Join the cue
I don't really mean to be too harsh on Essex, I'm actually quite protective of it in reality.

But sometimes you just have to shake your head and accept it for what it is, good bad and ugly.

There used to be a 'country club' down at Pipps Hill, on the outskirts of Basildon (it's been built over now with a leisure park, nick named, I kid you now, Bas-Vegas).

And next to the club there was a pub called 'The Golfers Arms'.

I worked there for a bit between leaving uni and getting a 'proper' job.

There are no two ways about it, the pub was a dive of the highest order. We'd get all of societies flotsam & jetsam parading through.

But, taking the biscuit for the most common act I ever saw anyone perform was the denim miniskirted stilletoed peroxide blond mutton dressed as lamb who flashed her gash at all and sundry while playing pool one Sunday afternoon.

I stood and watched in horror as her and her knuckle dragging boyfriend went out the back door in the dark by the lake and came back 10 minutes later looking extremely flustered.

Now, in all honesty, I can understand that some people get turned on by exhibitionism, I can understand that some people get turned on by outdoor sex, and I can understand that some people get horny and want sex right there, right then, wherever there and then may be.

But what I can't understand, what I refuse to think about in any degree of depth.

Is why the hell they had to take the pool cue with them.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 14:48, 7 replies)

Maybe he was going to "pocket" his "balls" in
her "pocket" with his...no, wait, that's not working

Maybe he stuck it up her minge.
(brainwrong, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 14:51, closed)

*click*
for just the right amount of detail.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 14:56, closed)

It was a pink or brown decision methinks
so needed the cue.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 14:57, closed)

Pat "flat on her back."
Bloody legend in Salford. Shagged a friend on the pool table once. Then showed her norks to Alan, the barman; quiet unassuming chap, totally freaked him out.
And Mandy, old school colleague. Playing tennis, she unzipped her trackie top, showed her braless items to another quiet, unassuming kid, who probably needed therapy afterwards. With the classic line, "What do you think of these bastards then?" Fucking legends.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 15:07, closed)

Maybe they never actually had sex,
Maybe they practice the martial art of Kendo.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 15:50, closed)

Umm
fend off onlookers?
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 19:28, closed)

Hahah
Perfect
( Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 11:44, closed)