Cockney Lynn
Well, I've ranted, I've stuck a reasonable 2p's worth in here and there and now it's time for an anecdote, though you better get ready for some length. Oh, I'm back alright :)

Cockney Lynn was singularly my brother's poorest choice of girlfriend ever, which considering some of the ones he shacked up during the more-than-a-decade that he had one of modern life's more unwise habits is saying something. I've mentioned her briefly in another post (in my best-of at the time of writing this ... EDIT: holy crap, now this one is too lol) and her clueless part in nearly getting my brother pasted by a very nasty man named Johnny.

So, Cockney Lynn, so named on account of her and hers being the only cockneys on a council estate in the northwest, was relocated to the estate by local authorities closer to (her) home along with her tattooist-with-no-artistic-talent brother, Bob and revolting little 8yo shitcake of a son Rob on account of bad men taking umbrage at some unspecified action on their part and making their intention clear to stove all three of their heads in.

Lynn and Bob were of course major smackheads themselves and being such, were out for all they could get. From anyone. As for their physical description, apply the pallid and emaciated demeanour of your average hard drug addict but add poor tattoos to every inch of Bob's body including his face (unemployable? you are now, titwad) with a general tinker-ish dress sense and the charming aroma that goes with it.

Lynn was not so much tinker-ish in appearance as cut-price-whoreish, always favouring market-bargain-quality vest tops and too-fucking-short skirts on her scrawny torso which unwisely displayed tattoos on her arms, neck, ankles and inner thighs. Judging by the artistic and technical quality of these efforts, it's more than likely that her brother put them there but inner thighs?. Let me count the ick. Bob also did a line in doubtlessly disease-ridden piercing that the pair of them had taken more advantage of than they should.

The son, Rob, well, if he'd had a better start in life then he may have turned out differently but he hadn't and as it was he was a thoroughly unbearable little twat, thieving anything he could wherever he was, shockingly rude to everyone regardless of their intentions toward him and always the first to whine when his many liberties were even minorly infringed, as all misguidedly self-respecting chavs do. Whilst the boy didn't know any better, neither of the adults in this troupe of shit ever showed any regret at their situation, always blaming others and never holding a shred of remorse for the frankly baseline-low shit they pulled on people in order to get by.

All in all, a trio that was the very definition of the phrase 'waste of flesh'.

Through an unfortunate and unremarkable series of events, my brother became associated with this small collection of walking crap and even in the full effect of a hard drug addiction, my brother still seemed to do well with the ladies - well, other hard-drug addicted and in some cases psychologically damaged ones at least. It was this that led to his partaking of her rancid charms on a regular basis. He was with her for the best part of six months until they earned the displeasure of nasty men up here too and had to be packed off to somewhere else. During this time her lack of any morals, respect, propriety or courtesy as well as her pure fucking bare-faced cheek truly took our breath away. Examples include:

* Inviting psycho Johnny into the house she shared with my brother and her own for the hard liquor that he carried into the place. An episode that nearly got my brother quite badly fucked-up (see the aforementioned best-of post) if it weren't for my mum diffusing the situation.

* Bringing her appalling spawn to meet my mum whilst hanging off my brother's arm during one time he visited and saying to him 'go and ask your Nan for 50p for some sweets', right in front of my mum and me. That was one of many steps too far and I piped up with 'Just so you both know, my mum is not his Nan and never will be so let's kick that into touch straight away, shall we?'. Rob wailed and Lynn glowered but fuck them both. Besides, his mayfly-esque attention span and her next fix erased any memory they had of it, it seemed.

* Put her child benefit book in hock with my mum in return for a loan and then sent the Police around for it when the appointed time came to cash it and she of course hadn't paid my mum back. Lynn and her pack weren't allowed on the doorstep after that.

* Regularly palmed the boy off onto my brother, his mates or literally anyone who offered to keep an eye on him for however long they could stand the little shit. If he hasn't been molested at some point in his life by now, no-one would be more surprised than me.

