Australian call centre fun
Back in the mists of time (1997) when I was backpacking round Teh World, I picked up a job at a call centre in Melbourne. It wasn't too bad to be honest (apart from the week when a select few of us had to do cold calling) - half the staff were backpackers with a sense of humour and the phones weren't ringing off the hook all the time.

Vague memories include:

1. When we (backpackers) all turned up en masse from an agency, one of the incumbent Aussie staff was a (hideously ugly) transvestite, who seemed to think he could get away with being abusive to customers, turning up late and/or pissed and generally doing fuck all, because management would be too PC to fire him. He was wrong.

2. When we were being trained how to use the computer system, one of the managers got us to send a test email each to prove we knew what we were doing. When one of the girls wrote "Torsten is the dog's bollocks" (for that was his name), we all had to explain that it was actually a compliment to save her being fired on the spot.

3. One of the junior managers was a lot more laid-back than the rest and pretty fit to boot - I'd take every opportunity to help her with any computer-related problems as it was a chance to flirt and skive, and she'd account for me being logged off for half an hour or more as "training".

4. The big boss was incredibly fit (think David Brent's boss in The Office but with extra sultry sex appeal). Way out of my league, so I was well pissed off when I heard somebody else had rooted her (to use the local vernacular).

5. One day , the customer we were working for put an advert in all the major Australian newspapers offering cheap phone calls to the other major cities. Some middle-aged/old woman from Hobart phoned up absolutely incensed that while Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Perth were all included, we'd "forgotten about Tasmania again", and how it was a motherfucking disgrace, she and her neighbours were treated like second-class fucking citizens etc. etc. I couldn't get a word in edgeways, so listened to a 10-minute tirade peppered with more profanity than I thought possible, then politely explained that the offer was for calls to *other* cities (as only Telstra were allowed to offer local calls at the time), and somebody in, say, Sydney, would see Hobart in their ad but not their own city. She apologised.

6. When we were cold-calling people to offer them cheap international calls, the token Aussie in the group managed to win just about every incentive (usually alcoholic) going, by signing up way more customers than the rest of us. It was only when we voiced our suspicions and a supervisor listened in that it turned out he was managing to get just enough personal details off somebody (sometimes even a credit card number) to sign them up when they'd agreed to absolutely nothing.

7. The same guy came in one day off his tits on some illicit pharmaceutical or another. It wasn't obvious in his physical behaviour, but as I was sitting next to him I soon realised that he'd thought of a comparison he was quite chuffed with, so every time he spoke to a customer he somehow managed to squeeze in the statement "it's just like wanking with a cheese grater".

Happy days? For small values of happy, maybe.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 13:32, 3 replies)

Dogs bollocks for rooted
Sounds like a great cultural exchange.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 13:37, closed)

Yes
Although I never did get to exchange any cultures, if you know what I mean.

I wish I could remember the full phrase he kept repeating. Something like "It's just like wanking with a cheese grater - it's ... but at the end of the day ..."
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 13:50, closed)

sounds like
when i worked for state debt in sydney....about that shit with the threat of violence from taxi drivers
(mermaeve is very trying, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 22:34, closed)