Me, myself and I
I sit opposite a girl who uses 'myself' instead of 'me' in every possible instance. It's 9.10 am and I've already heard:

'I believe it was myself you spoke to'
'If you could just pop an email over to myself'
'If you're going to the Special K bar machine can you get one for myself'

I know in some circumstances it's fine but it sounds so pompous. Also, you know when you just fixate on one thing - a mole on someone's chin, for example - and then that's all you can focus on? All I can hear in an office full of 30 people, piercing through the general phone and conversation noise, is 'myself'.

I'm either going to piss in her tea, put Tipp-Ex on her spider plant or stab her in the arsecheek with a biro.
(dancebiscuits, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:16, 10 replies)

Try simply telling her, quietly and calmly
That you'd rather she didn't use the phrase, and that you know where she lives.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:17, closed)

Piss on her arsecheek, put Tipp-Ex in her tea, and stab her spider plant.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:19, closed)

"I know in some circumstances it's fine"
No it shittingly well isn't.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 9:44, closed)

Oh, right then.
I'll put the Tipp-Ex away and get the napalm out then. It's justified.
(dancebiscuits, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 10:10, closed)

Napalm is the only reasonable response to the misuse of the reflexive personal pronoun.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 10:19, closed)

"A" reflexive personal pronoun.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 10:21, closed)

Nope: the.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 10:35, closed)

No YOUR mum.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:17, closed)

Talking of mums
T'other day I heard:

'Your mum's so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought it was the end of Eastenders'

Not about my actual mum though, she's quite slim
(dancebiscuits, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:23, closed)

Like this you mean?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2hbmSuqSvA

Never fails to make me laugh.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 15 Apr 2010, 11:28, closed)