* Chucked my brother out every couple of weeks and then sent notes to him via my mum (and getting the spawn to deliver them at that) that would have looked more at-home written in crayon declaring her 'pashunit luv' (I shit you not) for him and how badly she wanted him back. These little essays sometimes got very graphic and I say again, she sent them TO MY MUM to give to him. Not even in an envelope.

* Was observed by a number of my brother's mates on a number of occasions in the house treating my brother like shit and telling him to 'fack off around to your fackin mother's and get me some fackin money'.

* Of course, fucked anything that moved and/or didn’t resist whether my brother was around or not. She even tried it on with me once - fuck's sake, I was 14. Suffice to say I told her to get the fuck off me. Ugh. Still makes me shudder now.

As stated, this pack of pondlife didn't take very long to piss off far less forbearing people than me and my mum and were carted off to torment some other group of unfortunates somewhere else, apparently setting fire to the house before they left. With hindsight though, that could have been a move by the townsfolk to make sure those fuckers went rather than deciding to squat or something.

Most of those familiar with my posts know I have no regard at all for chavs and their ilk but I still just about recognise them as human. These three however were the lowest, most despicable creatures I had or have since ever encountered. Now I think of it, common doesn't come close to covering it - they had no courtesy, no respect, no humility, no dignity, no anything that I could call a positive human quality. They were vermin.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 16:39, 12 replies)

I read this, and it was worth reading,
But a bit of a struggle.
A few more paragraphs and lines between bits would make it easier on the eye.
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 16:48, closed)

Is that...
...any better? :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 16:53, closed)

Much!
*clicks*
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 16:56, closed)

My friend...
...who is a lurking B3tan (Hello Andrew!) has a rather novel solution for people of this ilk. I personally don't agree with it but I will share it here.

He thinks that all drugs (classes A/B/C) should be made legal and cheaply and freely available from shops rather like tobacco. This would have the rather obvious effect that all of the people who usually take drugs would gorge on them, and OD. The people who don't takes drugs *probably* wouldn't take them.

The government would make shedloads of money, and the drug dealers would be out of business.

However, I think the monstrously heinous social implications rather outweigh the fringe benefits though.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 17:06, closed)

Your friend
could be onto a winner.

The one thing that is certain about drugs: prohibition doesn't work.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 17:17, closed)

One observation...
we already have the monstrously heinous social implications. More if you consider the impact on society of the criminal element (suppliers and end users both).
( argyleblanket The man on the roof works for me, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 23:00, closed)

Why
Do the authorities help them by moving them to a new area? Much cheaper to let the nasty men kill them.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 16:51, closed)

Much as she sounds utterly detestable
She's thankfully quite "uncommon".

It irks me no end how the incurably feckless seem to get looked after courtesy of both the state and the taxpayer. I'm not advocating having them exterminated or anything, but forcibly made to work for a living at gunpoint sounds acceptable to me.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 21 Oct 2008, 17:07, closed)

True...
I grew up in a shitty little town in the Midlands where people who'd annoyed the nasty men in other parts of the country would sometimes get moved to as it was a backwater and supposely out of harm's way. I knew this was going on because the kids ended up at my school.

Almost invariably, however, the families would manage to find new nasty men, annoy them, and then either get moved again or, in one or two cases, get killed. There's no helping some people - they won't go anywhere and stay out of trouble.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 22:46, closed)

This is
An almost identical situation that my brother in law is in except for:
He married her
He has 3 kids with her (1 is definately his)
He is still with her

Scum through and through
( VandenPlas can't think of anything clever - no change there!, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 18:07, closed)

Your brother-in-law?
So, he's married to your sister?

/runs away
( Ghoti Fingers, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 22:23, closed)

This
is a story of people that are actually common. Much better than the other tales of people who pronounced a word slightly differently to the norm. Shock horror!

I've met these kinds of people and they really are hellish. Glad they're out of your hair now. Although some other poor fecker has to deal with them now. Should never be allowed to breed.
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 20:34, closed)