Which one of these is bullshit?

1) Magnus Magnusson once asked me for my autograph;

2) I once woke up and found that, overnight, my skin had turned to scales, all over my body - so that I looked like a reptile;

3) My ex-girlfriend was a stripper, but I had to break up with her because she kept doing her act in front of my mates

4) My dad is a minister in the Church of Scientology

?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:08, 28 replies)

Give it up moon monkey
It's all a load a shit as well you know
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:12, closed)

No, just for a change, three of these are actually true
It's a game I like to play with people, eg at parties, but it's only fun if you use true things - and convince them that they are BS
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:17, closed)

Right, having a bit of eczema on your arm does make you a fucking lizard
A stripper for a girlfriend is one of QOTW's oldest lies, to impress the other liars who've never touched a girl in real life either. Magnus Magnusson would recognise you as a cunt straight off, so would hardly be after your autograph. Your old man whilst being a cunt as well, was never waki enough to join the Scientologists, so that resolves that.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:28, closed)

Obviously you are free to doubt
But a little later I will reveal the answer, and give details of the others.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:30, closed)

Right ho I'll sit here in feverish anticipation

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:33, closed)

Sadly, I believe that you will.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:44, closed)

Alright Rev Fister, do us a favour
Can you please tell emvee that he's still a cunt, he's got me on ignore you see and told the internet all about it.







Cheers
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:11, closed)

Can't you just gaz him?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:30, closed)

It's a safe bet that if you have someone on ignore you won't be able to read their spiteful gazzes either

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:46, closed)

So you admit you're spiteful then?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:51, closed)

It's my default setting

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:58, closed)

4

(Scary Ghost, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:12, closed)

I agree
4.
If so, then moon monkey would most likely be under Scientology control and therefore wouldn't be posting on here.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:24, closed)

I don't believe you're really a monkey
nor are you from the moon
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:25, closed)

Ah, you have me there, sir
Luckily neither of those were in the list.

Strangely, it seems that half the active B3tans have "Monkey" in their moniker - something I only noticed AFTER I'd signed up... What's THAT about?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:28, closed)

Seems the other half are "something badger"

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:04, closed)

I contest this assessment of the facts.

( barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 16:07, closed)

Yeah, what he said ^^

( snee held his breath since, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 13:52, closed)

brother
i also have monkey in my name
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:39, closed)

4
or 1. But I'm sticking with 4.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 14:53, closed)

And the truth is....
as follows:

1) TRUE. I was a guest on a Johnny Vaughan TV program, "Live At Jonny's", in a Mastermind spoof. Magnus Magnusson - an all round top bloke, it turns out - was in the habit of getting anyone he worked with to sign his script. So I did.

2) TRUE. It was a rare form of Psoriasis, called Guttate Psoriasis. Little scales all over my body, and a bed like a snow storm every morning. And it really did appear overnight, which was something of a shock on a messy come-down, I can tell you.

3) FALSE. Well actually I DID go out with a stripper (that was a cunning double-bluff to make you think it was too obvious), but she was too shy (!) to actually do her act in front of anyone who wasn't a complete stranger. Yes, she was a crazy, messed up girl, but she was fit, shagged like a bunnyrabbit and drank like a sailor, so I didn't mind too much.

4) TRUE. I spent a lot of my childhood at Saint Hill, the UK Scientology headquarters. But despite what you read, I never saw anything dodgy - it was more like a bunch of hippies than an evil cult. And my folks are not ones to force their kids to believe something just because they do - we were taught to work it out for ourselves.

.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:09, closed)

and now rory is speechless
Because he really is a useless twat. But he livens things up a bit, so I like him. The AB alter ego he is.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:36, closed)

Oh, I expect he'll have something to say
Something positive and constructive, as usual
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:46, closed)

Don't forget hilarious

(TheColonel, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:54, closed)

Alrite qotw fanboi's

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 15:58, closed)

Hahahaha there it is!

(TheColonel, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 16:36, closed)

Fair play.
Some decent mini-anecdotes, nicely told, and the eventual bullshit is well-executed.

Worth the microscopic effort involved in navigating my mouse cursor to the relevant area of the screen and left-clicking, if you ask me.

*ignores*
( barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 16:00, closed)

If you condense a bunch of incidents into one post it does seem a trifle unlikely
but if they're actually spread out over a number of years then less so. If you add all the things I've managed to do over the last 20 years into a single paragraph it sounds like the stuff of a BS artist, and yet it aren'tn't.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 14 Jan 2011, 18:50, closed)