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This is a question What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

Ever thought that you could get flushed down the loo? That girls wee out their bottoms? Or that bumming means two men rubbing their bums together? Tell us about your childhood misconceptions. Thanks to Joefish for the suggestion.

(, Wed 18 Jan 2012, 15:21)
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Swivel on it, punk…

The present Mrs Pooflake is a remarkable woman. Not just for the fact that she heroically puts up with a mongo-dongboil like me every day, but during her worktime she busies herself looking after ickle kiddiewinks at our local school.

She’s a teaching assistant – and only yesterday she had to deal with a cheeky young lad in her class who whilst playing outside, had bumped the tip of his finger. (Not quite in a ‘Paul Daniels’ way, you understand, but still…poor lamb.)

Anyhoo, after his ‘oops-a-daisy’, he bravely kept the tears in and did the right thing by immediately approaching my missus and requesting aid. This is all innocent enough, but the child in question had bumped his middle finger – the one I think we all know is quite commonly used as an insult when extended as a gesture amongst certain folk. Yet, with a gritted enthusiasm, this boy ran up to my missus, promptly ‘flipped her the bird’, and exclaimed: ‘Look at this!’

Thusly, with the saintly tenderness of a young Florence Nightingale, Mrs Pooflake exclaimed “Pffffft! Ha Haaa!”, before regaining her composure and checking that everything was ok. However, once the child was on the mend, she couldn’t resist the opportunity to share. “Sid, could you please tell the teacher about how brave you’ve been?” She asked, and then quietly chuckled to herself as the boy gleefully bounded up to the teacher, shoved his chubby digit into her mush and squawked ‘”How about this, Mrs B!”,

“Pfffffffft!” inevitably snorted Mrs B with a dazzling professionalism. She then, quick as a flash, conjured up a plan so dastardly that it could be deemed an omen of the apocalypse. She continued: “…erm…I mean,…there there Sid! Well, it seems Mrs Pooflake has done a good job seeing to your injury, but I still think it could do with a ’spinning’ to make it properly better…”

You can see where this is going…

The boy then quite reasonably asked what the shuddering knacksticks this ‘spinning’ lark was all about. “Oh, don’t worry” explained the teacher. “…it’s a harmless medical treatment, and I think Mr J next door is an expert at it - let’s go and ask!”

Mrs B then took the young lad and escorted him to the adjoining classroom, before tapping on the door and stepping away. Mr J, the gruff, no-nonsense enforcer then approached the door and opened it, whereby he was promptly given the finger by a small child who followed it up by declaring: “Can you spin on this, please?”

Mr J, was initially quite dumbfounded, and was about to tear the startled little dude a new arse before he noticed a chortling Mrs B, nearly doubled up with mirth in a heap by the coat rack.

Not content with this win, Mrs B then approached the pair, apologised for the mistake, and with a ‘wink’ to Mr J, explained that she had just remembered that it was in fact Mr D, the deputy head, who was the school appointed ‘spinner’.

She then busied herself for the few minutes or so, taking the poor bemused child round half a dozen stunned members of staff, just so they could be subjected to obscene finger gestures and insults whilst she desperately tried to avoid pissing herself laughing.

Yep, that what your tax pounds are spent on folks...enabling hardworking educational staff and the like to utilise the injury of a small child for their own puerile amusement…makes you feel proud.

And of course, in the end, young Sid never did get the ‘extra treatment’ that the increasingly unsympathetic teachers neglected to give him. I wonder if he asked his parents when he got home?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 10:16, 50 replies)
That gets a click from me
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 10:19, closed)
Thank you...

I realise it's a bit of a tenuous link to the QotW, (as I'm not actually involved in any way) but after the present Mrs PF told me of this last night I thought I just had to post about it.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 10:24, closed)
I see you have Mrs Flake well trained
She can have a *click* from me!
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 10:27, closed)
Being married to me...

She doesn't so much deserve a click, as a nobel prize for coping with fuckwittery.

