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This is a question Bullshit and Bullshitters

We've had questions about lies and liars in the past, but this time we're asking about the sort of fantasist who constantly claims they've got a helicopter in the garden or was "second onto the balcony at the Iranian Embassy siege". Tell us about the cobblers you've been told, or the complete lies you've come out with.

Thanks to dozer for the suggestion

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 12:55)
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I'm going to be the only one
With the balls to admit that I am the bullshitter.

Yes, it's true. This isn't a story about "this guy at work" or "my friend."

I make up lies and tell them to people. Not big ones, that's how you get caught. I don't do it because it makes me feel like an important person or because I desperately want people to think I'm better than I am. I usually do it when I am at a bar/party and don't know anybody because it is far more entertaining to me to make up a persona and try not to blow my cover than to stand around answering the same "what's your job," "Where are you from," "Who do you know here" questions with everyone I meet.

Some of my favorites:

I am the guy who changes the giant numbers on the scoreboard at Fenway Park.

At a bar, I pretended I was a bereaved Irishman, accent and all (I'm American) here to attend my dead uncle Seamus' funeral. I had 2 friends with me who kinda-sorta knew what was up, and I put them on the spot all night by asking them to sing my poor dead Seamus' favorite song, or to share their favorite memories of him. We kept the ruse going all night and nobody caught on.

Another time a friend and I pretended to be German tourists who spoke no English, and we communicated with each other all night in Teutonic-sounding gibberish. The peak of the night was when we ordered "eine schnapps, bitte" and some redneck walks over and takes our shots away from us saying: "AW hell naw, we don't drink that shit here, you gotta drink some Jack Daniels!" And proceeded to order us Jack Daniels all night long. Our ruse was discovered when some snooty German major had the gall to tell us that we weren't actually speaking German. We legged it right the hell out of there!

There are many more, and I'll post them if I remember them. I love doing ones that involve accents because it really forces you to be in character the whole time, but also increases the risk of being caught. If I do get caught, I'll come clean and say, "Yeah, I was fucking with you the entire time, I am never going to see you again and it is more fun that small talk." It's somewhat intimidating at first, but I would recommend trying it at least once, it really is great fun.
(, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 21:16, 5 replies)
I've done the accent thing a few times
Me and a mate used to do a good east European gibberish. Sounding like you're having a laugh makes it all the more convincing. Though walking round Tesco you do get the 'bloody immigrants' looks
(, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 22:07, closed)
You're not wrong there!

(, Fri 14 Jan 2011, 22:20, closed)
My mate and I
Have a similar game where we go out and attempt to convince people we're dolphin trainers.
I can make it believable but he being a fat fuck, struggles somewhat.
I agree whole-heartedly though, its a lot more fun than the usual boring small talk and can often lead to free drinks when people realise you're messing with them (providing they got a good laugh out of it)
(, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 16:14, closed)
I tell people
That I'm a biscuit designer. Bourbons? Yeah, they're one of mine.
(, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 17:42, closed)
See I can understand this
and can completely get wanting a break from the same old questions. Have done similar myself but not with accents, can't pull them off.

I think the bullshitters are the friends/acquantainces that tell lies, get caught out, but try and continue the bullshit rather than admitting the lie.
Your stylee is just funny
(, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 22:23, closed)

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