegar on his pudding. Looking back, my schooldays were full to the brim with twats!
(Suomi_Finland_Perkele knocking 256 shades of shit out of your screen on, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 21:30, closed)

There was also the time
he tried to convince someone that Taylor was his first name and surname, so that his full name was Taylor Taylor. I'm not sure why, since nobody believed that for a second.

And the time he got really cross because I doubted his claim to be an expert on dogs. Apparently I'm not allowed to know about dogs because I have cats? wtf?
(Uncle Comrade, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 22:26, closed)

...he eats ferrets?

( sleepybinky, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 16:39, closed)