But I will pass this on to her :)
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 10:30, closed)
Have a click you wonderful man/woman/hermaphrodite.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 10:28, closed)
If your Mrs got my daughter doing things like that at school,
I'd report her and have her fired.
I'm assuming this is bullshit as there is no way the other teachers would have gone along with it, for fear of being fired themselves.
Edit/Add on: I sincerely hope the child went home, flipped his parents the bird, told them to spin on it, and then told them his teaching assistant had taught him to do it. And I hope your wife gets fired.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:12, closed)
Miserable twunt
I hope you lose your job for being a soulless twat who sucks the life out any situation.

May your balls swivel to burnt raisens and drip pus on your lino.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:20, closed)
I'm a girl.
I don't have balls. But thanks for the sentiment anyway.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:33, closed)
It's my guess that you work for the local council.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 12:28, closed)

(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 12:33, closed)
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 12:38, closed)

(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 13:20, closed)
you must sit around watching Jeremy Kyle all day then.

There has to be something that has drained your sense of humour ripped your 'live and let live' attitude out of your arse.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 13:24, closed)

Maybe it's having a child of my own and being disgusted at the thought that the professionals that are paid to care for our children think it's ok to behave in this way.
I have a sense of humor, I just don't think this is remotely funny.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 14:11, closed)
well it looks like you're in the minority
and judging by your replies it is becoming painfully apparent that you DONT have a sense of humour.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 14:46, closed)
Or, you know, different people just find different things funny
you pompous ass.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 14:47, closed)
Fair point
But if people are going to get so tetchy about posts such as this then perhaps they should look for another site?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 14:54, closed)
Well, yes, there is a case for us all keeping our mouths shut, I grant you.
But where's the fun in that?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 14:55, closed)
Another fair point

(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 14:57, closed)
Crikey, you're right!...

My wife said: "Sid, could you please tell the teacher about how brave you’ve been?” and THE TEACHER then did the rest.

Of course they should all be killed immediately. The kid too, just for being there. And the school should be burnt to the ground.

Or you could read the post again.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:25, closed)
The teacher made up the "spin" then sent the child to show another teacher.
Totally the childs fault, yes, with no input from the teachers at all.

It doesn't matter anyway as the story is obvious bullshit as no teaching professional wold ever act that way.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:28, closed)
A couple of things...

1. Do you actually read? or just scan over words then get in a blurry rage?

2. Story is true I'm afraid. There's my obvious poetic licence as I actually wasn't there, but that's pretty much how I heard it.

3. Teachers are people too. They have senses of humour. I'm sorry if you don't.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:35, closed)
Poetic Licence = lies?
What's funny about teaching a small child that doesn't belong to you to flip the bird. Your wife encouraged this behaviour, and got the ball rolling.
I'd have her head on a stick.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:44, closed)
2 of my mates are teachers
and this post is fucking tame compared to some of the stories i've heard from them. I reckon you'd be in for a helluva shock if you found out what most likely goes on at your daughters school.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 12:01, closed)
Oh shut the fuck up, you oxygen-thieving waste of DNA.
I've seen cheerier funeral directors than you. This is aimed at user_names_suck, incidentally.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 13:05, closed)
The Daily Mail....
....is strong with this one.

(user_names_suck that is).
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 13:18, closed)
Her head on a stick? Really? For this?
Sheeesh, if you bothered to stop shouting 'hatecrime' for a second you might enjoy what is a harmless, fun (and funny) post.

What's the matter? Time of the month?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 14:39, closed)
having a laugh with an oblivious child with a joke that goes over his head and creates no harm to anyone is far worse than so-called cyber-bullying i.e. calling people Fat Slags on-line, posting their phone number on the inter-webs, sending pizza delivery people trying to earn a crust (pun intended) on non-fruitful errands, no doubt berated by their boss when they are unable to deliver their goods, and may in some instances have even lost their jobs over it.

But hey ho...having a laugh at work is a far worse crime.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 22:59, closed)
bin there
My daughter flipped me the bird when she was about 3, to show me a grazed knuckle on her forefinger. I promptly took a photo of the barely visible injury 'to show how brave she was' and proudly made it my profile picture on faecesbook.

A few weeks later I managed to get a similar snap of my octogenarian grandma.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:25, closed)
Ha ha!....

Be careful though - user_names_suck up there will now protest that you be removed from facebook and buried alive.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:27, closed)
It's his own child.
It's fine.
Encouraging another persons child to flip the bird, and putting the words "can you spin on this" in his mouth is a whole different story.
I have a photo of my own 3 year own daughter apparently flipping the twos while biting her thumbnail, but she's my daughter.
Just saying, your wife isn't a very professional teacher.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:31, closed)
agreeing with this.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:36, closed)
For the last time...


That's it, I'm not biting anymore. Do what you will.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:38, closed)
I'm surprised to find myself in agreement with you.
The first half of this amused me, the second half would be bang out of order if it wasn't quite clearly bullshit.

Not to say that Pooflake himself is lying, but the story he was told is cleary bollocks.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 11:49, closed)
Thank you.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 12:09, closed)
My two cents
First, the post is funny, so a click goes out.

Sure, it might not be the coolest thing in the world for that kid but nobody got hurt (except for the finger), he clearly wasn’t aware of what he was doing and has probably already forgotten all about it. I also agree with the reply above I’ve heard much worse teacher stories than this one. Above all it is the teacher who is responsible for any possible wrongdoing in this post, not really Mrs PF.

And as for bullshit, this is QotW FFS. Add to that that he’s telling this story 3rd hand from what he heard a teacher tell his wife so there’s lots of potential for pissing about with actual events to try and make them seem funnier. I say leave it be.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 12:33, closed)

Agreed. I'm sure it goes on, that doesn't make it right.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 13:24, closed)
This is wonderful,
of course I shall now have to burn down the school and commence summary executions.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 13:31, closed)
Could be worse I suppose
It could have played out like.....
'Sending pizzas to her house. Posting her phone number on FaceParty under the profile "Fat Slag" with some very unflattering pictures of her (may or may not still exsist) and comments to the effect that anyone who called would be treated to the finest vocal filth of a fat ugly slag.'

Or not I suppose.

Glass houses/stones anyone?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 15:08, closed)
Her profile does her no favours at all.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 15:39, closed)
But it wasn't an innocent child.
Why will nobody think of the children?
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 16:23, closed)
It’s all about the interpretation
Lets’ establish what actually happens in this post:

Boy hurts middle finger. He shows it to teaching assistant.

Teaching assistant helps boy and asks him to show injured finger to teacher.

Teacher then instigates practical joke on colleague and boy shows finger to teacher next door.

Boy then also shows poorly finger to some other members of staff.

Child is unaware (and doesn’t care about) any implication. Adults get the joke. No harm done.

You can take that how you want. The rest is in Pooflake's writing. I personally am finding it interesting the way it has been interpreted. Some people have laughed, some taken it with a pinch of salt, and some have gone all Helen Lovejoy.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 15:59, closed)

middle finger winkie
finger winkie

that's how jimmy saville started, you know.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 16:28, closed)
Ha ha!

(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 16:35, closed)
*comes back from pub*
*checks B3ta*


Hey ho - Here’s another one for you.

A few years ago, I went to collect my son from nursery and they were proudly displaying a Halloween collage in the reception that the children had put together.

The teachers had added some comments to grab the interest of the proud parents – I remember two of them, in big letters.

One said ‘Look at our smashing pumpkins!’

The one underneath said ‘And look at our big brown stars!’ With lots of brown felt star shapes stuck to the board.

I thought it was funny as fuck. On speaking to the (giggle stifling) staff they informed me that after one kid made one, it took ages for them to find brown material for the kids…just so the staff write that line.

Good times.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 16:10, closed)
That's twice now
you've made statements that could in some way be deliberately misconstrued as some kind of veiled reference to activities related in a slightly tenuous way to sex, sexual parts, teaching professionals and children.

I hope you're pleased with yourself.

(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 16:28, closed)
I am somewhat pleased...

I'll try and think of some more.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 16:32, closed)
Good man,
carry on.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 22:39, closed)
My daughter got taught to call it "Mr. Tall Finger"
In kindy. I quickly changed it to Mr Rude Finger and it gets an outing by her quite regularly when I'm going all road-ragey at someone who's just cut me off etc.
lulz for responses from other drivers for copping the finger from a snarling 7 yo.
(, Tue 24 Jan 2012, 22:52, closed)
*clickety clickety click*
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 18:09, closed)

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